Mary-Elizabeth's Math Reflection for April

Ms. Marion, a great math teacher, requires the kids to write each month about math. Their projects, their grade, their struggles. She let M-E write about Venice.

As parents, we are supposed to respond. This is April's Reflection.


People tell you that Venice has no streets but you donÂ’t really believe it until you see it with your own eyes. It becomes more apparent when you see the FedEx, milk and McDonaldÂ’s delivery boats float down the canal. Then you completely understand that there are not roads just canals. Whitney and I have been there before, but only on a day trip when we went to Germany.

We went on a Make-a-Wish trip. This Make-a-Wish chapter has never done a wish to just Venice. For their first time, they did a great job.
They flew us from Seattle to Philadelphia to Frankfurt Germany and then to Venice. Where we took a boat to the actual city of Venice. We left Seattle at 6:30 a.m on the 24th and arrived in Venice on the 25th about 11:00 a.m. We got to the apartment around 2:00 p.m. because Ruth lost her luggage and it took a while to report the problem. Vickie, a friend of ours, met us in Venice and stayed with us at the apartment. She helped us stay awake until night time. By the time we did go to bed, we had stayed up for a total of 36 hours. We slept like logs that night.

The next days were filled with shopping and touring. We went to big and small churches. You could not go 5 muntues without running into a church. We went to the Academia and the Guggenheim to look at the different kinds of art work. The artist used many techniques including sand with acrylics. We all concluded that doing the sand piece messed up the brushes.

It would not be a trip to Italy without having gelato every day. The 5 of us have become very good at telling what gelato is very good and what isnÂ’t. Whitney and I even have our favorite gelato place. The guy that works there is very generous with the scoops. Also every day we would sit down for cappuccinos or something to drink when we would get tired. It was a great way to see the city and relax at the same time.

I rarely felt like a tourist. I only did when we got lost, which was not a lot. We considered ourselves half tourist since we lived in an apartment for 10 days and knew how everything worked. We loved to wander our way through cool alleys, over interesting bridges and of course shopped on the way.

One day when we were there, there was a protest. Instead of walking up and down the streets they were in boats holding picket signs, riding up the Grand Canal. The police in their boats were there as well making sure that people did not get out of hand. It was interesting seeing this side of the Venetians.

The whole trip when so fast that it felt like a dream, a really great dream. Venice was a place I did not have to worry about homework or any of the stressful things that happen in Seattle. It was fun to relax in our world and explore it. We laughed every day and enjoyed every moment of it. It felt good to be normal again and to share it with Whitney, Vickie, Ruth and my mom. The Venice trip was a trip of a lifetime and I am glad I picked it as my Wish.

MomÂ’s Response:
I remember the moment she picked Venice. It came from no where. It was out of the blue. She had a first wish all worked out. It was denied. Oprah does not do Wishes. She was asked for a second wish and she simply said " I want to go to Venice again and live like a real person. I want to take Ruth and Whitney"
We went, we saw, we did. It was so much fun to watch her enjoy experience. She loved the people, the place, the food, the shops, the things to find, the exploration. We were so relaxed and so able to leave the last couple of years behind. It gave us a place to be so far way from Seattle and so foreign that there were no memories of the bad times. Only a place to create good time memories.
What a gift this trip was. I have not way to explain how wonderful it was. It made us realize that there will be a life beyond Leukemia.

Things are not always what they seem

Sometimes I have obsessions. Sometimes they are reasonable, sometimes a bit crazy. My sister has suggested I can have some special medication for the problem.

I have been kwown to search the world for such things as duck head hooks and pieces to the Dicken's Village. I have gone as far as contact manufactures to obtain a certain piece of material for my quilts. The internet is not a good thing because it makes my searches easier in someways and harder in others.

Well this is my most current obsession. I love this seagull. He/She is a venetian seagull. We encountered him by the Hair Ball bridge. He was struggling in the water for his breakfast and being the sort of people were were we thought it was a fish. It became very apparent that the fish had 4 legs, a long hairless tail and would be known as a rat inmost languages.

We were so shocked that we did not get the best pictures of the swallowing but when I can I will put the picture of the one with the tail sticking out of it's mouth.

As you look here you only see the calm and now full Seagull. See things are not always as they seem. Just under the surface..........

Red Maples and Daffodiles and Clemitis

Smell triggers memories. Songs trigger memories. Images do the same. This time of year the Red Maples scream at me of long lost homes. For reasons that are unclear to me, I have a mother that planted red maple trees at every home we lived. ( This does not include the Washington D.C. aparment where the maintenance guys came and dug up the pansies that I had planted outside of our basement apartment.)

We had a red maple in Ogden Utah, Spirit Lake, Idaho, Dalton Garden (two) and Hayden. There was one in Michigan, California and finally back in Michigan. She loved them and she left them all over the country. She also planted bulbs. It is just what you do, no matter how long you intend to live somewhere you leave a bit of yourself behind. Someone will come along and enjoy them.

She loved the surpizes each spring that came from a dead looking ground. It is always so much fun to see what will emerge and greet you at any given time.

I have followed her example for years. I planted bulbs in Dietrich ( both places). I left trees I loved on Capital Hill and here my mark has been made. Lots of things emerge each year. Lots of things I forget about and are a joy each time they come back. Many things I am uncertain will return. It is great that they do so with such regularity.

Maybe that is why Mom planted all those red maples, to leave something of herself behind, something small but tangible. I have driven by the trees on occasion and they do make a statement.

She planted a giant sequoia and was amazed with how much it has grown. She pointed out that it would have to come out eventually but then many not.

8th Grade Graduation

They are done with St. Joe's on June 7th. 8th Grade Graduation. 9 years of school is over. It has gone so fast but then life does buzz bye for the unwary. I have always tried to savor each and every moment. To try and not think too far ahead. It does not always work but it is something I try to do. We all need something to look forward to but it we don't want the future to be the focus. Don't the girls look great? They are both very special people. St. Joe's will miss them. I am luck they are still in my life on a daily basis.

