Sadie 10-12-99 to 11-11-10

Burying Sadie in the back yard was not on my to do list but sometimes things just have to be done. 

Please know that she went to Doggie Heaven with no fleas, haircut of less than a week and completely vaccinated.  She is wrapped in a lovely piece of pink flannel that was supposed to be for pillow cases for my sister.  But I figured she needed something soft and warm. She hated to be cold.

Oh my, I am so so sad.  She was just acting funky this morning and I stopped by the vet to see if they could take a quick look. She seemed fine there and so I made the decision to keep her in the car.  I was only going to be there a few hours and it would be quiet.   When I returned I looked in and she appeared to be sleeping.  I then realized she was not breathing. She was a bit warm and had been sleeping.

I had an appointment so I sat for a moment trying to take it all in.  Found a towel in the car, wrapped her up and then went to the meeting.


I called Mary-Elizabeth and told her I was driving around with a dead Sadie in the car.  I was crying and in her best MEB way she tried to make me feel better. 


So I came home in the dark and the rain and went to the garage.  Found a spot in the garden and buried her with the help of Jim.  He was greatly helpful and worried and sad and surprised and sad.  We cried and dug.


I found a lovely piece of pink flannel  that was supposed to be pillow cases for my sisterand wrapped her up. Tucker did not want to come near her.  She was placed in the ground and gently covered with earth. 


I am going to plant a whole bunch of daffodils and a tree on the spot and she will bring brightness and shade for years to come.




Oh, she will be missed, her barking, her instance on being boss, her need to have a treat all the time. 


We are a bit teary and will be sad for along time. 

More later.  Here are the last pictures taken of her..

Felicity d'Fibroid

Well we know we like to names things in this family.  So Felicity d'Fibroid has made an appearance in my "Abdominal Cavity".  She might have been there a while, maybe 15 months.  She needs to come out, sooner rather than later and will be having her last run in the  next couple of weeks. She is 18 cm by 18 cm by 17 cms...... we are talking huge.


Lots of questions still:  Do I get to keep my girl parts? Do I want to keep my girl parts?  Do we have to do cutting or are there other ways to get Felicity out? Do we need to worry about her distant cousin Larinda d Leiomyosarcoma? 


Like any medical process, there is a long series of actions leading up to the decision.  I am going to fight any more tests but then I might loose.  It seems to go like this:  1. Ultra Sound, Ct Scan, MRI.  I am starting to think that we love to use our machines.  The justification is that we do the least invasive first.  But instead of having once test, I get to have three.  Hummmmmmmm.


Surgery will be at Swedish.  Doctor to be determined.  Off to walk Greenlake because I am pretending nothing is wrong.

Dear Mary-Elizabeth;

November has arrived and we have been raking leaves.  You have been spared from the job because you are at college and they have people that do those sorts of things. AS I was raking I recall having a meal at Margaret's and Rory taking after you will a rake. I too the rake and you and Rory and we raked leaves.  It is a good memory.  There are lots and lots of those.  I think what you will find as you work yourself through life, you will have a series of memories that come and go.  They come to the surface when you the right trigger. 

I am experiencing a few of those right now with the "we can see you have a mass but we don't know what it is, let's do a few tests and see what we can do. 

 I think it is pretty easy.  Lets just go take it out (Melissa deMass) and call it good.  Then we can figure out what it is.  Moving the Medical system forward like trying to contain 10 gallons of wet noodles that have spilled on the floor.

Monday at 8:45 a.m., I meet with the doctor, she orders a CT and we discuss surgeons.  I work on some things I think should be handled today like planting the Purple cone Spruce and light another candle or two.

Sweetie, I just think this is an unexpected bump.  Good things: no knee rehab during winter and I loose lots of inches around my waist.  Bad, I cant think of any and that is a good thing.

Love Mom

I am a Chickedee but we are on different schedules

So I watched the chickadees yesterday as they took seed after seed from the feeders.  They were very busy.  I started to notice that they kept coming to the palm tree which sits outside my window.  They would hop around and then would be working a seed into the soft spongy bark.  They especially like the little pockets that surround the tree.  

Because of the nasty high winds and staggered down pouring rain, I used the nervous energy of Jim to work on the basement.  We dug deep into the corner and pulled out all the boxes, the books, the mysterious items that have collected for 18 years.  Moved them, sorted them and identified them.  Oh dear, I am any of the following:

1. A pack rat
2. A squirrel
3. A Chickadee

The difference is that I have now determined that it is spring.  It is time to clean out the old sun flower seeds. 

