Half Way Through Radiation.( Someone else and not M-E)

Pale, washed out, tired colors. I guess I chose this shade because of my thoughts tonight. Elise R. is 50% through with her total body radiation(TBR). She is 11 and for 9 minutes, she must stand by herself in a room with a huge door closed to receive high dose radiation. She has handle bars to steady herself and something to lean against. It is not a fun experience. Each dose makes her more tired. Two times a day. She has had 4 doses. Compared to Mary-Elizabeth, Elise is being run over by a freight train twice a day.

This is the part that is so hard. There is nothing that anyone can do to make it go away. Then only thing that can be done is to try and make it easier. So my plan for the day is to think some extra thoughts about good things. Light a few candles and say extra prayers about everything.

I think I have had a constant conversation going in my head for a while now. I am still in child mode. Part of me thinks I need to let God know what would work for me. My Santa list. World peace, health for M-E. Less Rain, More Rain. More time in the day, more sleep, quiet dogs, good neighbors, cooperative clients, you get the picture. I have learned over the last couple of years more productive conversations revolve around understanding and wisdom and acceptance. Maybe the real discussion should revolve around trust. Trust in good results, trust in acceptance of bad results. Trust that what ever happens will be handled.

I have candles lit but I think I have to make my own coffee, It could be worse, there could be no coffee..