The Rhythm of Cancer

So here we sit and we sit. And wait for the next song to begin. It is a simple dance. The steps are basic


1. Go to Childrens
2. Have blood drawn
3. Wait 1-1000 2-1000 3-1000.......
4. Visit with Karyn.
5. Receive results.
6. Determine if we are on doing a new dance. or stay with the current one. There are several versions. Some allow for just simple steps some for fancy steps, some require new learning like when platelets are needed and there is much fancy foot work to figure how to give them.
  Sometimes the results let us go to a new and improved dance class.
6. Have new chemo. Pause 1-1000, 2-1000,3-1000. Wait for the counts to drop. 170 to 129 to 97 to 42 to < 5.
7. Do the dance until the numbers return to normal. Add some more blood add a few special platelets add some Neulasta for a bit of spice.
8. Just when the waltz is really settling in go back to the hospital for more chemo and we start the dance again.

Repeat: again and again and again.  



Counts up: we start, counts down: we pray for them to go up so we can start again...  We meet our various partners and we all commiserate about the ball and how it is going.  Who is getting to dance, who is waiting for results , who is waiting to dance and who is waiting to wait to dance.  We chat like old friends although we each are dancing to a different tune.  We basically know the music but each have different partners and different dresses and different hair styles.  They are all related but similar.


Some times the dance is success, sometimes it is disappointing.  Sometimes great triumphs come from a set of lessons, sometimes we are sent home to try again. Sometimes we don't get to go home at all.  We are always wondering how the next Virginia Reel will turn out.


The hovering mothers would be familiar to anyone who came to observe.  They fuss, they talk about how the men have all gone to smoke and drink in another room.  We criticize the food, the music, the eligible partners and all are secretly hoping our child will be the one chosen for the best dance and have a great triumph. 

We do this over and over again, glad we still get to go to the ball. Afraid to go each and every time, knowing we might be able to ever dance again, but praying the dance won't end for us.