Mothers Day

I AM SO GLAD THAT I AM STILL A MOTHER

Doors

These folks do not shop at Home Depot. I asked Whitney how old she thought some of these were and she guessed 30=50 years. I let her know I thought it was more like 300- 500. I may be wrong.

Sharing Some Stories

This is the Hair Ball Bridge. We named with what ever seemed appropriate. This is the first Bridge we crossed on the way from our Vaparetto stop to the apartment. M-E lovingly glazed into the canal and saw a hairball. She squealed ooooooooh and then we moved on. 459 or so bridges to explore and name. I never did find Ponte de Teta....

The walls are covered with lots of little shrines. This was stuck in an alcove. They were so sweet and it was such a drag that no one would let me chisel them off the wall. I guess I would go to hell and that would defeat the purpose.

Sunny Mornings

We had our share of Sun. Venice sits in a lagoon so there a lots of mornings that the moisture is in and then it burns off. Only once we really were wet and then it was Venetian Rain.

Off to work and to school today. Everyone seems to be back on schedule. The garden needs some attention this week-end so we will see how far that process gets. Bits of Venice are sitting everywhere in the house. Scrap books are being planned and projects are being listed. We will make use of our sunny mornings.

Coffee and Other thoughts

This is not Starbucks. Your are looking at hot chocolate and a little snack. We lost weight on this stuff. I guess it was the 5 miles a day we walked. I have been trying to duplicate the coffee. Mom pointed out that instead of bringing home a bunch of Crap...... I should have loaded the suitcase with coffee.

Our first couple of days we did not have enough "coffee and snacks" There are not nearly enougth pictures of us sitting and drinking. We learned by the last few days we were there. I learned a good capachino and a snack can be consumed around 5 ish and still sleep is possible.

We did run into Starbucks on the way back through Frankfurt but were not really in the mood. I can report that it was crowded.

Time to clean up the kitchen and get the coffee pot I did buy ready for the A.M. When I bought it the lady told me it was a four cup pot. I laughed and let her know that it might be a four Italian cups but was most certainly only one American cup.

I thought I would quit Looking When We Returned

Before we gazed with longing for things to come. Now I look to just check in on the living room of Europe. To see if the bell tower is done yet (covered with the white cloth). To see if the band in playing ( under the canopy by the chairs) To see how the pigeons are doing. It is all very much a fun peak.

Each day is better with the time. Each day we settle back in and know that we had a great time. Each day we have a secret smile of remembrance. When I first went to Europe in college, I figured it was my only time. Now I know that we just return in a different way. This time was very different than the last. The girls will return when they are in college and be those tired kids that have packs on their back and no money. It is sort of fun to remember and look forward to all of those types of trip.

Prednison is kicking in. If I kill M-E, please forgive me........ It seems to get worse every time. Surly, testy, B.......... Oh, bad Mom......

Oh my the picture is not the way it should be. I am not smart enought to fix it. Forgive me.

Coming Back to Reality

Not a bad place to be. Sometimes a bit difficult. We bonded very quickly with the Italian way of life. Cappaccino, bread that is worth getting to the soft inner parts. Subtle thinly sliced meats that are not overpowered by a layer of mayonnaise, fresh veggies and fruits. Not the variety but the quality was top notch. Whole foods is not a special grocery store, it is the market. Very little prepared food.

Oh, well we are back and this is our reality. Doctor's visits and work and school and homework. Coffee to fix in the A.M. Alarms to respond to on a daily basis. Grocery stores to visit that are 85% pre-packaged and lots of stuff that has been out of the ground or off the tree for a very long time.

Solution: keep looking. It is out there. Good Mortadello, good salami, good bread, good produce. We live in a town with great resources. A bit of ingenuity and the great stuff can be uncovered. My grandmother always said to eat what was in season. Apples are not in season, oranges are..... There is something to be said about that.

We had a great time during our Italy Season, now we are in a beautiful time in Seattle. I know better than to take anything for granted. I know I have to savor each and every day as it comes. I know that we can not count on tomorrow going well so each day should be considered a blessing.

It was so nice to go and to get away from our last couple of years of stuggles. Italy only had good memories. It was not tainted with doctors and hospitals and late night trips to the ER. Leukemia is so much a part of our Seattle world now. It leaks into all the nooks and crannies. I am sure as time goes on the memories of what has happened will fade away but that time has not come for us yet.

I think I am a bit rummy and will go take a nap.

Second 300 pictures

I love digital. It lets you go nuts. We are working on categories right now.

Windows and Doors
Bridges
Alleys
Animals
Gelato

I did sort of go door nuts but they are so wonderful. I have to figure out how to do the rest of the picture to Yahoo. I might be smart enough to put the whole file on the web another way. Like all things this is a learning process.

Certain amount of dread from M-E today. She bit off her fingernails last night. She has chemo and blood tests today. Always a bit of a worry.

Up at 3:00 , I am debating whether to try and go back to sleep.

The First 300 Pictures

God only knows if I will ever be able to figure out how to transfer the second half of the pictures. The ones that you will find are full of doors and alleys and birds and dogs and just stuff. I have not had a chance to go and turn everything so it is sort of like getting neck exercises.

A short version of our trip goes like this:

April 26: Arrived after being up 28 hours, decide the Water Taxi guy is too much so we take the regular transport. Find our place after hauling our bags over several bridges, find our person, settle in and decide we have to stay up. Off to find dinner and to wander a bit. Find dinner with a "turist" menu ( a big no no with the guide books) Order a great dinner. Did I mention that a Venetian specialty is liver and onions? Wander back, collapse into bed.

April 27: Up the next morning, girls and Vickie go to San Marco's to feed pigeons. Ruth's luggage is to be delivered ( total story to be told with the entry on the disasters of the trip). We wait all day for a no show. I go at the days end to find a church and light a candle. I find St. Alvise, our local Parrish. Little old lady tells me that you can not light candles during the day but when there is a mass, she will light them for me. My prayers are safe. Great dinner with little or no understanding of what we are ordering. We understood Tirimisu.

April 28: Try to go to Murano; "No Vaparetto" Es Protesto. So we head back into town and we find a garden, a few churches, try and are rejected by the Schuolo *sp* Ruth's Luggage has been found, she and Whitney return, we stay and go to the Fariri Church. We all agree Bellini is less depressed than Tintoretto. Off to find our way home. More good food.

