Best Laid Plan s

No trip to Canada this month. Maybe next if things at the office don't fall apart.

Something happened that made me cancel my trip. I even have my monogrammed spa robe in hand. I am going to to my best to try and go the week in August that M-E is at Camp Good Times. But then I have learned things don't always work out the way you want them to....

Big birthday doings..... several girls spending the night. A cake has been baked and then Hollywood Nails at 10:00 A.M on the 4th for pedicures all around..... Johnny will regret he would not let her get her nails done until now. I have visions of jewels and air brushing and.................................

Dad in the Garden

Here is a very normal picture but one that give my the creeps. Not that it is a bad picture or anything, only I have one almost like it with my Grandfather. I guess it is time to get the pictures organized and find the picture. Then I have to buy a scanner and the figure out how to use it.....

Mary-Elizabeth turn 15 in a week.........

I Have NO Buisness doing this but then.......

Click on the title and you will see where I have decided to go to celebrate the end of Treatment, with a Treat.

I have scheduled myself for so many spa treatments that I have to have a schedule.

Now if I can just not feel guilty about this and not be freaked about the money. I have decided to look at is a savings the Miraval spa would have been twice as expensive.......... and oh so hot in July and I would have had to stay in air conditioned rooms and that would be bad for the environment and the energy would have melted the polar ice caps and the sea would have risen and the polar bears would have had no home and the salmon would overtake the sea because no one would be around to eat them................. I think I need a break from reality.

Please send any good book suggestions. I am going to do lots of reading.

Last Day of Freshman Year

No fancy cloths, they were in their pajamas. The last day of school was all about being comfortable for finals. I did not find myself sad or teary this year. I am so so grateful that there is an end to the freshman year. I am no longer sad when time passes and she grow up and head out. I am grateful that there is a child that is growing and that time IS passing. Having the ability to share moments with her is so much a joy, when not a total aggravation.

Joey and Caroline have been a great addition to our lives. We are looking forward to next year.

Basque Rice Pudding

Grandma Foster always wanted to make the perfect rice person. A basque neighbor of hers had always made this creamy rich pudding. NO matter what Grandma did she could never duplicate the recipe. I found one in Sunset magazine and am trying it this morning. I have the pot on the stove but do not have any cinnamon sticks. I will hope it is okay.

I have to go stir now.....

I think I should have a cook stove, a wooden one. I think that is the missing ingredient to this pudding. I am going to keep stirring.

So
Take 6 to 7 cups of milk. (Any kind but I bet skim is not very good... just guessing)
One cup of rice, not Uncle Bens but the sticky Japanese rice.

2 cinnamon sticks to put in and boil during the cooking process. ( I don't have any so I am just boiling milk and rice right now.

Have to go stir.

Well then after it has cooked for about 30 minutes. Opps it was supposed to be covered. See, Okay now the pan is covered and gently simmering. I found that 3.5 on the stove seems to keep it there. But now I have.....

Oh there is so much pressure.

I guess these sorts of things take time to learn how to do. I just don't see how the 6 -7 cups of milk and one cup of rice can make pudding. Oh, there seems to be more activity then"gentle simmering" have to go.

Oh, yeah, boiling over. Not good. I am sure that this would not happen on a wood stove. Well it is getting close. I think we are getting rid of some of the milk in the evaporation, boiling over process. We will see how this goes. Next step, find a container, add some sugar and cinnamon and chill. I will let you know.

I may even have a picture or two...2

pictures will come later to this entry. Cooling is happening and I have to do some other things today.

I found this a while back and it seems like today is a good day.

It has been a rough week in the world of "Kids with Cancer". It seems like a lot of them don't have it anymore because they have died. I would rather say died then "lost the battle". I think you loose if you don't do give something you best. I think you loose if you don't do try when there is a chance and good options. Sometimes the universe does not align right and the kid cancer is really really bad and we just don't have the right stuff to make it better.

After reading some a book that my sister suggested I buy I realize that sometimes the treatment can cause more problems that have to be fixed. But then that is a train of thought for another day. Here is the poem I found somewhere, somehow. It is apropos.

Remember Me

When the snow melts and the sun warms the earth.
As spring brings forth a new hope for life and the first flowers show their colors.
When you look at the night sky with it's soft twinkling lights.
When your children hold you close and look into your eyes.
As you hold dear to your heart the love of your family, never let them stray from the truth.
When Eagles soar in circled flight and their wings touch.
And treasure the time spent with loved ones for they are the most precious of all.
As the rain falls on your face and the drops roll gently down your checks, smile God has given us this day to heal our wounds.
With lightness in your heart learn from all what life has to offer.
Remember me, I'll always remember you.
StrongBearRedHeart

ALL, Leukemia, Cancer, Liquid Tumor, Frederica

I don't care what you call it, it is time for it to no longer be a part of our vocabulary. We need to move on to Survivor, Trooper, Good Former Patient, Normal. I wonder if now is the time. But then if not now? when?

