SAT's Eye brow plucking and other rites of passage

This is the color of the dress with a brown ribbon.

The SAT's are this A.M. Lots of anxiety. She will do fine. I told her this was just the first time she would be taking them and now we don't have to send all to the colleges and who knows, they might be good enough. Bacon and mangos for breakfast seems to help and off she went.

After this event we have bunches of stuff to do before next week. Let's see. Nails, eyebrows, decisions about where to go for dinner. I am having a small "cocktail party" pre prom so that should be fun. Wine cheese, something hot and spicy, a sweet and a chance to wish the children off on their big adventure.

Seems like the thing to do. I don't remember much about pre-dance stuff other than my father cleaning all his rifles while my quiet shy timid boy friend came and picked me up. Ugly........

The Holy Trinity of High School

Perfect Dress
Perfect High heels
Perfect Date for the Junior Prom.

What more needs to be said.

SAT's on May 1
Junior Prom May 9
Crew Regionals May 15th

Seems like we have lots of Trinity Moments happening.

My newest distraction

Type in Falcon Webcam and then just sit back and enjoy. The whole country has these set up and this is active active time. Babies are less than 4 days old in San Francisco, WAMU tower has a very devoted pair about 15 days away from a hatch. It is just too much fun.

Easter is the Ever Evolving Holiday

I love this time of year. I totally understand the original cultures (pagan seems harsh) that joyously embraced this time of year. Small little shoots of new life reappear, the trees send out new leaves for a years of energy capturing and then the breeze brings that new scent of spring. A bit of pollen is not much to complain about.

We both have been sick. M-E started with great collapse of her system last week-end. Trips to the doctor, assurance that it was only a virus, then lots of soup. We are so tired of soup. No energy to cook or even bother to eat. Cereal seems to be the best thing. Maybe toast if a burst of energy hits.

BUT IT IS EASTER!!. Okay, so a few chocolate representation of small juvenile creatures, some springy sorts of plastic glittery grass and an Easter basket. I think I have done a very good job. The bunny is years and years old and so is the basket. The Annies Bunny Pasta was just genius. Mary-Elizabeth has a DVD wish list and I had to choose one. I thought the Secret Life of Bees a story of new life and discovery was the most appropriate followed by Slum Dog Millionaire, another story of struggle and new life. But in all fairness, Twilight was the right choice. This is the holiday about ever lasting life. The renewal of life, the changing from one form to the other. So Twilight ended up in the basket.

Another big change: No Church.... I love this time of year within the Catholic calendar. Maudy Thursday with the foot washing, Good Friday with the bare quiet church and no mass and then the Easter Vigil. The dark night that tells the whole story from Genius to the discovery that Jesus has left the tomb. I love the quiet, the hymns the light that begins to grow stronger and stronger until the whole church is filled during the darkness.

this year.... The Ten Commandments... How long is that movie! it was on from 8:00 to 12:45. They spend years and hours in Egypt. I think Baby Moses was played by one of Heston's kids and I think they were in Egypt because everyone could run around with their shirts off.

Oh, well maybe some Dim Sum today or some more soup.

The Head Line Would Read like this

The family sadly said good bye yesterday to the 1996 Honda Accord Station wagon that met it's untimely end on February 19th 2009.

The family was traveling home after watching Lion King and an evil and fast traveling SUV decided the red light did not mean anything and blew through the intersection.

Even though the air bags did not employ, there was enough front-end damage to realize it was time to send the car to the land of "parts" There she rests among those of own kind. Waiting to be needed in another way. Her head lights and door handles will be used by other with such vehicles, those that value their vintage Honda's and try to keep them on the road longer than those stinky Toyota's and Subaru's...

In her place a new vehicle has arrived. She has been loved beyond words by her prior parents. She has only 101,000 miles and is pristine. I mean, it is possible that no one has ever sat in the back seat. It was reported that no animals and no more than two children have been in the car. No food, no coffee, no muddy boots or even shoes. The second set of mats are in perfect shape.
She came with touch up paint. We are bonding with her perfect, never scratched, never dinged Champagne exterior.