April 29: We go to visit the Academia and the Peggy Guggenheim. Off to the other side of the canal and Dorsodoro. The Redeemptor church is also visited. Black Madonna, amazing space and feel. We head home, a challenge with full Vaporettos.

April 30: Vickie and I get up early and go to San Giomo for mass. Long trek a few missteps, rain in faces, lovely mass, attended mostly by tourists, trip up to the bell tower, feels like 2 degrees. Marvelouls views. Find Ruth and the girls, have dinner is a place recommended by Mr. Boyle from St. Joes. Sepia Pasta is great.

May 1st: Head to Murano and Burrano: Wonderful quiet day. We forget to eat until 4:00 p.m. We try to eat, they are too busy to feed us. Trip on the Vaparetto is fine, we have seats and Burrano is magical. We are amazed at the colored houses. We realize there are a million leaning towers in Italy. No need to go to Pisa.


May 2: Girls and I go to find Tintoretto's house. No clue so we take a picture, pronounce it the PLACE and move on. Madonna Del Oro, one needs a good dose of 13th century history before lunch. Off to the Lido and to ride along the outside of Venice. Land on the Lido, lunch with cars and the world's bicycles. We were so glad to visit but even happier that we did not stay there. Back to San Marco, more pigeon feeding, more shopping. Visit San Marco's, wonder more in the streets.
Home for a home cook meal, burned pizza, raw rissoto, great salad, and unknown zucchini stuffed with something.

May 3rd: Vickie to Verona, We take trip to cemetery Island,time at Florins ( only been in business since 1720) Served on a silver tray by guys in white coats. Expensive meal but worth the location, in San Marco's square. More pigeon's fed, off to see some more. Ruth and I to Mass.

May 4: Trip to Padua to see St. Anthony's tongue. (Tongue was closed for lunch). M-E and I head home, take the wrong train, hop on another end up back in Venice late. Go to apartment, change. Rest of gang shows up and Whitney and M-E and I head out in search of Gondola ride. None found, Stalking of gondolas begin. We have great ride and great success. Last dinner, last walk through the ghetto, last stroll on "our canal".

Home.
This entry will be edited and the proper spelling added at a better I hvae been up since 3:20. I have had coffee. I will come back to it, I am going to see if I can get the rest of the pictures loaded.

I was dead to the world by 7:00 last night. It will be interesting to see how the day goes.

Venice, a Special Place always.

What do I say. We are back, we are healthy, we are rested but exhausted. We are Jet Lagged, we are in shock of re-entry.

In a nutshell, the trip was everything everyone expected and more. There are always the special unforeseen moments. The moments of confusion and moments of calm understanding. There are the moments of excitement and the moments of pure joy. There are the moments of fun and moments of sadness. There are the moments of anticipation of 10 days of time and the realization that the time is coming to an end.

More will be posted. I will get all the photo's uploaded to Yahoo and you can pursue at your leisure. We are savoring the last few days time away from reality.

We made a wish and more than our wishes came true.

We are Off

This a link to the other Web Cam. Keep looking. You might see us. Don't fret, if I can post I will. We will be taking pictures like crazy. Thanks for all your good thoughts and prayers that have helped us arrive at this spot in our lives.

Venice, Here we come, ready or not...........................

Less than 24 Hours to Go

We leave Seattle at 6:30 a.m It is 2:30 pm in Venice. We arrive in Venice at 10:oo am on the 26th. We are getting more and more excited. Mom said I had to unpack 1/2 of the stuff I packed, Including the 9 maps and the 7 guide books. Here is the real irony. I need to find a book to read for me. Oh, well I am sure I will come up with it. I am sure it is here somewhere.

M-E has a big presentation today and then a spelling test and then...... We will be on that plane and life will be grand as we head to the Grand Canal.

The link is to the Canal........

Thoughts on the Passion Play.

I was only one of many 8th grade parents that dreaded but looked forward to the Passion Play. It was the first real moment when we realized that our St. Joseph's experience was winding down.

As every parent knows, being part of St. Josephs requires the heart and endurance of a Tri-Athlete (like Ms. Marion). You a have to be on top of things, ready for another flyer and request for more of your time, creativity and money at any moment. It is a pattern that becomes very familiar after awhile. You learn to line up the Jog-a-thon donators, the paper buyers, and the script consumers. You learn to put the E of E on your schedule along with First Communion and Grandparent's Tea. You smile when you see the kids in their Teddy Bear costumes or the 8th graders in their robes.

Watching the Passion Play was one of those special St Joe's moments. Most of us have seen the play many many times but Sunday the 9th was different. They were our kids. They were the boys that never could keep their fingers out of their noses, the girls that had their feelings hurt, the kids we all love. The kids that won and lost soccer games, volley ball games and track meets. They are "our kids", the ones that have been described as " Difficult". "High Spirited", "A Challenge"

But when they walked into the church, in brown robes, barefooted and chanting they took a step toward a bigger part of their lives and made us both proud and cry. I want them to know that they touched the hearts of more than parents and teachers. I was sitting with Whitney's little brother Parker,grade 2. He was watching in his own kinetic way. He was tuned in enough to know that the story he was watching was that one told by the Stations of the Cross mosaics we have in the church. He was trying to follow the story on the walls and watch the play. Parker was very curious about the Crucifixion. He asked how Jesus died, how long it took, why that would kill someone and why they put a sponge in his mouth.(He does not miss much.) We quietly discussed the physiological causes of death but I gently pointed out that Jesus only had to be on the cross for 3 hours. I explained that it took some people days to die.

Parker was upset that Jesus left the church dead. Hesaid, "He comes backs to life doesn't he!" I assured him he did but that we had to wait three days. He pointed out that the stations and the play both end with the death. I did not have the presence of mind to point out that the rest of the church points up to the life that was resurrected.

Thanks 8th graders. I am sure that Parker and I would never have had that moment. Thanks Ms. Marion and Mr.Savauge and Mr. Boyle and everyone else that worked and worked and prayed and hoped for a good result. It has been a challenge but it has been worth it.

