This A.M. I headed there to acquire the sandwich for Mary-Elizabeth. She had virtually nothing yesterday because of her sever headache that kept her in a dark and asleep most of the day.
First they were our of sandwiches. I could recover from that disappointment but then I tried to recharge my card with a bill larger than a $20.00 and was sent away.
"Starbucks does not take bills larger than a $20.00"
After daily trips, hundreds of shots of espresso, and lots of interchanges, I was sent away. Without the a recharged cards.
Oh, dear now what.....
I am at a place in this journey when even the slightest bump makes me cranky. It is a silly thing. I could give them a credit card. I could go and get the bill changed in the cafeteria. I could bring them 100 in coins. I could meet them half way and figure it out. My emotional skin is so so thin I don't have any flexibility or creativity or .........
I needed them to say yes and just fix it. Fix it. Fix it. Fix it... When things are so so hard and hard, some things just need to be easier. I need Yes to be then answer to any reasonable question.
I would think, "here,take money so I can be hyped up on espresso", would be easy.
People are coming and going. Some are hearing "Yes": Yes you can go home, Yes you can start chemo, Yes we can cure you, Yes you have options if this does not work.
Some of us hear "No" No you can not leave the hospital, No you can not return to college in the fall, No movies, no dinners out, no no no
So next week we are looking for only YES.
1 comment:
It says so much about your state of mind that this bit of disappointment (UNFAIR! UNFAIR1)can bring out the frustration and anguish you are holding off with Mary Elizabeth. And yet you must return to her and relate only light hearted tales of your foraging, since of course she can no more tolerate negativity than she can a stray virus or random bacteria that could set her back so. She has no defense against negative moods or actions and so you are the deflector of bad news, sad news, you are the bringer of light and air and happy possibilities. And who helps to lighten you mood? Who puts netflix on your laptop and watches The Three Stooges and Chaplin and Keystone Comedies and Chevy Chase and the Comedy Channel with you? Your blog is the perfect place to rid yourself of dark moods, here you can vent. Here it is safe. Here we wrap our arms around and cry for you. I do not know how you rise to face the day sometimes, and yet you do. And you smile. You laugh. You bring your game face to your daughter, and you give her the best of your day, the very best day that you can put together. Who else can do this with her. Who else?
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