I know brown and beige are brown and beige, no matter what you call them. Someone has already found a bright orange Wag More, Bark Less magnetic medallion and put it on the rear. I just could not help it. (Also there is stuff in the back.) It is down hill from here

Opening and Closing Doors

I guess I am with Mary-Elizabeth, I just want all of this to stop. I have had enough of the Cancer World thing. It just does not give up. Every time you think life is going to "get back to normal" something trips you up. The dogs leave a bone on the floor and trip, or the favorite restaurant is gone, or the weather man forgot to mention the 2 feet of snow that is falling. MAKE IT STOP.

That being said, I had that horrible feeling last night. I was securely nestled on a very high end brocade sofa in the Olympic Hotel in downtown Seattle. A very quiet, smiling woman dressed in black exited the elevator. She had a perfect splash of color from her tasteful and folded scarf. She walked over and introduced herself to Mary-Elizabeth. I asked if I was needed, both said "NO". She and Mary-Elizabeth entered the elevator and the door closed. I had the same feeling and flash back to the days she entered the radiation chamber at the University of Washington. Pressure builds in the chest. I become short of breath, maybe because I had stopped breathing all together and then I waited for her to come out again.

This time the wait was for an hour or more properly a therapist hour, of 50 minutes. She did re-emerge. After her radiation treatments she was usually smiling, complaining about how her mouth tasted funny, and she just wanted to go home to bed. She would have some crazy craving like Costco hot dogs and only Costco hot dogs.

A different person came out of the door. There were signs of tears. When I asked what was wrong, she said she just wanted to go home, now, please, don't ask, don't enquire. She hates to cry. I asked if everything was okay. She gave me the "LOOK"...

I guess we have to enter the hard places and address the hard issues in order to find the good doors to enter. Maybe if she goes up that elevator enough time, she can close the door on Cancer World.

David never changes.

Sally:

Hey, little brother
So you weren’t in Montana

David:

You know me better then that, this time of year I am in Mexico more often then no

Sally:

So what happen in Montana?

David:

No one will know for awhile, but I can tell you, I would never fly a ___________ (I didn’t catch the name)

Sally:

Do you think he ran out of gas?

David:

'I don’t know?

Sally:

Does it make you nervous?

David:

No! whatever it was, I wouldn’t let it happen to me! I am too careful.

You Know, they always keep a few instructions in a secret place

There are just so many things how would you ever learn it all, relay it all, forget it all. We are looking for therapist for Mary-Elizabeth. She is going to need to "PROCESS" all of the last five years. I guess this blog will help educate whomever we choose. So that will be easy. I have called all the resources I know and asked for referrals. A very wise individual left a very short part of a message that really sort of explained it all.

"She must be doing this now because this is the first time she has been able to stand it." Okay, we will deal with it now. Not later, not during but NOW.

So wanted: the best Cognitive Behavioral Adolescent Therapist in the greater Seattle area, should accept Boeing insurance.

I Just Hate Surprises

I guess this is not a surprise. I guess we have been talking about it endlessly on how it would happen. It is sort of like pre-parenthood. You are sure that (no matter the knowing look for other parents ) your life will return to normal. Normal never comes. We have all been waiting for the time that Mary-Elizabeth fell apart and began to really deal with being a cancer patient/survivor. Well

SURPRISE!

On Monday we had a big ACCESS appointment. I have yet to know what the letters mean but it is what happens when you are off treatment for two years. The gist of it was that M-E received a list of all her surgeries, treatment chemo drugs and the amounts. She was given a book of side affects. At 16 she heard a discussion about later cancers, thyroid cancer, breast cancer, bladder cancer and her possible lack of fertility.

Monday we had to have Won Ton in Hot Oil Sauce (Two orders). Tuesday she forgot her English books and needed a note. Wednesday she lost her planner and can't find Frankenstein, cried, needed to be tucked into bed, with Tucker and needed me to sing to her... Thursday she is still asleep and unable to face the world.

