She will be home Soon.

Well flight 435 is in the air. They are going to be tired and sick and tired of being hot. Oh, well they will be acclimated to heat we are about to have.

I have really really missed M-E these last few days.

No the laundry is not done. No the basement is not sorted and cleaned up. No the yard is not weeded. No the ........... you get the picture. I spent a lot of time just sitting and thinking. I read a good book, I looked for another one. I slept. I tried to be sociable. I discovered that I needed some time to not have to be in charge of anything or anybody. I did go out to dinner a couple of times and even a movie. Did you know movies are $3.00 at the Crest. When did that happen.

I am ready to have my baby home. Really ready. I need to re-connect and make sure she is real. She is such a presence and has such a special spirit. We think that we provide structure for them when I realize that something happens over the years. They come into our lives and dismantle the structure of our worlds and reshape it to fit them. I can tell I have had a full re-fit. My life alone is not what it used to be. I have faith that I could rebuild my BC life ( before child) but it would take a while. I can not just step from one role to another.

Let me tell you what I do know. I know that lots of people are saying lots of good prayers and lots of positive thoughts are headed our way. I know that we will survive anything that comes our way. I also know there are a whole lot of things I don't want to have to "survive".

I went to church yesterday and lit three candles. One for M-E one for Johnny and one for me. Then I asked Mary for a bit of wisdom on how to watch your child go through difficult time. ( I will let you know if I have any incite.) Then I tried to sit down. Some person told me that the seat was taken. Now it was a completely vacant row but I was not welcome. At that juncture, I thought, well, so much for going to church and feeling better about things and stormed out. As I was driving to my office I realized how very touchy I am and that I needed to not deal with anyone. Nowwas is reasonable for a happy family to want to sit together? absolutely. Was I over reacting? of course. Was it better for me to be alone in my office for a few hours? Most certainly.

Is it okay to need some time and space, yes. I think being in church with a baptism going on would have been hard. Solitude is sometimes a good thing.