Trip Preparation continues.

It is different this time. We have been here for so long and not been able to leave town for any meanful amount of time that it seems unreal. I have none of the pre-trip anxiety at either work or getting the house ready. I will clear out the fridge, make sure the cat has enough food. Sadie goes to Mom and Dad's tomorrow. I know what I am taking and have the suit case. The mail will be held. My neighbor will pick up the paper. He will take out the garbage. The house will be clean when we return. The neighbor's will be watching the place. Everyone knows I am leaving. The focus is shifting to simply enjoying this time away.

The fact is we made it here and we will strive to make it beyond here. I had dinner with Tracy Henze and she and I discussed my unending fears about remission. She remained me that we had and would do everything to keep this thing from coming back but that in life there are no guarantees.

This I will guarantee. We will be in Venice right now a week from now. I will be stalking Venetians and asked forgiveness in 153 churches. We will be looking for a small establishment for which to have snacks and drinks before more stalking. I am determined to have the group invited for dinner in a palazzo or two. Because remember, I know where they live, I have the maps. Did I mention we are going to try and see Pride and Prejudice. I found the entertainment section of the Venice newspaper.

Oh, Favorite line from THANK YOU FOR SMOKING : This is the greatest country on the face of the earth because of its endless appeal process.............

Easter Thoughts and Preparations

Mary-Elizabeth and Whitney are with my parents. Dumped them at the train and off they went. M-E had to take her higher dose of Methotrexate and her mother failed to send any Zofran. I guess this was a good way to practice for our trip. Note to self. Pack all the drugs.

We are planning to build good memories. Despite all my endless hours of research I think we will spend a good deal of time taking a vaporetto to a stop, getting off and see what we find.

Easter, the day of celebration after long days of deep contemplation. Make a Wish trip. 10 days of no cares after 21 months of deep concern and contemplation.

Fine Restaurants.

This is were we are eating at some point in our trip. It is simply a requirement.

We Will be On our Way a Week from right NOW

It has come to my attention that I am more excited about the Venice Trip than Mary-Elizabeth. I would prefer to just consider myself, more educated and prepared. I have had an extra 6 months to think about it. So let's see I have watched

On the Wings of the Dove, Casanova, Two versions of the Merchant of Venice, 2 versions of Death in Venice, Venice/Venice, Summertime, and several travel shows. I have read, City of Falling Angles, two mysteries by Donna Leon (set in Venice) In the company of the Courtesan, Venetian Affair, Water Mirror, Thief Lord and several I can not remember. I have read every travel book on the subject and have webcams as part of my favorites. I have located all 153+ churches and the best fabric/paper/book store. I am going to bring home, I hope, a Ferro. The front piece of a gondola for the garden. I am looking for a book called Ponte d Ponte, about all 435 bridges in Venice. I might try and find the author, he lives there. So.......... I have read every article in the last three years on how do do Venice right. I have made up a song to help remember all the Doges................................

Hummmmmm

Ode 1.9 To Thaliarchus by Homer 6 BC

See Mount Soracte shining in the snow.
See how the laboring overladen trees
Can scarcely bear their burdens any longer.

See how the streams are frozen into the cold.
Bring in the wood and light the fire and open
The fourth-year vintage wine in the Sabine jars.

Oh, Thaliarchus, as for everything else,
Forget tomorrow. Leave it up to the gods.
Once the gods have decided, the winds at sea

Will quiet down, and the sea will quiet down,
And those cypresses and old ash tree will shake
In the storm no longer. Take everything as it comes.

Put down in your books as profit every new day
That Fortune allows you to have. While you're still young,
And while morose old age is far away,

There's love, there are parties, there's dancing and there's music,
There are young people out in the city squares together
As evening comes on, there are whispers of lovers, there's laughter.

Who knew Homer still had some wisdom to share. I have been reading more poetry outloud to M-E she has the soul of a poet. She hates to write long things so this is a great form for her.

She and Whitney headed on the train to Eugene. They have arrived and are in bed already. We will be leaving a week from tomorrow. Excitment builds.

Make A Wish

I love these people. They do make wishes come true in lots of different sizes. We had our send off party on the 13th. We met at Red Robin and were greeted by "RED" a bevy of balloons and a very accommodating staff. We were joined by Tara and Keith our volunteers.
They had our tickets and itinerary. They had buttons, books, handy travel things. But most of all they were excited for us.

These are such dedicated people. They live their lives in a very special way. Tara works for World Vision and is going with a group to Honduras to build houses. She is taking a group of their child sponsors to meet the children they sponsor. Keith is working on not working while handling 4 or more Wish kids a months. He has a whole network of company's that help him. Skyway luggage will help any family. I believe that Rick Steves is the source of the books and travel accessories we received. Red Robin gave us a great meal.

I was impressed with how much they give of themselves. Their time and their enthusiasm. All they ask for is a report and our pictures.

I am now at the packing my bags in my head phase. I may start this week-end.........

It's Three in the Morning in San Marco's and their are puddles

If there are floods, it should be as the full moon approached. April 13th. It is close. We shall see. I love this web cam because it has the best shot of where the water should be. Keep an eye.

Peaking into Other People's Battles with Childhood Cancer

As a friend comes home from Iraq and everyone prepares to greet him, I am reminded of the World War II soldiers that would just never really talk about their experiences. They would not delve into those painful and sometimes unthinkable things they had seen. We will never really know what it was like to be on the beach at Normandy or behind enemy lines. We will never understand the horrors people found in the concentration camps. We can read about it and we can listen and we can empathizie but we can not know.

I have been looking for the blogs of others in my situation. Moms of kids, caregivers of kids. I have been gathering the stories and following the tales. It is interesting and sometimes scary to find a blog where a similar situation is developing or where the story ends. I don't quite know why I keep looking. I guess I need to see how others handle this situation.

