Almost didn't feel the landing. We have arrived. We are here. It was a quiet re-entry, a soft gentle thump. No broken bones, no real jarring crash. A simple.... quiet... sigh.
So now what? Like all endings there are things still to be done. Loose ends. Eye stuff, teeth stuff, Port Removal. Medication ending. Some being changed and added to facilitate the end. Some sticking around until January and some never end but the list is much much shorter.
Deep sigh. Quiet contemplation about what it means.
Maggie wondered if we were having a party. An end of treatment party. Does not seem the thing to do. Does not seem like I am ready to celebrate. I wonder if celebration at the end of the last journey was a form of hubris. Are we really really done? Is it done? How do we know? When do we know? Will we ever know for sure?
I know when I read about people ending treatment and rejoicing, a little part of my heart hurts for them. A bit of fear resides somewhere, that little voice, that nagging smidge of knowing.. knowing they might not really be done.
They might have the call from the tired child with the bruises and the headaches and it might start again....
I am so grateful and so relieved and so....
So if I rejoice, is there another parent out there, sending me a heartfelt warning. If they have a story of another journey?
Going to do some breathing. Some quilt finishing. Some reading. Some taking in the moment, quietly.
so she has had some Grandma Mary time. Always good. She loves the little old ladies. She loves to listen and comment and just fit in. It does not take very long for them to realize she is one of them. She has packed 80 plus years into her short 22.
We have some very important days ahead of us. Serious and important. On Thursday we have the last appointment with the SCCA until January's big annual appointment. I have lots of hopes that lots of meds are going away. She has successfully tapered off the side-effect causing drugs and it should make the rest go away.... she could be down to some vitamins a bit of thyroid medicine and over the counter allergy stuff. Oh, to hope for such a list of meds.
It is hard to hope or trust. Tomorrow marks our 10 year anniversary. 10 years ago tomorrow this ceaseless, never ending journey began. But we are only marking the beginning.... we begin on the 14th of August 2014 to mark a new beginning. The end of Double Cord Blood Transplant complications. 2.6 years of constant diligence, concern, anxiety.
It is replaced with new worries but new is always a way to start a school year. New binders, new roommates, new classes, new teachers. New.
We are all about New Starts, New Hope and New Adventures.
She gets off the train at 12:30...... Here we go.