I have been a bit surly these last few days. Some say it is the full moon or lack of sleep because of Tucker waking with the robins (5:00 this a.m.) or let down after the long week-end or lack of enthusiasm about people's complicated and difficult lives.

I think it all started when I looked in my drawer and found "Summer 2004" and realized there has not been a folder made for 05 or 06. I just made me realize how long we had been doing this. But we are done for all intents and purposes. We have a few more months of appointments and then a few more years of follow up. September 13, 2014 is cure date. Too far to even think about but lots of living to be done.

What I don't want to loose from this experience is the appreciation and gratitude I have gained over the last three years. I don't want to loose my perspective on what is important. I don't want to loose my sense of humor. It served us well during the our journey.

It is time. This is a normal summer. Camps, visits with friends and lots of time in the back yard, long walks with the dog. Instead of being cancer free time, it is school free time..................

An Old E-Mail I found and want to move to the Blog. THIS IS THREE YEARS OLD AND NOT CURRENT.

Tales from the Medical Rabbit Hole or Why no one has heard from me since Thursday afternoon
On Thursday the 17th of June, I took Mary-Elizabeth to see the eye doctor. I was found to be near sighted when I was a kid and have always taken her for regular appointments. (I should report I believe she has her father’s good eyes.) At this appointment he found some hemorrhages by her optic nerves, within 10 minutes of this discovery, she had appointments with our family doctor and a Retinal Ophthalmologist for the next day.
On Friday, our regular doctor found no medical reason for this condition. He did extract two gallons of blood for further investigation. The Retinal guy was less positive. "Well, it might not be a brain tumor…….., it might be hydrocephalus……….." He sent us to a Neurological Ophthalmologist. Dr. May was much more positive that whatever she had we could fix. Her vision loss might return and she is healthy otherwise. We have a MRI with a special eye guy on Friday.
I have had my nervous breakdown and have regained my sense of humor. I will be here the rest of the week from 9-2:15p.m. M-E is in camp and we are keeping a normal schedule. If I seem a bit distracted, please forgive me. Asking me how I am is very kind but makes me cry but quite frankly this is the most frightening thing I have ever been through.
Someone said that this was God’s way of making the next few years seem like a walk in the park. I must not be a good student; I could have done with a less extreme lesson.

Look What I found on the WEB

Click on the title and you will be taken to the Children's Hospital Web site with a nice article with a great picture of Mary-Elizabeth. I guess it has been there a while. Google is a good thing when you are waiting for a judge to call....................

Spring Pictures

Memorial Day 2007

M-E is spending the night with Dr. Tracy and the new African Grey parrot named Moci. He is 9 months old and has some clothing issues. He was sick as a baby and was given some medication. It made him itch and he pulled out all of his feathers in three days. Only the down has grown back. He has his wing, tail and head feathers but the rest of his body is covered with little tiny down feathers. He looks like he is wearing a fuzzy turtle neck.

He has taken over the former home of Hailey. The 13 year old that decided to fall off her cage a few weeks ago and break her back and had to be put to sleep. She had been Dr. Tracy's companion since she had been an egg. (The bird, not Dr. Tracy) Hailey was a funny bird. My favorite was her call to the dog "let's go tinkle". We also appreciated Hailey because one of her favorite foods was toast with Grandma Mary's Jam. A bird of great taste.

Beverly and Maggie were listening to me and afraid I might try and become a parent to a parrot. This will not be happening.

First they live for 60 - 90 years. My dogs would want to eat them. (Tucker evidently things he is a bird dog.) Most importantly, they don't like me. In the Mercer Island Parrot store there is 7 year old bird named Quito. He talks up a storm to M-E and will not talk with me, at all. He was walking down a rope and M-E asked where he was going and he said "on a trip". When she left he would call her back... " tut, tut, tut, come here....."

No were are working on the house and the garden and the garage. My attempts to reclaim the garage are stalled. The good will stuff is gone but the carpet from down stairs and some other less identifiable items are now filling the space. I am sure in the long run, it will be a good thing.

Time to try and do laundry..... I don't know why I just don't give up, pack it up and take it to be done......

Two Roads and other such nonsense.