Parent's Week-end is not for the Children

Oh, no the first visit to college is not for the kids.  They are not homesick.  They really only want a minute or two, some food and then a chance to continue with their new live.  They fess up to some homesickness, say things like "yes I think about you every day".   They are polite enough to roll their eyes such that you don't see it.  I went to see ME this week-end and it was fun.  Dinner with her peeps, Coffee with her peeps, breakfast with more peeps, then some Mom and Daughter boot shopping. 
Time to go visit the craziness that is Liberty Lake, two kittens, four dogs and a great movie.
Lots of sleep, Sourdough  pancakes, trees to water, beautiful sunny days and crisp cold (Ice on the Birdbath). I so loved this time of year.

As I headed West, I thought about the week-end.  It really was about me finding out that she was doing fine.  Okay there have been a few issues with grades, a guy that sometimes makes her sad, but there is so much going on, some great people taking care of the kids, giving them a place to stretch those wings.  It is such a great feeling. 

I don't think she needed to see me as much as I needed to see her.  The rolls are starting to change.  Remember when they were wee little toddlers.  They would stumble or encounter a problem and make a beeline back to you for comfort. 

I made a beeline to her to just check-in and see if she was okay.  Life is good, the world is safe.  (unless I think about what I saw in Social Network and then she has to come home tomorrow and live in the basement forever.)

Adventures in Other Lands.

So...... sometimes there are things that happen and unless you are somehow connected, you miss out. the Kimchi crisis is one of those very things.   Unless anyone has been following the problems with crops this year, there is a Napa cabbage shortage in Korea.  This might seem like a small thing but Napa Cabbage is the source of Kimchi...  Much maligned fermented cabbage, sort of hot saurekraut. (I must confess I am a known maligner.)

So here is the story.  I have been hosting a series of Korean students attending a college in the University district.  They have been very happy to eat what ever I prepare but they all have tentatively asked for Kimchi.

Well I sort of resisted the temptation to take the little darlings to Owejimia and let them see all the things that are available for their consumption.  I  also heard these statements from Young Kim and Kujo that kimche was very very expensive and there was a supply problem in Korea.  NPR confirmed the rumor and then the Seattle Times printed the article.  http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2013073788_kimchi05.html

Well....  Who knew that a riot could be started if the President suggested Kimchi could be made from cheaper round cabbage.  I guess that means I have to give it a try.

Google and Wikepedia are our friends.  Martha has a good spin.  So, review of recipes, look at the pictures, go to the Korean Tofu House, taste some and dive in.

One Napa Cabagge. (79 cents a pound), ginger, garlic, Japanese radish, green onions, red pepper flakes, fish sause and a prayer.

Mix it all together and then wait.  Opps, maybe the red pepper was supposed to ground and not in flakes.  Did I soak the leaves in salt water long enough? The fish sauce was Thai, will that make a difference?  If I do this again what kinds of pepper should I use?  I wonder if I can do this with Chipolte instead of red?  Should I add bean sprouts and water chestnuts?  Should I find the sourse for aging jars? 

See this could be a very slippery slope! 

So the tasting will be next week. 
On a sweeter note the final fruit for the fruitcake has been gathered and is ready to soak. 

All in All life is good, unless you open my fridge and take a gander.

So as you bobb along.... Others are being caught up in storm of unknown crazyness

So you are sitting in church after being gone way too long and you have a guest so you are a bit distracted. You are wondering if some of your friends are there and you know, long morning.  Then there are the prayers and someone mentions a name of someone you know, someone you know very well, someone you have known since before they were born, someone that sort of went to St. Joe's because you said it was a good idea.  Someone that you have watched grow up and struggle and thrive and struggle some more.  Then you ask and someone tells you the same prayer was requested last week and then you panic a bit.

You sort of let it go out of your mind and start to look for the number on Monday. You leave a message for the dad, he is gone for a couple of days (worry increases)  You call the church and they don't know or are not telling. You leave a message for another friend, you take a look at facebook.  Yeah hospital is mentioned, more panic, You call your daughter to see if she can sleuth something out and then just wait for the calls to be returned.

Then the call comes, first from Dad, then from Mom, oh, yeah, not immediate disaster, not good.  Lots of things going on, Kidney, Liver, heart complications, lots to think about.  Immediately go into helping mode.  Easy switch.  Encouraging, suggest letting people help is a good thing.  Makes helping wanna be's happy.  Let Mom know that it is okay for someone else to rake the leaves, do the laundry and bring dinner over many times.

