Mom, I don't think the Leukemia has sunk in.

Where did that come from? I did not know what to say. Here we are in month a zillion. She has had 2.8 million doses of chemo and been poked a few thousand time. I have administered gallons of hydration and flushed more lines than toilets. I have counted out a few guthousand pills and put on enough emla cream for a face lift and ME is still wondering about the Leukemia. I guess I am not the only one in denial.

Maybe that is how we get through theses things. Our mind goes onto automatic and we simply do what needs to be done, near term. As I think about it, I should not be surprised. It has not been about the overall process but a treatment, by treatment mode. We have not discussed long term effects of the treatment or really long term prognosis. It has been very day to day. Little bites of the apple. Maybe after so much and so long and now that things are sort of quiet, she is starting to think about what it means to be a Cancer kid.

I guess on some level I am in the same boat. I don't think I have ever spelled Leukemia in this blog. I know in my mind I certainly don't like the Cancer title. She does not have Cancer she has Lukemia.

I too have focused on the moment. I have been afraid to consider a future. It took all of my courage to make reservations at Palisaides for this year. I have even thought it might be time to make reservations at Toyota's Sushi for the ITS FINALLY OVER party. We are so close to only having a year left.

I think this whole high school thing is starting a whole "looking toward the future" process. She is so so stressed. She is freaked. She is worried about all of her friends and how the final decisions are going to affect everyone's lives. She is worried about high school and all the new type of pressure. We all know she is ready but she is not so sure.

Maybe the title of this entry should be :I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE IS ALMOST READY FOR HIGHSCHOOL.