The Road Not Taken
Poem lyrics of The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler,

long I stood And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and

I I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Oh, Mr. Frost. I don't recall when I first encountered this poem. I have loved it and remembered it. I have re-read it on occasion but like most things, it just sort of sits on the back of the shelf and waits to be taken off for use occasionally. Like the good China.

I don't think it makes it any less important or has less value. It is still a cherished bit of wisdom.

It came to mind when Mitch died. I realized that we were on the same path for a long time together. It seems unfair that he has gone down the other road so soon but then we have all come to those points when we have to take a sudden turn.

Pre-Trial Crazy Ness

We are going to trial on couple of issues. We are having so much fun reading and reviewing and working on what everyone has said, will say and might say. I hate that anything has to be said.



We have passed the point of no return. We are going to trial because everyone has so much invested in the process. It is no longer about what is in the best interest of a child but who can get the most from the other person. Who can say the meanest thing. I am going on the hopes that we can exit this process with a little bit of dignity and something to bring this family back together again. There are no winners. Maybe the child will have something out of this.

There are so many things we do for the "sake" of the child. We give everyone medals in a competition. We make sure they have the same material possessions. We monitor their television and computer interaction. We plan for kindergarten, and middle school and high school and college. I wonder who the real beneficiary of this activity is to be? I think there is way to much parent ego in this whole solo kid project.

I hope there has been enough balance in the direction I have launched Mary-Elizabeth. I hope that some of her working hard and studying hard and going to crew and all of that is partly what she wants to do. I would hate for her to think that her time has been wasted.

Well I have to go work on the trial.

13th a Mothers Day

It has not been, a breakfast in bed, Brunch, hang the fuchsia basket kind of day. This has been a day where I have been counting my blessings because I am still Mary-Elizabeth's MOTHER. It is on days like this that I just get weepy and say the chant.

I am still a mom. I am still a mom. I am still a mom.

M-E asked what I wanted for Mother's Day and I told her I wanted to be able to park in the garage. I was well on the way when her father was hi-jacked and diverted to another project. The difference is profound and the garage will be assuming it's true avocation and house the car soon. I will be happy when that finally happens.

Dad and brother Alex were here this week. Lots has been removed from the basement and around the house. Alex did a bit of yard work. He removed the dirt from around the edge of the front flower bed. He is working on making it a less attractive place for the newest guests in our house. "Moisture Ants". They figured that since no one else was living down stairs, they should move in. They were not counting on the bug police. Another story for another day.

Mantra today.... I am still a Mom. I am still a Mom........

Change

She has grown some hair, the kitchen tile has been replaced. We are able to go to places like Swanson's for lunch and Tucker ate the legless Barbie.

I also have been struggling with the various soap dispensers that have been installed during the "Cancer Years". I used to understand them and knew how they worked. I could push a button and was certain where the soap would come from and know what form it would take. I hated the powdered stuff and much of the liquid smelled like the stuff they tried to use to make the gym not smell like dirty feet. New places that have replaced our old favorite haunts while we were away, have installed a variety of devices. No longer do you press and then receive the liquid/powder. Now you press and get foam or more often a glob of stuff falls to the floor because there are not clear instructions on where the stuff comes out. Some are "eco" friendly and only dispense after you say the magic words, wave a wand and stand on you head three times.

The faucets and paper towel dispensers are just as tricky.

Oh well......change and "improvements" happen, whether or not it makes any sense, you are ready for it or notice it is happening. While our life was on pause, the new and improved bathroom soap dispensers invaded.

Gone Missing, Had Gone Missing??

Gone Missing....................... I don't think that is an appropriate gramatically correct sentence....

The plane has gone missing............ Shouldn't it be: The plane is missing. If the plane is missing, we know it is gone.

Gone missing, should I just "get over it"

Been A While

I don't quite know why. I think I wanted to stay in the special, on the beach for awhile place. One that can be so easily disturbed. I have tried really really hard to not be jerked back into the reality of my crazy life and the clients and the stuff that didn't get done and the trial coming up and the........................

So, I am back. I am working on the garage. I should not say, "I". We have had an army. Two loads to the dump is all it takes to find a parking space. Now, I am not really parking there yet, but I can visualize parking. It is almost the same thing. I can see it happening in the next couple of weeks. A rather large table needs to come out. Then I am ready to go. The basement is next. I am getting rid of fabric and stuff. I feel a need to find empty space. Maybe it is part of my post-vacation state.

M-E is caught up with school. She felt so far behind that there was a possibility that she would be returning to 8th grade in the fall to try again. She has recovered and seems headed to her freshman finals. She is going to be a sophmore. I have always been a sap at this time of year but each year that she goes to school and completes is such a huge gift for which I feel so blessed for obviouse reasons.

