Waking with More Questions Than Answers

I am a person of endless questions.  I want to know about stuff.  It is a driving passion. Why is the dirt red here?
What is our elevation?
When did they plant those trees?
Why didn't they ever plant trees?
What are those trees?
What is Devil's Slide?

How did they find the passes through the mountains? 
Why did Lewis and Clark use the Missouri and not the Mississippi?

Endless, all the time.  Discussion, and contemplation and Google searches.

So yesterday as I was driving into the valley, I was thinking about the last time I did this drive.
I was 22 years old.  The age of Mary-Elizabeth.  I was going to my first job as a Teacher in Dietrich Idaho.  I was to teach English 7-12, Reading and be the Librarian.  Salary of $8,800.00.   1977.  

I don't know the answers to so many things.  Where did I stay until my little trailer was ready? What did I bring with me?  Did I have my sheets and blankets?  How did I furnish the place? Was there furniture here?  
How in the hell did I do the job? I do remember a call to Dad and some tears.  I was worried and afraid and felt so alone. The call was from a pay phone in Shoshone. 

I am going to have to ask Amy.  She came to visit me.  

I do know the answers to some of the questions.  I learned to love it here.  To this day, I love the high desert with the vast horizons, the burrowing owls, the antelope, the storms, the sunsets.  I remember growing to love my fellow teachers.  James, John, Judy, Anne, Janet.  Each added something to my life in a different way.  Things I have carried with me all these years.  

Oh, dear, time is running out for this mornings musings.  I am meeting James and John for breakfast in Twin Falls before we make the final push to Seattle.  To our current home.  

I am so glad to have been on the road to Twin Falls more than one time in my life. 

Unpublished thoughts from the Beginning of Trip, thought appropriate as we are almost done with the journeyu

We woke to Sunshine this morning.  Billings. We have traveled less than a 1000 miles but then that is okay. We are on a road trip. A Sally and Mary-Elizabeth Road Trip.  So we don't get very far very fast sometimes.  Sometimes it is necessary to leave the room in Drummond Montana at 11:45 am. 

We then need to abandon the plan and head off to places unknown.  Only rule.  Must be headed South or East.  No back tracking.

How can you not go to Highway 1 and stop at Hall and Philipsberg and see the worlds best stocked candy store.  Cool, cool old town.  I want to move there.  Of course every town we go to “I want to move here” comes out of my mouth. Small is better.  While not practical it feels,  better.  It is so much better. 

Back on the road but not until we have taken a couple of good pictures and stopped at the Sapphire gallery.  Who knew they grew in Montana.  Then a moment on the really high scary pass with the cool canyons and cool rocks and then a drive through Anaconda…

Then time for some serious driving.  No She wouldn't let me stop at the Ghost Town or the head waters of the Missouri River.  No we could not visit Three Forks State park or go find out why they named Greycliffs , Grey Cliffs.  No we could not go ask to drive through the private property on Crazy Mountain and see how close we could come to the base. (Crazy Mountains, just sitting there on the plain.  Looks like they were plucked up from the Sawtooth range and plopped down.

We drove, we saw the runners for the Special Olympics,  (Event starting in Billings next week-end.)  We were almost smashed by very big, did I mention big pick-up trucks… Frozen lakes, hail, visible snowing in not so high mountains.  Hugh valley vistas, lots of bovines and sheeps…  lots of critters.  There is a great lack of Mooses… I want to see some Mooses.  Not lots of birds, deer crossing and one sheep warning signs.   No sign for the Clinton Montana Testicle Festival. 

Lots of really big trains going and coming and going.  Rail crossings are to be respected.  No messing with them.  There are trains here that could crush your car like an aluminum can.  

So today, we are headed to real sights.  A search for answers.  We will peer into the past and wonder.  Why did Clark carve his name?  Big Horn. Why was Custer so arrogant?  Why do the Praire dogs looks cute and can we have one?  Where did that hunk of rock come from (Devils Tower) and of course it is sacred! 

Odd and only funny at 1:30 am.

            Perkins, that is the Dennys for here.

            Oh, I think that is a USO.

            Clarkfork river…. We have crossed it only 16 times.

            How do those black bovines birth those white babies.

?

Dark Side of the Moon..

Sun again. A bit of sun.  We are finally at the end of Eastern Journey.  We swing around the back side of the falls and head back West.

Frankly I was a  bit disappointed at the falls last night.  We of Western blood are not used to seeing falls quite like this.  From here we are on the top looking down.  I was raised with  Bridle falls, Yellowstone falls,

Snoqualmie falls.  They come to us from mountains high above.   This is something where the water just falls, over a cliff and we are level with them .  the mist was also in the way and the huge Midwest thunderstorm.

The sun woke me about 6 am and I was pleased to see that the mist settled down, and I began to watch the water, the never ending water fall, plunge, leap, did I mention fall, down the horse shoe cliff.  The river is Mississippi wide and smooth and the rapids are short and tentative.  I can imagine it must have been a surprise to see it from river level the first time.  As I look at the people walking by this morning, the size is confirmed.  I will be wearing my new Cowboy rain coat.  I will be seeing it up close.  I will be a grand adventure to our trip.  Our swing around will be eventful as we head back to our home, crossing the country licity split.

This time it is about seeing people we love and care about.  Part of our people that have been with us for so long. Deeply held and valued friends.

Mom's Decided to Move to a smaller place.

Okay, not unusual words.  Words spoken lots of times. There are so many people that transition every single day from their parent's their children, their friends.  It was not unexpected and Mom had joked and talked about it for years.

It is one thing to hear it.  It is another to really have to deal with it.  Lots and lots of emotions involved.  Lots of loss, lots of gain. Lots and lots and lots.  A life time of lots.

It is a reliving and re-letting go of everything that has been your life.  As drawers are opened and cleared of the assorted stuff that accumulates there is the picture, the small vase, the gloves from another point in time.  If feels like being drug along a zip line, slamming into a tree and starting again or backing up or zooming to the side.  It is an emotional mine field.

Mom and Dad were only in the Eugene house for 15 years.  Most of the stuff in the house is new to me.  Most was purchased after I left the next.  I don't have a lot of attachment to many of the things but still there is something about the Parental Stuff.  It is imbued with special magic. 

Mom's lamp, Grandma's table, Dad's change box.  Bits of history and juju are there.  Everyone has different memories about different things.  It is really interesting to learn what is important to everyone and why.  Alex loves the art.  David loves the Michigan Furniture, Belle is enamoured with a library table and the Hoosier.  I want the round table where we did puzzles.  Some of these things are more relevant than others.  I had no idea David loved the furniture.  Every single bit of it.  Belle is a bit more practical because of her ongoing and continuing transitions.  

None of us need anything.  We are living in full houses with all of our accumulated "stuff".  We all face the downsizing of our lives in the near future but there is still something, something about all of it.   I think part of the wanting of the "stuff" is the idea that having rescued the treasures, even the mundane stuff, it is not a real thing.  An era is not coming to an end.  We are not getting old and we are not facing our own mortality.  Life is not changing and transitioning.   We still have a place we can come to visit and revert to our 14 year old selves.  

Tomorrow Mom has her total hip replacement.  There is nothing to tell she won't do well, figure out how to get in and out bed and be able to come home to totally recover.  We will start the process of packing the stuff she is taking to her new place and then begin the systematic process of sorting and ridding the house of it's remaining contents. 

It is a process but I have lots of experience with process and so do the other mamebers of this family.  

That is how it feels today.