This is what I would hope I have taught my daughter:
The world is hard and unfair sometimes, but that it's all OK because she is so loved. She is surrounded by souls who would do anything to help her. And not only that --- she has wisdom and patience of her own, buried deep inside her being, which will only reveal themselves over time and will always carry her through any trial. She is a gift from God to all of us. (Eat Pray Love)
I hope this is what she knows and that it will carry her through her life.
Twenty Years, Two Hundred and Forty Months, Seven Thousand Days, and Three Hundred Days. Since we started chasing Leukemia.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Trips to Visit the Daughter
We have sort of had a rough patch. Lot of less than fun things, deaths, unexpected medical stuff, tsunami, earthquakes, new places to drop bombs, overall a very unsettling times.
MEB called in a panic. It sort of when like this:
I am stressed,
I am not sleeping,
I have no time for sleep,
I am worried about...... fill in the blank,
I am freaked out about housing for next year,
I am worried about my grades,
I am wondering if I will get my classes,
It goes on and on and on.
Now I am not sure if it was her panic and despair, or my worry layered on her panic and despair, but I fell back on a Mary Lanhamism, fix what you can.
Step one:
Go on line and obtain tickets to the Gonzaga Girls NCAA tournament because if I am able to buy them, it must be a sign a trip to Spokane is in order.
Step Two:
Call good friend Anne, request chocolate delivery to child in distress;
Step Three:
Check calendar and make sure there is time for quick jaunt to Spokane,
Step Four:
Re-arrange life, dog hair cut, figure out who is going to pick up the cat, how the children will be cared for and fed.
Step Five:
Drive to Spokane even though the child sounds great by week's end. Keep driving and enjoy the long and sincere hug that comes at the end. The child really loves seeing you. Realize that since her tumultuous drop off in August that you really have not had much good time with her because of all the "stuff" that is happening.
During the drive, realize that when the world is falling apart and you realize there is nothing in your control, the best thing is to appreciate and grab on to the special things in your life, like our children, our friends and any good energy in the universe.
Also, it never hurts to have Sweet Sixteen shirt, tickets to a girls basketball game and a Zagnut bar.
MEB called in a panic. It sort of when like this:
I am stressed,
I am not sleeping,
I have no time for sleep,
I am worried about...... fill in the blank,
I am freaked out about housing for next year,
I am worried about my grades,
I am wondering if I will get my classes,
It goes on and on and on.
Now I am not sure if it was her panic and despair, or my worry layered on her panic and despair, but I fell back on a Mary Lanhamism, fix what you can.
Step one:
Go on line and obtain tickets to the Gonzaga Girls NCAA tournament because if I am able to buy them, it must be a sign a trip to Spokane is in order.
Step Two:
Call good friend Anne, request chocolate delivery to child in distress;
Step Three:
Check calendar and make sure there is time for quick jaunt to Spokane,
Step Four:
Re-arrange life, dog hair cut, figure out who is going to pick up the cat, how the children will be cared for and fed.
Step Five:
Drive to Spokane even though the child sounds great by week's end. Keep driving and enjoy the long and sincere hug that comes at the end. The child really loves seeing you. Realize that since her tumultuous drop off in August that you really have not had much good time with her because of all the "stuff" that is happening.
During the drive, realize that when the world is falling apart and you realize there is nothing in your control, the best thing is to appreciate and grab on to the special things in your life, like our children, our friends and any good energy in the universe.
Also, it never hurts to have Sweet Sixteen shirt, tickets to a girls basketball game and a Zagnut bar.
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Month 2
Deep into remembering. Someone sent me this picture of Dad. I am sure that we have lots more but there is a certain feel about this picture. Two Months, 60 days, tears are still very close to the surface. I have absconded with one of his very water proof rain jackets. (Something we really needed yesterday) and I unzipped a pocket and found a partially used book of matches. It made me cry.
Oh, well.
Oh, well.
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