Dr. Tracy ( also known as Dr. Fishnets) is going to Arizona to Chinle to be a doctor. She loved every minute there except maybe for the rain and the red mud and the........... She is ready for the challenges and the adventure. I am making reservations for Christmas as soon as Southwest will let me. Belle is excited that she will be there. Belle is working to get her a big enough house that we can stay with Tracy and not with Belle and Karen. It is a complicated relationship.

WE are Back and WE are Relaxed

What more do I need to show. Sun, people with smiles and beach. That pretty much says it all.

We Loved Mitch but He had to Leave

Broz, Mitchell August

Mitchell August BROZ Beloved husband, true friend and wise counselor, Mitch Broz passed away peacefully at Swedish Hospital in Seattle on April 4, 2007, following a long and courageous battle with melanoma. He was surrounded by several of the many family and friends to whom he devoted so much love during his brief but immensely full life. Born April 30, 1960 to Richard and Blanche Broz of Mercer Island, Mitch graduated with honor from Mercer Island High School, Georgetown University (summa cum laude) and the University of Washington School of Law (Order of the Coif). He was a partner in Mikkelborg Broz Wells & Fryer, the firm co-founded by his father in the 1960s. He became known within his firm, and throughout the Seattle legal community, as a man of strong intellect, impeccable ethics and an attorney to whom other attorneys naturally turned for advice. He was committed to this country, and was deeply concerned about its current approach to democracy, the environment, civil liberties and its involvement in war. From his study at Georgetown, he developed a lifelong interest in many Eastern philosophies, and in Zen Buddhism in particular. From Zen he received solace and a positive attitude toward life that supported him throughout his illness. Mitch will be remembered as someone who possessed remarkable sensitivity, as reflected by his gentle spirit. His love for the law was second only to that of his cherished wife, Sharon, his partner in life. They made a beautiful home together on Snoqualmie Ridge where they shared their enthusiasm for travel, gardening, Asian art, reading and history. Mitch was also a gifted and creative pianist with tremendous musicality, who was mostly self-taught. He played by ear and created his own compositions. He loved animals, was concerned for their welfare and was especially fond of cats. He also gave generously of his time to his community, through service as an officer in the Snoqualmie Valley Rotary Club and the Virginia V Board of Seattle. Mitch is survived by his wife, Sharon Christiansen Broz of Snoqualmie, his mother, Blanche Broz of Bellevue, his brother, Bill Broz of Newport Beach, California, and loving family, friends, colleagues and clients too numerous to count. A Memorial will be held at 2:30 p.m., Thursday, May 17, 2007, at Mercer Island Presbyterian Church, 3605 84th Avenue SE, Mercer Island, WA 98040. Contributions may be made in memoriam to the American Melanoma Foundation or to the Humane Society for Seattle/King County.
Published in print on 4/15/2007.

Two Paths

Dear Mitch;

I heard a rumor that we may not be traveling the same road much longer. No more comparisons about ports and meds and side affects. No conversations about cereal and white bread. No more mutual cursing about Dexemethezone. ( Inside cancer treatment stuff.)

We will be so so sad that you need to diverge in this Yellow Wood and take that other path. We all know that at some time that less traveled path is one we must travel but that does not make it any easier. M-E-B and I have always known that is was a possibility for her and for you. Each of us that have suffered from or cared for a cancer patient knows it is a possibility. We keep our eyes on the hopeful path as long as possible but also know sometimes it is time for what Dr. Tracy calls a "DO OVER". There comes a point that we have to "Return to Sender" and get re-issued, re-boot, re-format and try again.

There is this tendency to try to not to think about the leaving part and the stopping of treatment and the going. But as we all know packing for the trip is the hardest part. Getting through security is a pain in the behind. But when you finally arrive and let go and relax it is a great thing.

MEB is in Las Vegas with more or her kind (Teenage Cancer Patients). They are having a great time and I will not be talking with her about all of this until her return. But know that she would be the first to tell you not to worry. During her healing ceremony she saw and received a message from a child that had died 8 years before named Joseph Boyle. He told her that she would be all right and was asked to tell his dad that he was all right. I don't know if she has thought about what that means but it tells me we change form and this "mortal plain" is not all we have.

Take your healing bears and let the strength they give help you on the next part of your journey. We will take care of Sharon, I will keep paying for the candles I lite in your honor ( even though it irks me for some reason) and we will be in touch again.

The picture here is one I took in Venice of St.George the Dragon Slayer. It is hard to see but there is a candle on each side. I lit one for you and one for MEB. You both have slayed the dragon, only in different ways.