There are several, Rose, she died on February 13, 2006. Her parents left the blogging world, leaving only her obituary and pictures of her "fancy car trip" There is Diane whose daughter also died about 6 weeks ago. She continues to struggle with her loss. She is in so much pain right now. Her husband also died sometime back of cancer. She has a son and a world of hurt swirling around her. There is mother, who calls herself lizard Eater (not a pretty name). Her daugher is 8 months old and had two tumors removed from her kidneys but post surgery things are looking up. There is Lise, a mom with Leukemia, they live around here. There is Kate, she is done with her treatment and has been ALL free for 5 years. All of it is mindboggling and very worrisome.

Reading their stories give me a glimpse of the despair other's have as well as that feeling of helplessness. It is so hard to know what to do for anyone that lives so far away but to know so intimately their pain. The link will take you to a blog. She is a good writer. She will make a great minister someday.

Success comes in lots of Forms

Yesterday was M-E's last volley ball game. Her team was late in arriving from St. Joe's. They had to forfeit the first game and had to win both in order to make it to the playoffs. Both games were very tough. M-E stepped up and did a great job. She made several points and was starting to show glimmers of her old self.

Ms. Marion was very upset that the girls were late. I grabbed her by the shoulders and reminded her that is was just a game and that things worked out. Well they did.

She has also been fretting about the amount she set for her goal for the Lymphoma and Leukemia run in June. She had enough to participate ($3500) but has set a goal of $10,000.00. She just received a very large donation (750-1000) from some one she did not know. She thought it might be from some of the readers of this blog.

Thanks to whomever donated the money. It makes M-E feel great, it makes Ms. Marion go into the water less reluctantly, it make the Boyles and myself smile.

Lots of good things happen from strange and places. Thanks to everyone.

Now we are worried about the Passion Play this afternoon. First performance 5:30 St. Joes.

If you Make it Pink, No will notice anything else.

No one notices the cut off legs, or the irregular edge or the imprefect flowers. that is the Magic of PinK.

I think we are really going!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have read about, talked about, mentally planned for it, looked at it (It was beautiful this morning) Lots of people in San Marco's, lots of boat on the canal, lots of activity. I am beginning to believe we are going to make it.

Six months had made such a difference. I went to M-E's volley ball game. Her serve is steady, she had some good hits. They lots but then someone has to do so. She has a solo in the Passion Plan at school the trip homework is going to be manageable.

For History:
Teacher: Just have fun, learn, know that you will have a special understanding.
Mom: I will make sure they: memorize all the doses, identify and find each item in Venice that was stolen and determine it's place of origin.
Math: Just go and have a good time.
Science: I suggested we bring back some Canal Water. Mr. Newman sent home 13 collection vial's. Can you see us getting stopped at customs with toxic waste
Religion: We will be lighting a candle in all 152 churches.
Art: See all masterpieces.
English: Finish reading. Keep a journal.
Spanish: See if the Italians know it.

We are going to Venice. I am getting so excited. Now if I could just come up with a few converters? Does anyone have one I could borrow for a couple of weeks?

I Hate When I Worry

Night time is supposed to be a time of sleep. Sleep is the great escape, until the dreams come. The mixed up dreams of people from long ago. The intermingling of the old with the new. The wanderings back to old houses. They are familiar but not the same. Snow, old cars, some shiny some rotting. Waiting for permits to remove them??????? Maybe I have been a lawyer too long. Old doctors and old houses. Trying to get a project done and not being able to do so. I don't know. The bed is totally mixed up, Sadie growled all night at me when I moved.

I have been back on the Web, looking for other parents with similar situations. Bad Sally. Bad Bad Bad.

As we progress through maintenance I have more time on my hands to review and re-discover that lost year. I have been editing the blog to remind myself of what happened to pass it off the first few months to a family in the midst of the process. I realize that what we needed was a guide. A resource parent that could be on our journey with us. This realization came from a young lady named Christine that is now spending time with M-E. She had ALL when she was 6. She is working on hooking up survivors with newly diagnosed kids. She made me realize that that was what we needed. I have spoken to another mother who wants to be involved.

Maybe that will help with the worry.

Healing Ceremony News

Well we are going to Chinle. Today's link is to the Hotel Site. There are three hotels. Mostly nice and accommodating. If you don't want to travel with your dog, you can pick out a rez dog from the parking lot. There are lots to go around.

So here is the deal:

The ceremony begins on Friday A.M.with the untimely death of a lamb. Then the making of the blood sausages. No one has to make or eat them. Just an event you might want to consider. I am sure you won't have this chance again. I am not sure what happens then but on Saturday we spend the day with the Medicine Man. Belle calls it a "Cultural Day" Time with him, explanations of how all this is going to work and what is going to be done and why. During this there is the preparation of big food. Big cooking for lots of people. Lots of tribe members, some friends, some strangers, lots of feasting. Then in the evening, we enter the Hogan for the actual event. It lasts a couple of hours.

As I mentioned before, Belle said we could not stand the three days in the Hogan. It would have killed the adults and defeated the purpose.

Everyone is invited. There is no way to fly to Chinle. Albaquequy or Phoenix with a drive via rental car is the only way. We are driving from Phoenix to Chinle on Thursday morning and back on Sunday. M-E and I are going to fly down on Wedneday and do some swimming. We are coming back on Monday. Trying to get a bit of rest.

Nightmares

I just awoke from a bad bad dream. It was June and we went to the clinic. We had our appointment and then were told that we would not have any ablility to contact anyone for a month. The fellows were rotating out and had one really bad case to work on that would take all their time and the new guys would not be in until July.

I could not believe that we would be abandoned like that and was upset, to say the least. Now the reality is that we don't go to the hospital more than once a month and very seldom speak to anyone but they are a very important part of our lives.

Well, I have a big project to finish today. Hemming robes for the 8th grade Passion Play. The first performance is at St. Joes on Sunday at 5:30 p.m. All the 8th graders are in it. M-E is hoping for a solo part. I will let you know.

Always Read the Manuel

I discovered that my camera takes little movies with sound. I don't know if I can put them here but let's see. I wonder what else it does.

No, it failed, but we had a great time in Portland. I put a few of the other pictures here.

BLANKETS AND DAFFODIL'S

A couple of weeks ago I sent

Mary to the reservation. She was the focal point of a Navaho Ceremony. The Medicine Man Gerald King asked for a picture and something that represented Mary-Elizabeth. After weeks of negoting, Mary-Elizabeth was able to have Mary make the trip.