It is okay to make a list and let other's do some of the ordinary things that need to be done.  Oh, do I know that it is possible. 

Then pray, bargain a bit with God for someone else's child.  Try to figure what would help now, so here is the plan.  Pick up good coffee and some good treats, pick out a Mary to stay while needed in the hospital.  Find something to maybe help person interact with his younger brother. 
Pray,
Be thankful for the fact that we are just bobbing a long.

Birds are gathering and other things to think about.

So the birds, they birds, they birds.  They are hungry and demanding and going through at least two feeders a day.  Let me tell you, if I am dilatory about the refilling process, they let me know.

I am trying not to read anything into it but then a little voice in the back of my head is saying...... Winter is coming, Winter is coming.

I guess we are sort of ready.  I am going to harvest the three beets, 6 carrots and mound of potatoes this week-ed.  There will be a nice pile of green tomatoes and one or two Scarlett runner beans.  I think that is about it.  I hate to under estimate the importance of signs. 

So be forewarned.  It might be a bad winter. 

I have attached a couple of the pictures of my yard.  I realized they look like last years pictures.  Time to do something radical.  I guess I have a long winter to think about it.  I have a couple of trees to plant, some garlic to get in, some grapes to deal with some way.  I have fruitcakes to bake, and drawers to sort out.  I think I am booked for the near future.

Life is good.  A child at college is good.  Fall is good.  It is sort of like that quiet time of day just before the sun departs the sky.  A time of preparation.

Flat table Tops and other thoughts.

I have a house with no storage. So I tend to be a piler. I pile stuff on the table, the piano and then on the desk and the counter/eating area. It seems to be a problem. I would like to think it is from a lack of cupboards, or drawers or other places to put things. I am beginning to think it is just a problem.

I did some digging this week-end and began to discover the benefit of flat surfaces and bags that came from the flat surfaces in the past. It is sort of like a treasure hunt. Long forgotten items. Many of no value, some of great sentiment, all a surprise. So there probably is not a place for most of it in the permanent collection. There is a need to let it go and jot a note for the remembering times of life.

I must continue to sort. I am starting in one part of the room and moving out. I figure I won't be penned in that way. Pushing things out of the corners, into the middle and then out the door.

Things I am not doing:

I am not dealing with pictures. They are gathering in their own boxes.

I figure that for everything needs a new home. Chutes and Ladders goes, Scrabble stays.

I think I am working toward me having a new home but this process must happen first.

NO LORI THE LAUNDRY IS NOT ALL FOLDED. YET......

Moments of Sweeping or Folding

Lupe used to sweep, Father Gustavo used to sweep. It was something that happened every day and without haste. I think it is important to learn this form of "meditation" I don't sweep. I fold. Now don't think I fold cloths, NEVER! I fold fabric.

I take it all off the shelf and I refold it. I start at one side and move down the shelves. I find that it is a calming process. I find forgotten fabric, I find fun fabric, I find fabric I have loved, some I have hated and some I just ponder about. I let go of some, I plan new quilts for some, think of new and inventive ways to use it. I know that we require businesses to do inventories, to take stock in a calm way.

Pictures next.

Fruitcake

10 pounds of cherries-green and red, pineapple- red and yellow, orange peel-orange and 4 green glace' figs, one pound of raisins, two bottles of brandy. Let sit for 30 days. Add brandy as needed.

Be nice to Sally and maybe she will share.

60 percent to a cure.

As anyone that ever read this blog knows, I hate days that are the 13th. It reminds me of one of my personal "never ever going to forget the instant that....". days. That being said September 13th is my all time favorite day. It beats Christmas and Thanksgiving and my birthday months.

.

September 13, 2004 was the day that they declared Mary-Elizabeth to be in remission. She had been in treatment for a month and had failed the day 7 remission bone marrow. I did not understand the importance of her going into remission on that day at the time, I was just greatly relieved.

Since that date she has been through a lot. Lots of treatment, lots of side-effects, lots and lots of every thing. But then she has not been through a bone marrow transplant. These are good things.

4 more years and she will be cured.

Right now we take it one year at a time.

Do you remember where you were when?

each of us have events that are seared into our brains. Some personal some universal.


Mine:

1. The day they took my brother away to the Nampa State Home
2. The Day we left Idaho for Washington DC
3. The Day John F. Kennedy was killed
4. The Day Robert Kennedy was killed
5. The day the Space Shuttle blew up
6. The moment I realized I was pregnant
7.. The moment MEB was diagnosed
8. 911
9. the first time I tried Sushi and did not throw up.

