Wise Words

" I know what I can do. I just don't know what I want to do."

Ruth Verhoff 1-27-07

I have been having these crazy dreams the last few nights. Long working dreams. The one's where you wake up tired. The ones that keep going even after you wake up and go back to sleep. They are the type where you are lost in a dark dark town. You finally find someone and find a place to stay but have to keep going to get there. I ended up in Vermont. I could look out over the valley and was perplexed as to why I did not see any cows. En route to Vermont, we must not forget the giant mother and baby skunk in the field. Or the small problem with my backing into the 1944 WinWam ( Looked like a VW Van to me) The blond teenager wanted to know if I was going to help pay for the small crease in the fender and asked for $2500.00. Evidently it is expensive to fix a 1944 WinWam. I was at the movie theater before I realized I had insurance. Then there was the evil neighbor that would not leave us alone and we came home and had to leave our house and stay with them, but they were moving but could not move until he delivered the baby that was due on that day. His wife was ready to go to work and I had to stay and there was a big rottweiler that needed to go for a ride and I took him and everyone wanted to pet him and he was vicious and I could not find a place to turn around to go home...............

See, sleep is exhausting and confusing and oh so disturbing. I think I have to make some changes in my life and my dreams are definitely search dreams. We shall see what tonight shall bring.

M-E update: No news is good news.

Looking and Seeing

Look..... Look..... Look, a word that echoed through my childhood. Come see.... We didn't have a TV so we played games, read books and looked out the window at the birds, clouds, trees, or the weird neighbors. It didn't seem to matter.

Girls came over today to bake. For some reason M-E wanted to have them over to bake. We had a bunch of stuff left over from the Christmas baking that did not happen. So they arrived and they baked. Now when more than one 14 year old is in the kitchen, only limited baking happens. So one pan of 7 layer bars and a cheese cake. A movie has been attended and some art work has been produced. The dogs have been walked and fed and then lots of talking.

I found myself saying Look....... as the birds arrived. I found that Look still works and still has the same power. They all came to the window and we had a short bird lesson. After the moment, they went back to the "baking" and chatting and I took a moment to look. I saw 4 girls lost in the chat of girls. I saw smiles and heard laughter. I saw "Normal". I loved that I did not have to look very far.

It Seems like We Should Be Done

But then something little happens, in this case a fall down the stairs.

Something so little and the worry mode is triggered. Did she fall because she was mad at having to help put Christmas away. Is it left over from the Vincristine? Was she just moving too fast? Was it a bit of all of the above? How bad will the bruise be? Is anything broken? Why is the back of her hand still so bruised? Is she tired because of being 14 or has her hematocrit dropped? Should I just clean up Christmas or worry/

See, I thought it was over. There is really nothing to worry about but then I thought I was done turning on the Christmas Lights. When the snow started, I turned them back on because they looked so wonderful.

We still have a fair amount of the white stuff left. More is coming tonight. I don't worry that this is a product of Global Warming because we do have these storms on occasion. I worry about Global Warming when it is 50 degrees in Red Square and no snow in sight. Now that is a problem. I still get cold when I think about Dr. Zhivago!

They Know What They are Saying When They Say YOU CANN'T GET BLOOD OUT OF A TURNIP. Did you know Mary-Elizabeth is a Turnip?

I found out yesterday that she is not human or even in the mammal family. She is a turnip. She does not look like a turnip, smell like one or even taste like one when dipped in dressing or roasted in olive oil and salt. She just looks like a kid. But she is not.

Yesterday she had her first post-chemo blood draw. No veins were found, and when one was coaxed into appearing and was poked, the blood went to other parts of her body and her hand pretended to be a turnip. The blood would not flow no matter how much they coaxed. Finally when the other hand realized it was next, some and I mean some, in a very minute but sufficient way, came out.

The lab said it was "just enough" only a drop too much.

We have to plan on how to do this next time.

January 8th

This may have been Elvis's Birthday

This may have been my Grandmother's Birthday (She would have been 99)

This is more important than any of those items:

It is M-E's first Post Treatment Blood Draw. There is a knot in my stomach that no amount of Chocolate will fix.

Numbers to be posted later.

Cranes

They fall in Bellevue.

They swing around in the wind in Seattle and break windows.

They are brought back from certain extinction by old family friends.

They are folded by cancer kids in search of survivorship. What I find wonderful is that this folding and stringing has brought a "string of kids' together.


M-E began her 1000 during one of her dexemethosone times. It was a very hard time for her because she was full of anxiety and needed to do something, had no energy because of the chemo and had to do them perfectly. She has many more to go. Elise R. had a folding party this summer. Her 1000 cranes are with her all the time, either in the room or at home. As I have mentioned before, Elise R. is a little girl with nasty ALL. Hers laughed at chemo therapy and she went straight to transplant. M-E and I have spent time with the family in lots of ways. Phone calls, visits, cards, letters. We gave Elise 13 pieces of tiny beautiful paper for her Day 13. Now M-E and Elise and her brother Jared are in a contest to see who can fold the tiniest crane.

We were asked to help a family and be a resource. M-E She was a bit reluctant at first because she did not feel like a survivor yet. She could not imagine what she would have to offer to someone else with cancer. It did not take her long to realize she had a lot to offer. In fact, this has become her service project for school.

The chain of cranes has expanded to another child. Estifania, Fani for short. She is a lovely little girl from Eastern Washington with a high energy Lupe clone. Elies's family decorated Fani's room for her long transplant stay. M-E made her 100 cranes for the first 100 days. When we delivered them, M-E showed Fani how to make them and thus the cranes are continuing in their journey.

M-E's presence was requested for a second lesson and during that time, another child hitched a ride on the lesson.

We have to go buy more paper. Not just paper but "good paper". It doesn't really matter. What ever lifts these kid's spirits.