Somewhere in my simple simple mind, I have convinced myself that if M-E makes 6 months into Maintenance without relapse, she will be home free. I am sure that if I don't hope too much, keep to the program and keep a close eye, the evil liukemia will not return. As we move further and further away from intensive treatment, I realize how debilitating that part of our lives has been.
While you are in the process you just keep going. You just keep at the process and don't even question. I realize how crazed I have been the last few months. It comes to me when I feel we can sit down and watch a movie together or I can let myself quilt and not feel guilty or I feel guilty that the laundry has not been done.
We have stepped so far off the path that I don't know if I want to go back or even if I can find it.
I can remember a Ray Bradbury story. I am sure it was a short story. The people were taken back in time and allowed to kill dinosaurs. They were to stay on a path and only killed the animal just before it was to die. The main character stepped off the path and wondered around the forest. He climbed back on, pretty happy with himself and returned to current time. When he arrived everything was slightly different. The uniforms had swastica's on them, the area was a different color, the world had changed. He looked down and on the bottom of his shoe he found a small glistening wing of a butterfly. His act has changed the world.
I feel that our feet are covered with wings and things may never be the same.
No comments:
Post a Comment