Time Certainly Passes when you are not having fun.

Oh dear.  It is the 16th of November.  I am a whole year older.  I feel a million years older than I did just a few months ago. 

We are both exhausted and worried and just deeply into handling the side effects of the side effects. 

 So this is how this goes:

Relapse
Get lots of Chemo
Have your counts drop
Have them give your bone marrow a drug to boost the production of white cells
Have the bone marrow really try and do a good job giving you of producing cells
Have your bones hurt and let you know by making your back and hips and shoulders scream in pain


So here we are, in the hospital after two trips to the ER and a midnight admission. After two hours of waiting the nurse brings the magic elixir and the pain goes away. The magic comes when asked for and tomorrow the elixir becomes some pills.  Home on Friday?

The other thing that works is sleep.  I slept, Mary-Elizabeth slept.  Now we might be up all night but I don't think so. 

Cancer is so so complicated.  It just is.  No one is the same, no one reacts the same way.  The body is complicated, cancer is weird, and I must give up the expectation that there is a single moment during treatment that will be predictable. 

  Every problem solved brings a new issue to be addressed.  Every time you think that there is a solution a new weird thing then something new pops up.  Nothing, nothing is easy. 


It breaks my heart to see my child try so so hard not to cry because of her pain.  I am going to try and get some good sleep. We are going to be happy that the pain is controled, that time will do its best to make things better and the quest to make the food better at will continue.

Just know that it passes the time to find out that Committees are forming, people are talking and the Chef continues to deep fry but he knows we know and change is going to come, but sort of like everything, there might be a few side affects to deal with......