Heavy Sigh

Sometimes I just need to purge the angst that floats in my soul. Sometimes one gets so busy they don't have a moment to think.  I have been trying to pay more attention.  Maybe rushing through life and pushing the bad stuff away works better. 

I think this down-and-out feeling on Christmas Eve is just a culmination of a year of imbalance.  I know things have been very disjointed and disorienting for several months.  Things I have valued and learned over the years are evidently not valued by many people.  The loud people.  Those extoling the virtues of hate, intolerance, and basic lack of sympathy.  Judges have been bought. Education is mocked. History is ignored. Science is discredited. The poor are not tolerated.  Immigrants are rounded up and treated like cattle. 

As a history major and a person with an amazing memory for many things (do  you know where my phone is right now?) I am so distressed.  

As I watch things unfold in our world, the distress does not seem to be fading.  It only amps up.  There are so many important things happening in the greater world and in my world. I just wish I had enough fortitude to face it all.  To read the papers, digest the events, and think about the consequences, but the events come so fast and furious that I am unable to even put my head up a bit to look around.  As a result, my world is shrinking.  I read less, go out less, engage with fewer people, sleep more, and watch less.  I find that even while watching something as simple as The Gilded Age, I have to stop when I can see there is going to be some conflict or issue that will make a favorite character uncomfortable.  I have become the child who rewatches the same movie or cartoon over and over because surprise is too much to handle.   Lots and lots of deep breaths are required.  Everything seems to trip me up.  

This entry was started in December and is being finished on April 13, 2026.  See, it is taking way too long to be able to lay out what is going on in my head.  Back to the Gilded Age.  Grandma Foster would have loved all the clothes.  Not that she was around then,

but she was certainly a lover of great fashion.