On the way back from New York. He was coming here for Christmas. He was from Southern California.
He had lived in Seattle for a number of years. He owns a company, lives in Berlin and while at the University of Washington came down with Lymphoma. While he could have been treated at Children's he was at the University and when the big merger happened under the SCCA.
When he asked why Mary-E did not have a Port, I knew he was one of us or had someone in his life that was from Cancer World. We had a very long talk. I was most interested in how his life was now. What he had experiences over the past few years. You know I asked him a million questions.
Brad told me it took him almost 5 years to really feel good again. He counted each and every day a good one when he woke up and had energy. He has crafted a life for himself that works. He travels a lot. He spent time with friends and family and lived in a place he fell in love with, Berlin.
I don't know if I let him know how much our visit lifted my spirits. We spend so much time in Cancer World managing a the crisis d'jour that it is hard to see 5 years down the road, let alone 10.
I know Mary-E was almost 5 years out when she relapsed so we should have been pretty darn happy. But you, know, she never felt like survivor. She always hated that word and relapse was the word that cast the biggest shadow.
Thanks Mr. Brad.
"Teresa
has been given a cup of tea in the front hall of New Waterford General Hospital.
The head nursing sister was the first to come across her. If it had been that
nice young intern from away, the hysterical woman would have been given a shot
in the vein instead of a cup of tea. The head nurse, however, has noticed
whether they drink the tea or not, the mere act of reaching out to receive
something that must not be spilled seems to have a profoundly calming effect on
all but the downright insane." Fall on Your Knees by Ann-Marie Macdonald
A child will a very aggressive and very rare, 300 a year,lymphoma is dying. We saw her less than two weeks ago and she was going to have a bone marrow transplant and life was good. Now she is saying goodbye.
The news took my breath away. We were at Children's for our first "after SCCA" appointment. It had not gone as planned so I was a bit Grumpy. I saw Ruby's aunt and received the news.
My mind immediately went into overdrive and I was simply stymied. What do we do for the parents of dying children? Do leave them alone to grieve and spend the last few days with the most precious thing in their lives? Do we go visit? Do we give them gift cards? Do we do their laundry? Do we take them food? Do we do something? Do we do nothing?
I called my sister Belle. I asked. Her answer was "There is nothing you can do". Most people flee. Most don't know what to do or what to say. They simply flee. We know what to do after someone dies but as a culture we certainly lack the "before" part.
Okay that was helpful..... NOT. So I remembered a post I did a long time ago. I don't remember the book but I remember the quote. So here is what I am going to do.
Anne Holm brought us three kinds of cookie dough. We had not used it yet so last night Mary-E made all the cookies. I am going to put them in a basket with some good china cups, some tea and take it to Kate. The nurses have instant hot water and so when people come, they will be able to give people some tea.
Something to not spill as the tears do. A little something from a Mom who has been too close to the same situation, more than once.