There was a 3 hour ceremony with the Medicine Man and a small group of tribe members. They, sang and chanted and meditated. Belle reports that the songs were very beautiful and every now and then they would insert M-E's name. Mary was dusted with sacred corn pollen (Navaho holy water) and smoke was blown on her. (When she arrived back she smelled like beef jerky, Navaho incense)

Some money was given, a beautiful Chief Joseph Pendleton Blanket was given. A deeper understanding of the culture was received. Belle also nixed the three day ceremony. She determined that 72 hours on the floor of a hogan would kill us.

Belle did not have anything for the other participants. I wanted to send something that was special. Something that would make a statement. Wine, no it is a dry reservation. More blankets, we will need those for the longer ceremony the week-end of July 22. Salmon, no. Then I was buying some daffodil's for the office and I had an idea.

My late Uncle Jack used to send us boxes of daffodils from Puyallup. He sent them to my Grandmother and to us. I had a mission. I was able to get a hold of my cousins and they headed me in the right direction.

My great friend and florist at R. David Adams , Bud. I am not kidding, that is his name, was able to send a box of 25 bunches over night. It took two days. They went out on Monday and arrived on Wednesday.

Belle opened the box at the post office. Dan the post master always shares in the wealth that arrives for Belle. A few potatoes, a new video, a pair of socks, or a shiny rock. Belle passed out the daffodil's to everyone. The secretary, the Medicine man, the staff, all the people that participated, friends. Bits of yellow were scattered around the reservation.

The lack of understanding about cut flowers was mindboggling.We take flowers for granted. I never will again. One women asked if they should be put in the ground. Another asked if they should stay wrapped. One person put them in the window to make them bloom.

Everyone knew they were special, everyone recognized their value, Everyone knew they needed care. Everyone took them home and put them in a place of honor.

Mary brought daffodils to the reservation. I think she approves.

I am sending bulbs this fall.

Barbie Cake Anxiety

Isabel turns 4 today. When asked what she wants, the answer if CAKE. Not just once, but each time. So we are making a Barbie cake. I had made one for M-E and still had the skirt shaped pan.
5:50 A.M.

I was up early because our ever viligent watch dog was also up. She mentioned several times last night that the raccoon was visiting.(Another Story). The cake is in the oven. The only apparent problem right now is having something long enough to check if it is done. I don't have a natural broom but I will punt. Next step is to ease it out of the pan. I have another mix if this fails.

7:03 A. M. We have the cake, out of the pan.................Yeah.

10:00 A.M. Leave for the "OH my God have you ever seen so much stuff to make cakes with store". It is the home of all known colors, cake pans and cake toppers. I did not check to see if they had any for the alternate life style weddings. Anyway. We purchased a color called Electric Pink. Is is truly shocking.

11:15 A. M. Dog dropped off, coffee and great pastry purchased, no Skipper. When did they quit making Skipper? There is a new Ken looking doll but I don't think this new one would look good in a Skirt especially one that is Electric pink ( Old Ken Maybe) Well we settled for Theresa, she is a brown haired Barbie. So Home. Well Guess what, Barbie is too big. Her legs won't tear off , can you imagine. And so Must Amputate. Did you know Barbie's legs are sold. They snap nicely when scored with a saw. So Doll in Cake, Decorating begins. Needless to say, there is sticky stuff all over the house. The results are just amazing. I am not sure if anyone can eat this much pink and purple and live to tell about it but we will let you know.

The Venetian Affair

So it took me a while to stumble on this book. Finding books is sort of like working through a maze. You are always on the look out but sometimes the clues to good books or the direction sends you down another path. This book seems like an obvious candidate for my Pre-Venice reading but it is so so good. A great love story written by the lovers themselves from letters gathered from many parts the world. It is not really complete though because many of the letters of Andrea and Guistianna Wynn are still missing but there is hope they are in an attic somewhere.

Very interesting to read from such private letters during a time we think of as stuffy. Guistianna becomes a writer and this passage from one of her books was interesting. I thought as I read it that I am glad we live now. It must have been awful to think your life was done at 23.




Laugh heartily, charming and innocent youth! The age of smiling will soon be upon you. That will be followed in turn by the years of the expertly contrived smile: an air of peace and serenity will often hide the truly agitated state of your soul. And in your old age, when the book of passions is over, it will be too late even to smile. Your face will have lost all of that soft elasticity that allowed your expressions to change with so much ease. The Scissor of Time will have deepened those furrows drawn by the passions of your life: they will have become wrinkles that will never be erased. So what purpose could an awkward smile possibly have? It would only suggest ridiculous claims. An air of thoughtfulness and kindness will be all you really need. That is the natural order of things in the revolution that takes place on the face of a woman.
Guistiana Wynn 1786

Trying to Figure Out Life

Someone came to me with a big problem. Lots of bad decisions leading to a bad result. It is so hard not being able to always be able to help others. I take on too much sometimes and then I feel defeated by life. I have to let it go. Mom always says that certain things have to be our of our WORRY ZONE. I wish I had a better grasp on where the

WORRY ZONE

was located.

I think to make matters worse, there seems to be changing and moving lines to the ZONE. I believe the ZONE is not a place but rather a rapidly moving amoebae. Not only does it have not healthy and well defined boundaries but it also the ability to cut part of itself off and stay behind and then rejoin the main body. Sort of like the organic, cold pressed, first run, virgin, free range, no BST olive oil in the pasta pot. Little blobs head off on their own and come back at will.

Having a child with Lhokemia creates lots of little side blobs. Sometimes you notice them, other times you don't. They are there and attract attention when least expected.

Is she tired because she is watching to many episodes of Friends or is it her Liver? Are her little bruises really from Volley Ball or are they a sign of relapse? Why are so many kids at St. Joe's coughing? Did influenza A really mutate into another form that she can catch? Will her numbers be good enough to really go to Venice? Who keeps messing up my house? When will NCIS come out on DVD? Where are my good hand clippers? Who will win the NCAA Pool? .....................

