One Step Forward, Three Steps back

I need to go take a shower and go do four hours of a deposition. I could be more ready but then I have to rely on the fact that I have done this many times and it will take on a life of it's own. Sort of like this thing named Likemia that has lived with us for four months.

M-E is in what is called Interim Maintenance. This is supposed to be a good time. Time where her body rebuilds itself. Every 10 days she has to have some chemo but in our world that is a cake walk. I looked at the schedule and thought she would be in school, I could work, we could do some Christmas stuff, we could have a non-stressful time. This would be a time to get a sense of equilibrium back.

99.9, 101.2, 100.6.................................................... The Yucks. No explanation, no apparent cause, no relief. 3 liters of IV fluids a day and I am back to begging and pleading for her to eat or drink anything. She has to get over this. She has to have a day or two where she feels better. She has to want to join the world again. We have hit 24th day of the fever. Okay, that is a problem.

I keep learning more and more about medicine. Did you know that around 4:00 am your body temperature simply drops? That's why you wake up sometime in the middle of the night, ususally at the same time. It is not anxiety or too much water before bed or because the dog needs to go out, you just have to move around a bit to get your temp back up. Those of you that sleep all night would not do well in cave times. In the afternoon when we all want that sleepy time our temperatures are up. We need to sit down, have a spot of tea and relax while the body clock resets itself. Afternoon cocktails are to be encouraged.

We will fight this and get through it. We will have a Christmas with an under decorated tree, very little hoopla. No Lion King, Nutcracker, A Christmas Carrol, ride on the carousel or even dinner at Ruth and Jerry's with friends. We might even miss Christmas Eve Mass.

But we will have a great tree with a crooked top and lots of lights. We will have good smelling candles and I might even organize my Christmas stuff. It will be fine.

I will take some time next week and just do the only thing that seems to make M-E feel better right now and that is hold my daughter ever so gentlyand just be there. Not on the phone or on the computer. We will watch some bad television. I will just crawl on to the bed and try not to hurt her. I have this need to sort of pet her head and surprise, surprise, hair hurts when it grows back. Who knew and why did they not tell me?

Oh well I suppose I should not be surprised at what people don't tell me I am a lawyer on the way to do a deposition.