Well, I always need a plan. I am thinking sleeping in, breakfast, pedicure, a trip to the hardware store and maybe a movie. If that does not work we will try plan B. I will work on that while my toes are being painted.

Windows and the choices they give us.

Yesterday was cold and clear and beautiful. God was trying to make up for the snow dump on Wednesday. As I left the office I looked south and saw menacing clouds slowing creeping over the horizon. Our systems often sneak up from that direction. As I looked north I could see endless blue sky and a few wisps of clouds that would color nicely at the sun left for the day.

At that moment I decided to take the clear and sunny view as my view of the universe.

Some People Just Don't Get It

Every single day, I am thankful to the bottom of my toes that I am still a mother and that Mary-Elizabeth is still alive and relatively unscathed. She is grumpy and sleeping and leaves my shoes on the steps so I can trip. She expects to be fed and nurtured and demands attention. She was so so mad at me today because I told her she was not taking a car with her to college. She was huffy and left the car after announcing that "She was not going to discuss this with me."

We had never discussed this before. But it must be time.

All in all I would not miss a day of all this time. The moods, the expectations, the disappointments, the laughter, the tears.

Children's asked for a contribution. This is what I wrote last fall.

A Bit Removed from Treatment



Mary-Elizabeth’s story has been said, told and retold. We went to the eye doctor where he found swollen optic nerves. After many other appointments to detect the cause over two months we arrived fully into the "Cancer World" and all of its glory: side-affects, puking, fights with the insurance company and bottles of pills equal to mortgage payments. I want to talk about time away from the "Cancer World". It is a place that many people forget exists. Life after cancer is as jolting as life in cancer treatment. Cancer is like air, it is always there. Every sneeze, bump, bloody nose, strange look, craving, headache, bump, rash or anything else you can think about is the dreaded "RELAPSE". Every news story about a famous person that now is fighting the good fight again is gut wrenching. Time does make it better with each day being a little bit better than the last. Mary-Elizabeth went to bed by 7:30 every night during treatment. It took about six months or more of being off of treatment but she started to stay up later and later. She is now 15 months off treatment and is staying up until 11:00 p.m. doing homework. When she first ended treatment she was barely able to walk the dogs down the block and had to use the elevator at school. Now she takes all the stairs at Holy Names and does crew five nights a week. This fall she will row in three regattas! I realize that we have very gradually arrived back to "normal". It is more of a life similar to pre-cancer where it feels safer and healthier. It is a place where I can now plan to cook Thanksgiving Dinner this holiday and know it will happen. I also realize that I had unrealistic expectations about how long it would be before we arrived in this new place. In our experience for every two months of treatment, it took a month to really recover. She was in treatment for 30 months and we are 15 months away from it. Time in the "Cancer World" makes you appreciate so much about life, health and most of all “normal".
What does Children's mean to you, your child and your family?
Returning a phone call and hearing: “Hem/Onc Garcia here” is never good. It is not what any parent wants to hear, but having returned the phone call to Children’s was the best part of the call. I truly believed my daughter would survive treatment and would go on to live a good life after. I don’t know if I would have survived the process anywhere else but Seattle Children’s. To me Children’s is sort of medical department store with its labs, psychiatry, ophthalmology, dentistry, radiology and physical therapy all on site. There was no need to do more than take an elevator or find a new hall way to get between appointments. We only had to leave the main campus once for an appointment and that was for 12 doses of spinal cranial radiation. The Schedulers took care of making all of scheduling all of Mary-Elizabeth’s appointments and if there was a problem, they would solve it. The staff always took care of transferring records and x-rays between clinics and appointments so I never had to. Children’s is runs so well and they are so careful to make sure the patients come first. We had the luxury of having the same doctors and nurses throughout her entire treatment. They welcomed us with understanding, compassion and hints on where to find good coffee. Each cancer patient has a nurse practitioner and ours was Karyn Brundige. She was never rushed, always listened and worked with us on making cancer treatment palatable. Never can I say enough about the people, the care and the support we felt while there. Mary-Elizabeth is off treatment and she now seeks treatment for ordinary things from her primary care doctor. She loves him but we always look for an excuse to return to Children's instead.