AnnaBelle Handbags.

Here are the new ones. My great orange one is on it's way back to have it's handles repaired.
Don't you just love local businesses that make good......

Miss Marion is 25% of the way to her Goal

Thanks to everyone that sent money to Ms. Marion. She asks Mary-Elizabeth if she knows Vickie, Mime, Clair........ It makes M-E smile.

The Volleyball team won both times this week-end. M-E played and has a dynamite serve. Two games this week-end. Volleyball was a good way to get M-E headed back to normal.

Something New Every Day

We have a park around the corner that the whole neighborhood came together and built. It took a few years but it is now finished. It is a nice neighborhood spot. M-E was able to be involved in several aspects of the project. She was so sick when they did the tiles that she does not remember which one is hers but knows it is there. We have some money left over and Carol (the person that probably did the most work) wants a peace pole.

She sent out the site and it is the link of the moment. I think it is something anyone could do and is a wonderful idea. We may have to make one for our yard. These might be a great thing for lots of people.

The summer is coming together. M-E is going to camp with the girls ( we hope Laura can come). She and Whitney are going to Camp Good Times in Post Falls Idaho, I am taking the girls to Walla Walla for the Bar Convention. I am sure they will have a good time with the other kids. And I have to set the date for the Beauty Way ceremony. As soon as it is set, I will let everyone know. I like that ceremony has been translated to Beauty.

Dinner and a Movie

A little Italian a cheezie movie with funny moments (Failure to Launch) some great conversation with Maggie and Dr. Tracy. I even slept in this morning. That was a great feeling.

Here are some spring moments. We must grab them when we can.

Mary Has Been to Chinle

About a week ago I boxed up Mary and sent her to the Medicine Man in Chinle. She was part of a three hours Protection Way ( Ceremony) Her various notes were examined and read. Her amulets examined and she was blessed with special smoke and dusted with sacred Pollen. Chants and Songs were conducted and the Medicine Man will do a Blessing Way ( Three day) ceremony this summer. M-E's picture has been attached and Mary is on her way home.

Merchant of Venice

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I had seen the Merchant of Venice. I am watching all movies made in Venice, about Venice, all books about Venice, written by Venitians, you get the picture. I am Venice, but back to my point.

There was a monologue by Shylock ( The money lender). He is asked why he wants a pound of flesh if Antonio does not make good on his loan. I was not as much amazed by the speech but more about the writer. To think that this was written in the 16th century is pretty remarkable. We have struggled for centuries with the ever present issues of prejudice and intolerance. Maybe we need to give ourselves a break when instant progress is not made and try harders. Maybe I should not be so critical of George Bush.......NOT. So addressing the issue of intolerance:


Salerio: Why, I am sure if he forfeit thou wilt not take his flesh. What's that good for?

Shylock:

To bait fish withal. If it will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge.

He hath disgraced me and hind'red me half a million,

laughted at my losses, mocked at my gains, scorned my nation,

thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies- and

what's his reason.

I AM A JEW.

Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? --fed with same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same disease, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as a Christian is?

If you prick us, do we not bleed?
If you tickle us, do we not laugh?
If you poison us, do we not die?

And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resembled you in that.

If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong of Jew, what should his sufferance be but by a Christian example?

Why revenge! The villainy you teach me I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better than my instruction.

The world is truly coming to an end.

Jessica Simpson is in Washington D.C. and is lobbying for a charity and this is News.

My NCAA bracket is still number one after day One. ( Could it be that my dad filled it out?)

Belle has been made Chief of Psychiatry in Chinle.

Archbishops all over America have had to give out dispensation so the Irish can eat meat.

I am thinking about doing all my Laundry this week-end.

Prenisone is making both M-E and me crazy. ( That is not earth shattering).

Beware the Ides of March

I was on the computer last night and M-E picked up Julius Cesar and started to read it. She found the language to be a bit difficult at first but then it began to flow a bit better. She did not get very far but I think these kids could benefit from some Shakespeare.

Each month has an "Ides". It is the 15th. I guess our mantra is "Beware the 13th of August". We all have such days. They are the days that certain life changing events occurred. As our "Ides" slips by each month I say an extra prayer. I don't ever want to ignore that date. I don't want to be silly enough to assume that there will not be more of them in the future. Days where the news alters reality forever. I don't want to slip back into the complacency that gives us all an unending future.

It is always a struggle to know that we must plan and prepare for the future but then know that there might not be a future but then need to prepare for the future. Hummmmm maybe that is a problem I can not solve.

I found a Venetian Mirror

It was only 4900.00. I have decided that it should not be in my Venetian Room. I have been looking at the sort of things we might find in Venice. I guess it goes without saying that the irony that all of the very fine things in
Venice are fragile and beautiful and elusive. I think that says it all about M-E's current state of remission. It is a thing of beauty but one bad throw by a luggage handler and it is shattered. It has to be protected and wrapped carefully and placed on a special shelf. The problem is that if it does not see the light of day and have some sunshine hit its surfaces, the world never sees the beauty that it holds.

I guess it is better to enjoy while we can and not lock it up.

Thoughts and worries

"Daylight will peep through a very small hole."

I found that saying today and I should have tatooed it on my forearm in preparation for a test. Each time I think we are out of the fog and heading to clear skys and warm days, a hook comes a pulls me back around to the world of confusion and concern and worry.

I guess the day started with Dana Reves dying. What is that poor 13 year old boy going to do, both parents dead in less than a year? Then I trot down, (trot might be a bit overstating it) to the Make-A-Wish office. Great place. Happy people, lots of fun things to look at on the walls, lots of new toys to give to the children. I dropped off a quilt for their auction this week-end. If they raise a bit of money I won't worry about the cost of M-E's wish. I saw the pictures and realized that I knew some of the kids and some had since died.

See, in my tiny little mind if we made it to the "Wish" we would be home free. We would be able to sail on past any other scary or tricky stuff with great aplomb. My worries would be over. I am so silly some times. It just yanked me into dispair so fast. She looks great, there are not many bumps in the road but the big
R

is alive an living over my head.

