Mary-Elizabeth has become a great writer.

In my life time I have been through cancer twice and spent 10 year dealing with it and its effects, but I am still standing here. I am lucky. I call the time spent dealing with cancer as being in  Cancer World. Unfortunately, ever day new people are thrown into this world, floundering trying to figure out what has happened. It is this reason that my mother started a nonprofit called The Wishing Rock Project. This is a small, but growing group of people reaching out to families, at Seattle Children’s Hospital, whose child have been touched by cancer and whose families are struggling to survive being part of Cancer World. We create and deliver bags filled will essential and special items that might help as the new families begin their pain staking battle.  We found the items really helpful and while the collection is sort of weird on the surface, each item has a deep meaning.  

My mother has been delivering the bags, but I knew I should be the one delivering so that the parents can see that surviving is possible. Despite my knowing what was right, I was terrified because I wasn’t sure how seeing a child in the same position I was in just 2 and 3 years before was going to affect me or how many bad memories it would bring back.  I finally  summoned up the courage to deliver a bag to a family that had been in contact with Wishing Rock.  I arrived and introduced myself to the parents and the look of hope on their faces when they saw me will stay with me forever. I talked with the mother sharing my wisdom of what to expect and answering questions on how to deal with various situations that might arise. The healing power of Honey Nut Cheerio, Metro Mint Water and cheese cake can never be under estimated.   I also sat down with the 6 year old girl and told her despite how yucky she felt right now, things will be better. Showing this family that there is a light at the end of the darkness was the best feeling I have ever had. I learned I was strong enough to help others in the same situation I had been in and make their scary situation a little less scary. I now deliver bags when I am able and do not plan on stopping anytime soon.

Driving in the dark.

Our last night in Twin Falls, I had a dream we should stop in Yakima and see Amber and gang.  It all played out in the dream.  Goats, Allie, Sam and his crazy idea that pizza should not have pine nuts and goat cheese on it.  But then I knew we had smelled the barn and wanted to be home.  We were ready. 

I knew staying in Twin Falls would make the day longer.  A couple of hours longer.  I did not know how long or how far. 

I must say I was pretty impressed that we had driven all but 110 of that distance since leaving at 10:00 am.

Granted we did not leave Twin until about 11:30. 

Car needed to be washed, we needed gas, MEB needed boots. Cowboy boots and we knew we were headed back to the City.

  I need to see the Niagara of the West.  

 What more can I say.  We were avoiding the inevitable.  

I don't think I can express in words how fabtabulous the journey was. It was important to disconnect and really hit re-set for us.  It was necessary to reshape our relationship, our reality and to do so in the vastness of this country. We were rushed, but not really.  Whenever we stopped at a planned or unplanned destination, we were not rushed.  We did not leave before it was time. We stayed focused on the event.  We waited for things, we observed, we soaked it all in and only then moved on to the next thing.  

Cancer has given us the ability to focus on the NOW.  Not next week or the upcoming anything.  We are just able to be here, now. 

Time is a gift. A gift we often squander. A gift we waste with alacrity.  We are a fast, rushing people. We are too busy doing too many things at a time. We have lost our ability to just "be" with each other and connect.

While we didn't want to leave Twin Falls we knew what was waiting for us at home.  Dogs, people, gardens, job applications, on-line college courses, but more importantly our friends and family. 

We drove in the dark, we slept in our own beds. 

We are glad to be back and have created enough memories to push  Cancer Part Two... to a more manageable place in the memory banks.

Turkish News...

i'm not neutropenic anymore :) and the Mc test results: engraftment is %80-%90 okey..

 but i dont know that is that have to be %100 ? is %80 - %90 a good rate? i'm excited.. 

still have Bk virus :( and vomiting.. maybe when this problems end they let me go to home :)  it has been 2 months that i'm here..

So Guliany is the 4th person person in her country to have a double cord blood transplant.  She asks me these sort of questions and then I ask our docs and then they tell me and I tell her and then she tells her doctor. 

Sort of funny how that works.  Sort of amazing how the Internet works and what a great gift it has become. 

Good news from any part of the country is more then welcome.

Go Gonzaga and why are they not number 1?  Could someone please explain that to me.

  

I Sat By a Guy named Brad

On the way back from New York.  He was coming here for Christmas.  He was from Southern California.

He had lived in Seattle for a number of years.  He owns a company, lives in Berlin and while at the University of Washington came down with Lymphoma.  While he could have been treated at Children's  he was at the  University and when the big merger happened under the SCCA.  

When he asked why Mary-E did not have a Port, I knew he was one of us or had someone in his life that was from Cancer World.  We had a very long talk.  I was most interested in how his life was now.  What he had experiences over the past few years.  You know I asked him a million questions. 

Brad told me it took him almost 5 years to really feel good again. He counted each and every day a good one when he woke up and had energy.  He has crafted a life for himself that works.  He travels  a lot.  He spent time with friends and family and lived in a place he fell in love with, Berlin.  

I don't know if I let him know how much our visit lifted my spirits.  We spend so much time in Cancer World managing a the crisis d'jour that it is hard to see 5 years down the road, let alone 10.  

I know Mary-E was almost 5 years out when she relapsed so we should have been pretty darn happy.  But you, know, she never felt like survivor.  She always hated that word and relapse was the word that cast the biggest shadow.

Thanks Mr. Brad.