Day 12 of ? and Roller Derby

I am officially confused. ME spent the week-end with her dad. Ana and the kids have made an emergency trip to Mexico. Her mom is sick. Never good. So ME and her dad went to see a couple of movies without any interference. I planted a tree and cooled the house off as the temp climbed.

Dinner with friends, walks with the dogs, thought about doing things. Thought better of it.

We did go to dinner with Lisa and Rachel before going to see Kira at RollerDerby. We found Lynnwood, a specific location in Lynnwood and then had to talk ourselves into the rink because it was sold out. It was a fund raiser and when I pulled the cash for 4 people out of my purse we received green bands.

I discovered I need to work on my "how to be a roller derby fan".

1. Learn the rules. Appears to be lots of going round and round.

2. Learn what team your niece is on

3. Know her "derby name" since real names are not used

4. Buy a pair of fishnets stalkings

5. Make a sign to support your team.

6. Grow a mullet so you blend in to the time warp.

7. Be concerned at how much your daughter loves it.

Whoo knew.

(Should I bring another Scottie home?) Can we say empty nest syndrom?

Day 13.....

I am wondering when ME is gone if the Laundry will be done and the house neat and tidy. I am sure it will be.

I am wondering if the laundry was ever done?
Does Laundry have to be done?
s Lori right that there are 4 steps to Laundry?
It is not enough to wash and dry?
Will there be a class in Laundry at college for Mary-Elizabeth?
Will she somehow learn this skill in college?
Did I fail as a mother by not teaching her how to do laundry?
Is she the reason I can't do Laundry?
Does anyone care about Laundry?

Now I must now go do Laundry.

Day 14..... Friday the 13th of August 2004 and 2010

We both really tried. We both woke up with giant amounts of anxiety. Mine sits in the middle of my chest, ME's is in her stomach. I got up, I drank coffee. I went to work and could not stand to be there but did good work and solved a huge problem. I called ME and she came to the office and we did the best thing I could think to do within the time we had. ME was going to go with her dad to get glasses and it sometimes is hard to travel to places and back on a very perfect sunny Friday.

We went to Palisades for a late lunch and did it all. From Salad to Blackberry Sorbet from Olympic Mountain Creamery.... There is something to be said for a self induced food coma. We talked, she texted to find out if Whitney remembered this day in our personal history, we laughed and joked and ate and watched the birds at the marina. Seagull, Crow, Osprey, King Fisher, Blue heron (he was was sunning himself and was so relaxed and joyful he brought his wings down and exposed the underside to the sun.) I listened to the four middle aged men at the table next to me scoff at their long time stay at home spouses new jobs. ( I should have given them all my card.)

It was a long lunch, a good lunch and one we will repeat on every Friday the 13th of August.

Six years ago we stumbled on a path in the woods and we were forced to take the path less traveled. We have come to that place again and are so so lucky and blessed to be able to take the ordinary road with everyone else.

Time to take the dogs for a hair cut and to the world's best scone and coffee shop.

Day 15...... New Sport Invented

She saw more Shooting Stars than I did.

Day 16

So the day started out fine. I was at work at a regular time. I did work while there. I went to lunch with a client/good referral source. I headed back to the office and then it happened.

I stopped in an Aveda storehttp://www.aveda.com/index.tmpl?ngextredir=1 and was handed mint tea and given a hand massage while purchasing three small items for the the tackle box project. I was sucked in the store next door for soaphttp://www.loccitan.com/. At that point I found I had two minuscule bags to carry back to the office. The obvious next step was the Coach Store. http://www.coach.com/

Yes, I am weak.

Yes, my daughter is jealous.

Yes I am trying to fill the hole created by her upcoming departure to college.

Yes Cocaine or ice cream would be cheaper.... But it was Purple.

Day 17...... What was I thinking

Evidently if you are from the Midwest (defined by me as any place between Snohomish Pass and the Brooklyn Bridge) one receives a tackle box for Graduation. It is sometimes empty and sometimes full of useful things that reside in the various junk drawers of the house. Tacks, band aides, etc. I was dully chastised for not even knowing that it is the foremost item to be given to the high school graduate. I thought the heating pad was the gift of choice.

Well I am not a slow learner. Boxes having been purchased, they will be filled. We will catch up to the mid-west.

Note to those of my vintage. As you walk out of Fred Meyer with three tackle boxes, the vintage boys notice and suggest a fishing date. Who knew a tackle box had such a lure..... get the joke.

Day 18 Packing is not happening.

Life should be simple forward motion. It looked easy when we were kids. I think Mary-Elizabeth is stuck on the couch with her Iphone.

I have decided that if I find her there and the house shows no activity this evening, I am going to move the couch. Maybe that will help her pack.

I think this door is too much for Ballard.

Day 19

We were invited to a great party at a house on Lake Washington. Blue Angels up close and personal. I suggested we all meet at the audiologist today because it was so so loud. Mary-E spoke with a gentleman that was an engineer. They spoke for a very long time about the areas and he explained her program to her in a way that made more sense. She is undecided about what area of engineering to go into at this point but all of the classes she takes this semester will help her with that part of her decision. Lots of areas, lots of specialties, she will have lots of choices.

