Stuff

This is Judy but not this morning.

The "girls" from Idaho are here to do the Danskin Triatholon this morning. You have not idea how much stuff it takes to accomplish such feats. Schedule this morning:

5:00 a.m: Up
5:07 a.m: Coffee
5:21 a.m: Mad search for keys, contacts, loose coffee
5:22 a.m. Forget contacts, coffee found, extra key \
extracted from suitcase.
7:00 a.m. Jump in Lake Washington while wearing
a wet suit. (These people think the lake is cold)
After that who knows. Swim for .5 miles in the water with 5500
other women that were up, lost their contacts before 12 mile bike ride, then a 3 mile walk/run.
Gather bike, wet suit, and other gear, find car and then find breakfast.

They have so much with them, wet suits, goggles, swim caps, towels for the swim, then they have to find their bikes and their bike gear, then they have to run. So they have that equipment. This is not like the Iron Man where they have staff that manages their stuff. It took three vehicles for them to bring their stuff.

I admire their efforts. I see these women and their enthusiasm. I know what this sort of group thing feels like. I have only done Bloomsday but a huge group event is thrilling.

I am not making fun of the stuff. You should have seen the amount of stuff that flowed off the camp buses yesterday. They opened the side panels and the stuff ejected. M-E had three bags. Backpack, sleeping bag and her suit case.

Everything came home neatly contained and then we started the unpacking project and "stuff" is still everywhere. Dirty cloths, camping stuff, batteries, bug spray, sunscreen, miscellaneous stuff, shoes, wet swim suits and towel, goggles, more stuff. It seems a lot of stuff to take to have a different experience. We need our stuff to travel with us, help maintain our comfort zone.

I guess what amazes me is how much stuff keeps coming out of the bags and once the lid is off, it just explodes.

I think we are starting to see the "stuff" explode from this last year. I know I am feeling it and so is Mary-Elizabeth and all of our friends. We have all had the year from hell. Every person that has followed and joined us in this journey is so aware of cancer and it's affects in all of it's different forms.

We have all learned so much but now we begin the journey of trying to cope while not in true "crisis survival" mode. I think that if we are not careful, as the lid comes off a year's worth of emotions, we could have a true explosion of sorts. I have to do some planning to keep that from happening.

I think M-E is just falling apart emotionally. She has been strong and stoic and hopeful for 12 months. She has marched on this journey with all the strength of a fully mature human three times her age. She has met each and every challenge with courage, conviction and true grit. She is simply worn out.

Since she can not express her fear of relapse, her body is reminding her it is not over. She has faced the treatments, she now has to deal with it's aftermath, while still in treatment. I think that is where the hives come from. They are a manifestation of her fear and anger. Anger and fear have become the dark red blotches that itch.

Like everything else, we will get through this process. We will wade through the stuff.