Cancer is a Monday to Friday event. If there is an emergency they can go into full throttle but everyone likes the "regular" folks. So I bet that when the decision was made there was a discussion about whether to make the ultra sound happen on the week-end.
Making it happen and having someone read it and really figure it out are two very important parts. The real docs are around during the week so we will wait.
I will watch South Park, quilt a bit. Make some complicated dish for dinner. Read all the back issues of the newspaper and get caught up. I will put my new Obama for President magnet on my car and I will try not to devour the kitchen's contents. I will walk the dogs, watch the rain, go to church and light some candles and work on War and Peace.
I will call my mom tomorrow and let her know and she will tell me not to worry and then will hang up, call all my siblings and will make everyone worry. We will all call each other and tell the other not to worry and then continue to worry.
We have been on this journey for such a long long time and every little, little, tiny thing just upsets the apple cart.
Maybe I will re-organize my wine. I have some from a Winery I don't remember visiting. I bought some really good wine from there but I don't remember being there...... My credit card does...... Sometimes forgetting is a good thing.
BMT, Bone Marrow Transplant doctors are a skittish bunch. A bad number one day (1.2) is okay. An explanation of lack of drinking makes the number acceptable. A repeated bad number with lots of drinking (1.3) is not okay. Two calls, two sets of appointments, that weird worried voice, the one that sets my nerves on edge...
"She has to come in tomorrow and again on Monday...... for a full appointment. We will make room for her."
Sounds Innocent to normal folks. It made me think about making sure we had a hospital bag packed.
It is just scary. In that deeply awful way that chills my soul. I know the voice, I know the fear. The kidneys are not happy. They are keeping some things and getting rid of others and because of everything they have been through even the smallest increase makes them worry. If the doctor's are worried, then I am terrified.
There is the secret floor at the hospital. It is a place no one talks about. No it is not the inpatient psych unit, or the pool or the hem/onc overflow unit, it is dialysis. Oh please let us not go there.
See, an increase from baseline sends me over the edge. I will come back. I will focus on getting the house ready for the housekeepers.