One more week-end before we leave. I am planning to bring some boxes home to see if she wills start packing.

It has to fit in the stationwagon or it does not go. It will be fun to see how that works out.

Day 20......Waiting Mode

58 degrees. Blue Angles later, typical Seattle Summer. Mary-E's friends are starting to leave. Alexis left for the Navy at the end of June, Lany goes on the 15th, Laura on the 24th, Whitney on the 23rd. We drive to Idaho on the 20th and deliver her to college on the 23rd for a break-in-week.

It is slowly becoming the time. And we are ready. Mary-Elizabeth is getting so so excited. She has her schedule, she has her roommate and knows her dorm room. She has stuff to put into her super duper planner. Life is good for her.

I guess my job is to have a plan for the first week after I drive over the pass. Ohh... I guess I am going to be sad that she is gone. But in a good way.

Day 21

She is going to be in Madonna http://www.gonzaga.edu/Student-Life/Residence-Life-and-Dining-Services/On-Campus-Living/Residence-Halls/Madonna-Hall.asp This is her space. I took pictures of her lists. Sooo Do we want speculate how much stuff I will be bringing home?

Day 22 Eye Appointment

I am sure that if you have had one bad eye appointment that lead to 2. 5 years of treatment and a lifetime of worry that you don't have another one.... right.

So do you think if I had never taken her to the eye doctor that she would never have had leukemia and life would have gone on and the past would have been erased.

Day 23 I am Not Gone Yet.....

This was the cry of the child who was sent into Kiele's for face cream with a $20.00. I am trying to ween her from the Mommy ATM. We spent days working on obtained an account for her and it has money in it. I explained very carefully that the money had to last and I was not going to add any more. She did not seem to get around to finding employment so she is on a very limited supply.

We have had a lot of discussions about need and want and what is my responsibility and what is hers. I don't think she needs face cream from Kiele's. She could go to Bartells. She does need more than one set of flip flops, or a bag to take into the shower or new socks or more sweat pants. We are both learning to fight more for our position.

She senses that this newly coming Independence has a price. I push a bit and she tries to climb back in the boat. I push more and she still tries to climb back in and bring friends as reinforcements. "See, Madeline thinks I need a shower bag." I watch the bird parents have the same struggles. The babies are hard to identify. They are the same color and size. They walk around the Yard and do bird things but as SOON as mom or dad show up the start the FEED ME, FEED ME, FEED ME chant. It only lasts while the parental units hang out. As soon as they leave the babies go back to fending for themselves. The crow one year olds do hang around an extra year. Sort of a "Gap Year". I guess they are doing their community service by helping the the new ones and all their demands. Mary-Elizabeth is still in transition.

So she is not gone yet, the strings on the parental unit's purse are growing tighter. This will be interesting.. We do leave in a couple of weeks.......... and then I won't hear the FEED MEEEEEEEE...... over the mountains. It will be someone else's job, I guess her dad and I are paying for it and it is way expensive but it will seem different.

Sad news about Aunt Margarite Lanham

Okay she was 90 something. She was no longer remembering the little things that make life so much of a joy, like the names of children and the like. She had been in a sort of fetal position for a while and was in pain. That part is over. Her person is no longer with us. She has "left this mortal coil" but she has not left without touching lots of lives.

I loved her stories about being on mountain tops as a look out and having to get up in the bitter cold because she lost the nightly gin game to Uncle Max. I thought she was a wonderful person because she did not withhold his pain medication at the end of his life when she found out he had been cheating at cards all those cold nights.

'I loved the smell of her art studio. She was the first real artist I ever knew. I value a small rock painting she did of a sea shore. Most were western scenes but I glommed on to this one because I love the ocean and it spoke to me and was a part of her.

I loved her cooking and her care of all of us. Her love of the world's oldest biggest cat that ever walked the earth. As I recall he weighed 25 pounds and was 25 years old but then I was just a small child. Her love of a great German Shepard that would ring the door bell when he wanted to come in.

I loved her laughter and her view of life. She was always the same age. She was old when Max died almost 30+ years ago. But then as a child people are just an age. I bet she was not any older than I am now. Seems impossible.

I guess I just loved her. I am glad I saw her when I could, that she came for Thanksgiving here once and to Mary-Elizabeth's end of treatment party. I am glad we went to Boise for the reunion.

I guess we are becoming the old relatives to the next group. I hope I can do as much for them as she did for me.

Day 24 the Semesters vs. Quarters

My daughter is on the Semester system. She and I leave on August 20th. There is another group that does not start school until the end of September, the quarter people. I am finding that it is a double edged sword. My daughter, as lovely as she is, can be a just awful. She is angry and hostile and frustrated and frustrating. The old "soiling the nest" activity. They have to hate home and mom and dad and be "So blasted ready to get the hell away". It will make the leaving so much easier.