This college thing is not scientific

We were able to find University of Portland and have directions to lots of other schools. If you don't leave the house with maps and directions, it is possible to not make good progress. M-E met one of her classmates at the University of Portland and the place is warm, inviting, people friendly, the guys passed my tests. Next time we will do a real tour and visit. She did score a sweatshirt, hooded of course.

She was sleeping both times we past St. Martins so that will have to wait. She will not even be looking at the University of Oregon. They are just too mean. We went to a couple of hockey games. The final was between Oregon and Washington. The players were a bit aggressive and very mean. The fans left something to be desired. She was not impressed.

So the search continues......;

So this is how it begins.

First you have to find the college and then you have to pay for it. I am going to let Mary-Elizabeth shop and I am going to work on the financing. Right now I am sorting through lots and lots of web sites and foundations for cancer survivors. Most are open to mostly everyone; some are just for certain counties in Maryland.

So the hunt begins for schools and scholarships. It is nice to have a goal that does not require waiting on the result from a blood draw.

A Friday the 13th is Coming

I should ignore it so I am going to take my daughter and head to look at colleges. I will not worry, I will not fret, I will not be concerned in any possible way. On the list this trip, University of Portland and St. Martins. Maybe a quick peak at the U of O.

See I am not worried. I am just g0ing to go and have a good time.

So now we enter "Long Term Follow-up"

I guess it sort of goes like this. A whole round of tests including an new Eco Cardiogram. Lovely type of test, very easy, non-evasive, fast and THE most expensive single test we have done and an fairly regular basis. Blood tests, lots of extras like Thyroid and Lipids and....... Then we sit down with our new Karen (not to be confused with our old Karyn) and are give the book. The book contains the whole story to date, all the treatments, number of doses, the whole nine yards. The best part is the "What to Look For" sections. When we have this I will see what it has to say. This is the FINE PRINT.

We aren't going until March so I should be in quite a stew before then.
I think I need to go to the Library. I need to read the biography of the Georgiana, Duchess of Devonshire. I watched the movie last night and need to know more.

The Inaguration

Loved it. Grandmother would have been appalled by the day dress but would have approved of ball gown. It has been a week. I'm not sure things have changed but there seems to be some movement towards some good things happening, eventually.

It has taken a long long time to get from being 3/5ths of a human to being President. I don't think we can last that long to work on some basic issues but then we shall see.

TREE UPDATE

All the ornaments and lights are off. Trying to make it out the door next.

College

I am not certain why just thinking about sending my child to college makes me giddy. I am surrounded by people full of anxiety and concern.

What school?
What Program?
How will it be paid for?
Will horrible and deadly things happen while she is there?
Will she be sucessful?
Will she have a good time?
Will she find those dear and lasting life long friends like I did?
How do we help her through those first few months?
Will anyone accept her?
Do I have to go on the big "college tour"

I just can not hop on that anxiety wagon. This is what I know.

Finals are next week.
Some great school she want to go to will take her.
The money will come from somewhere.
She will make great friends and have a good time.
She will be homesick but will handle it.\

But what I really know is that she will be going. I am more than content and satisfied with the fact that she will be
GOING

We Survived the snow and bitter cold

Said the very small humming bird

Let It Snow,...... Great in a Song Not so much in Reality

Snow, Ice, no wind, still have power. The Anna's Humming bird is still coming to the feeder. The feeder comes in every night and then is taken back out in the A.M. They feed on insects and nector. I think I m am curently the only port in the storm.

Tucker loves it and so does Sadie. She just gets very very cold and objects to the snow balls that form between her toes. I too object to snow falling in my boots when I forget to wear socks in them.