Day 100 is almost here....

 IF THE BRIDGE GOES UP IT SHOULD BE FOR A BIG REASON.

The trees have lost their leaves, spent a winter bare and have now returned to their full compliment of foliage.  So much looks the same.  It just does not feel the same. 

I so remember when this happened last time, when we were headed to maintenance from intense treatment. As much as I hated the frenetic pace of active treatment, there is a lot of fear associated with not having frequent blood draws and scans and .......... 

We are a long ways from being cut loose from blood draws and constant monitering but there is still a lot of anxiety.  Her bone marrow was clear but then

 I HAVE HEARD THAT BEFORE.

Her counts are good. 

BUT THE PLATELETS ARE DROPPING

She seems to be doing well and no really new GvH.
BUT IT CAN AND WILL POP UP ANY WHERE, ANY TIME. 

Here is the list of things to watch for:  CATARACTS, LYMPHOMA, LUNG, LIVER......

So what do we do.  We trust in the passage of time.  The advancement of medical technology.  The power of prayer and chocolate.  We take each day as it comes and try to not panic too much too often (chocolate).  We look for new ways to rebuild a life and slowly mearge back into traffic. 

The String seems to Stretch and then...

I am not admitting any of the following:

Trip to See Gauguin exhibit at the SAM.  Fast trip in before lots of people showed up.

I am not admitting to a trip to BelSquare for some sliders and beet salad and a bit of shopping.

I am not admitting those things because maybe we were both feeling really randy and wanted to pretend that there was not a transplant just waiting to act up.  It was going so well and then.....

Mom you didn't tell me about the bruise on my back. 

What bruise?

Sally, keep calm.  It is just a little blood under the skin that looks horrible.  Don't panic.

Oh, dear, it is big and ugly and black and purple and right around the place she has to have one more lumbar puncture...   Damn.

Call to SCCA.  Talk with Monica.  Go in for blood draw.

Platelets are down to 60.  Down from 70 on Monday.    Damn.

Now what? 

Medication?
Problems with ElliMae
CMV ( virus that we all carry that does something)

Oh,  on top of all the " it is probably nothings there is this deep dark bit of fear. 

Why can't it be over?  I want this to be done.  I want to be able to breath long enough to finish my income taxes and get my dog groomed and start finding a job.  I want to get far enough from this transplant thing to forget about it.

I will come around and it will be fine and I will put my worry away.   

Oh, in case you did not know the stores are filled with white linen jackets for men.  Did I enter a time warp?  Is Don Johnson back?  At least they are not polyester.

Painting done by the father of Baik. I keep thinking about Venice.  Maybe because it is a city with a long history and great ability to survive.