So as the time counts down I am both melancholy that she is going to start school in 24 days while relieved that this push pull activity will not go on until late September. The other parents that are glad their children are still close are also dreading another month of the "Why can't you make toast the right way" sort of dialogue.

It is all so confusing. Answer to the issue, start listing their stuff on e-bay.

25....so what needs to be scheduled.......

My list:

Doctor

Children's Hospital with Endocrinologist

Final Barbecue with Whitney and Laura so I can have a picture of the girls on the couch.,

Her List

Hair Dresser

Eye Brow Lady

Pedicure

Grandma Marys list

Safeway for Viva Paper Towels

Target for Scott single ply 1000 to the roll Toilet Paper

Does this say anything about how we see the world?

Day 26...... the school schedule.

English

The Gospel of Mark

Chemistry

Calculus and analytical Geometry

Chemistry and a 6:00 p.m. lab

Computer Engineering

Engineering Seminar

No Monday classes, a 2:00 p.m math class on Fridays...... That will keep her from coming home with friends. We will have to see how that goes.

Sounds like a great semester.

Day 27.... Will she ever really get packed?

So what do you think is more important putting dots on your bathroom bag or take the advantage of a car that is going to drive back to Idaho.

I think this is a very big push pull going on. If we don't pack then we don't have to leave. Mom stuffing stuff into a car seems to be like Mom wanting us to leave. Now we want to leave but then we are afraid to leave but we know we have to leave and we everyone else is leaving and we don't want to be the only one that is not leaving.... Do we need two pairs of black boots, how many pairs of socks. I need under wear, and socks and shirts and lots of other great things.

It is the voice of excited panic. It is exciting to hear that joyful anticipation.

The first car is packed. It is a mini cooper and so space was a challenge but then this whole time is a challenge.

28 Days to College Staying in Touch Options

So we are all worried about missing our children but we have equipped them with lots of technology. We all are very reliant on it but I am beginning to wonder if technology is a good thing. They can now call, skype, text, e-mail, snail mail, Face Book, twitter and come home to visit.

So much communication possibility created expectations about how much it will be used. Even though the technology exists it is not to be used equally be both sides of the communicators.


There seems to be a double standard in how the devises are used.

They can call us, text us, email us, and heaven forbid, write letters. I have a feeling that they love having all the ways to communicate with the parental units. Like it is okay for my lovely daughter to call me at 6:05 am to find out if one puts a teaspoon or tablespoon in the sour dough pancakes. However if I call to inquire as to the proposed time she will return to the family home, then there is complaint and wailing about not "BUGGING" her.

I will see how all of this works.

Day 29 Dorm Decor

In my experience, if you call it decor, it means it costs lots more money than if you call it decoration. I guess it is the less is more principle.

I don't understand the need to buy new stuff to put into a small shared room in another town.



Is it because we want them to feel at home? Wouldn't the stuff that is already in their room be better for that?

Is it so the parents can have a final bonding shopping trip? A chance to decorate a room under parental influence? Pink with green poka-dots?



Is it a way that parents can feel connected to the new nest? Is it a way to cut the apron strings by leaving all the aprons at home?



Is it an excuse to be involved during this most difficult of transitions? Sort of like when we were pregnant pretending the fathers were involved by making them put together a crib.



Is it just an off shoot of our consumer society? Have I become my father (anti money spender) besides being my mother (spending money helps the economy)?



I know for me, I am writing big checks. Big, big, oh my God they are staggering, checks. I am worried about the cost of things like the Calculus text book. Having a garbage can that matches the lamp does not seem very practical. How long is anyone going to live in the dorm and then what do you do with Wall Mural? Do we want these college bound children to need us to transfer their stuff around as well as our own?



Maybe my reaction is purely selfish, I want her to take stuff out of this house so I can get rid of all the crap I have collected, purchased, found, inherited, scrounged. I am in a purging mode.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I did stop at Good Will and may have found an extra long twin bed fitted sheet. If not, I am shipping it back to Good Will.



Day 29. I am writing another big check but not for an extra long twin hypoallergenic poka-dotted mattress pad.

If you are in the mood to "decor" a room click on the title and you will be taken to Pottery Barn for that purpose.

30 days.....

She is getting excited.

I am getting worried, it sort of balances out.

I have decided that each day I will worry about something different.

This is list day. She had made a list of everything she needs to take with her to a room that will be no more than 14 by 14 and she must share the space with another person that is producing a list.

I am not sure why two comforter covers and two sets of sheets need to go but they are on the list. Two pairs of black boots? I can see that this is as complicated as everyone says it is. I remember cloths, a stereo, some books, the all important poster. I know that things have changed but the rooms are the same size. I never owned two pairs of black boots and certainly did not have an electric espresso maker.... but then it might not be going.

I have a new rule, if it does not fit into the car, it does not go.

I think I will start a list of all things I will be able to do because she won't be home. Indian cooking on the top of the list. will that be more fun then trying to get her unload the dishwasher.... YES.

For the Record, Tucker is not on the list.