I am always amazed at what we remember.

I just know that on 9-11 I began to apply a new rule to my life. NEVER EVER TURN ON THE TELEVISION WHEN NPR CALMLY SAYS : THERE APPEARS TO BE FIRE IN THE WORLD TRADE CENTER

Conflicts in Life

It is not alright to burn Bibles or Korans
vs
We have a right to burn Bibles or Korans

This is a country built on Religious Freedom but the very people that wave the flag and demand the right to burn Korans, also do not want to have a Mosque built. The burners will trade their right to burn for a promise to limit where a place for free worship will be built. It is so confusing.

We are a country of free people. This is not Pre-civil war times when only part of the people were free. Oh, that is right women weren't people at one time.

I don't understand the thinking but grant that they have the right to think that way. Trust me the world would be very unhappy if my way of thinking was imposed on everyone.

Drip coffee, white bread and Sunny D would be banned. Fruit Stickers would have to go, ketchup in small packages would be eliminated along with the people that pull out in the intersection and wait for the light to change. See, better to be a free society.

I also hate the death penalty but it might have to instituted for bad drivers.

Package arrived.

It was big it was red it was noticed. She is happy.

The Package has not arrived.

How could it be missed. It was huge, it was red, it had Mickie Mouse on the front and back. Life is not fair sometimes. It might be in another person's box. I suggested to the child that she ask. Something she is loathed to do. But then if she wants it she will ask.

I have a more important issues. I have lost my favorite ( and only) long rain coat. If I was smart I would have more than one but it was my favorite and I have had it for about 15 years. Oh, well maybe I can find a new favorite.

Today it is raining. Even Tucker does not want to go outside.

Writing Letters

It is a lost art. I realized this morning that I never did achieve the perfect place to write. That perfect place would be a fine writing desk that has a view of an endless garden in the English Countryside. The house would be heated by multiple fire places and staffed by a group of adoring much loved servants that knew their place. There would be some mist falling while I penned long thoughtful sentences on fine parchment with a gold tipped quill pen.

Okay so back to reality. No great surface. It is covered with papers and photo's and other miscellaneous junk. The view is of a palm tree. The pen is good but the favorite pen has decided not to flow appropriately. The letters are written. Not great words but words that might bring a smile to the new group of college girls that are so happy to be in their dorms without their mothers.

My Sister says I am not reacting in a normal way.

So I guess I am not properly grieving the loss of my daughter. I have not lost her, know exactly where she is. She is happy and healthy and doing her laundry, going to class and having fun with her friends. I am working on sorting and cleaning and working on projects. Maybe in three or four years when I am done with the main floor, will miss her.

I am getting bad mother points.

I took a Snow Day

I often have moments of sheer exhaustion at being in contact with everyone. I so wish had a place that was not so connected. How do we get to the quiet place if we have Wireless, Wifi, Blackberry telephones, computers that are all hooked up. How do we get to the books or the silence when it s just all sitting there screaming at us.

I just pretended that none of it existed. I sent an e-mail to my assistant, called my mother (sort of cheating) and turned off the phone and the computer and did not look at the Blackberry.

I took a deep breath and walked the dogs, dropped some stuff off at Goodwill, returned some unneeded items to Bed Bath and Beyond and took lots of deep breaths and cleaned the top of my counter top. It is not good to spill the rice. Sadie likes it raw.

No word from the Gonzaga child she is probably studying and is sure she is going to fail but then she always thinks that because she is not a million pages ahead of herself. I just hope I helped her find a way to find the quiet.

Now What....

That is what everyone keeps asking. So I guess this is What.

There are a million and one things that need to be done. Stupid little things that always seemed to be put on the back burner like matching the socks and purging as I go. It appears that if the dark socks are as dirty as the white socks, maybe they should all go into the Goodwill bag.

The three new chairs I bought need new seat covers. I know that out in the garage the tools for that job exist. So when I get there I will feel the need to organize and not get back to the chairs but rather find things that need to go to Goodwill. It will be a mystery as to how long it will take to get back to the chairs.

I was contacted yesterday by a group that need to store a student here for a month. He is from Korea and that should be interesting. I better see if I can clear a path to the upstairs bedroom. But is he is coming then maybe I should take the rug I was going to put up there to be cleaned and then send the one that is up there to Goodwill.

Child update: No news, I think that is good news.