I need to find some happy pills. It will be alright in the morning. I always wakeup on the positive side of the bed but sometimes the other side is so so scary.

Progress

M-E is registered at Holy Names. Big steps. Some decisions. I have become an over protective parent. Proud of my daughter's accomplishments but cognizant of the issues she still has to deal with, one being pressure. They had her ready to go to both Honors English and Honor Algerbra. I would have been tickled pink about that two years ago. She has worked so hard and done so well but she has another calendar year left of treatment if we are lucky. As much as it feels like it is over, it is not, yet.

We are adding some things back in slowly bit by bit. I said no to the Honors English for this next year at least and yes to the Algerbra. Once she gets settled in school she can take on more challenges.

She will be taking Spanish for real for the first time and all the other, World Cultures, Biology etc. It will be a full and busy year. She is already worried about the home work.

I reminded her that she should take care of today. Maybe it seemed like too much when she had to think about some major projects due for this month in 8th grade. She agreed.

Cook Books

I love them. I buy them. I read them. I pack them up. I never use them. I have discovered they can be useful. I will be needing them these next 40 days.

I gave up take-out and fast food for Lent. I am going to cook. I am going to take that next step back to real life. I know how, I kind of excel in fact. I guess I have to just do it. It did occur to me that I don't need to make up a new recipe every time I cook dinner. I could follow one for once. What a concept.

I find that the hardest part of the cooking thing is deciding what to have. So I have decided. Tonight we are having Pecan Crusted Chicken, asparagus and baked Sweet Potatoes or Garnet Yams. I think I can pull dinner together without going to the store. I just love that.

I might actually look in the cook books and do some planning. What a novel idea! Maybe I could bring some order to my kitchen. Oh, maybe I need to go find a new cookbook and buy a new stove and maybe go to
Whole Foods for new spices and find one of those terracotta cookers with a cone and a hole in the top. I need my knives shapened and a new apron and perhaps a blender............... See maybe giving up take-out and fast food was not such a grand idea.

Leukemia, Leukemia, Leukemia

Yes I do know how to spell it. I have been working on the blog. Boy, can I tell when I did not have a spell checker.

I had a bit of a scare today with the L word. M-E showed me her fore arms and they were covered with little bruises. Peticii (SP) like. Those are very very bad juju in the Lookemia world. You never ever, ever, never,ever want to see those. While I was waiting to talk with the nurse, I printed a months worth of early blogs. I am going to finish editing the hundreds of pages ( double spaced and 14 point type) and see if anyone but those near and dear to me want to read it.

I began to spell check on month and it picked up lots of mistakes and other anomalies but each and every time, no matter how I spelled Luekemia. It picked it up and spelled it correctly. Now this is a spell checker that had to taught the word BLOG. Go figure.

Back to the Blog..... I am so glad that I wrote when I did. I don't remember half of the words on those pages. It is like once I put it on paper, it was released.

Well time to walk the dog and try and help M-E up the stairs. She had her first Volley Ball practice and her quads are not happy with her.

Projects Come to Completion

Here is the project the kids did. It is coming to a bus shelter near you. Each child is holding the project they worked on.

Hope is The Thing with Feathers

Ms Willett has been working on Poetry with the 8th graders. I remember those painful painful classes as a teacher. I had learned to love poetry from such a teacher and but getting past that resistance is a challenge. I always find it ironic that children who raised with lots and lots of nusery rhymes, rhyming music/jinggles and play ground chants are so afraid of poetry when they face it on the written paper. It scares them for some reason. I have no fear that Ms. Willett is up for the challenge.

I loved that when M-E was working on the poetry, she was reading it outloud. It so needs to have voice and not remain in someone's mind. She was looking at some Emily Dickinson poems and I was helping her find some from the books we have at home and found one that I thought had a special message for me.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sing the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

As we travel through Lent and as Mary-Elizabeth continues to remain in remission, I am so greatful for the presence of hope.

Our Venetian Home

This is where we are staying in a couple of months. Yes we are excited. This is east of the train station in a very residential area of Venice. It is close to the Ghetto. I guess since I really bonded with Merchant of Venice it is only appropriate.

I am very excited about the laundry facilities. That is the best part.

This is becoming more and more real every day. We have made it to this trip.

All is quiet in Venice

With Ash Wednesday coming up. It might be interesting to watch the Venice Cam right now. Things should be hopping


Just click on the title and you will be swept away.

I just finished watching Merchant of Venice. Very interesting. How have I missed this play? How have I failed to hear the Shylock speech. As soon as I find a full copy, I will post it here. I will have to dig out my book of plays. I am also starting Bleak House. I guess we are doing a short course in the classics.

But they are classics for a reason.

Holy Names Won the Recruiting Wars

Click on the Title of this Blog and you will be taken to the Holy Names Web site. The video is really cool.................

We had a talk last night. My dad told her that it is
never good to settle for less but help other strive
for more.

I also pointed out that there were lots of
kids that had no choice and it was not fair to hold
two spots and in her heart she knew where she
belonged.

We filled out the paper work last night and will be at Holy Names on the 5th for registration.

She has always been a very introspective child. This
process was not easy for her. She felt that being
true to herself made her disloyal to people that she
loves.

When she went to bed she asked if there was
any going back and I told her the decision was made
and we move forward to make it the best decision ever.
I love that she is thoughtful.

She was pleased with her shirt that announced she was a member of the Class of 2010 and her call reminding her of the Ice Cream Social on Monday.

We were
already going to the Social on Monday.
Here we go. It won't be
easy for her because of everything that has happened
but she will thrive and grow and be such a wonderful
young women when she graduates.

We are iced in. No one is moving in our neighborhood. We are having a snow morning.

Now The School Thing is Getting Really Really Interesting

Okay now who do you believe. We sat down with the directory to see who was going where. It is obvious that Prep has a million spots and is the favorite. Most say they were accepted there. I think there are lots of wait listed hopefuls.

Now I did some checking and if you are wait listed that is a good thing. They think you are a good fit but they do not have space. I was figuring waitlisting was equivalent to
"Maybe you can have a pony" I learned that they only wait list those they are interested in having at school.

We have learned that the kids are less than the best reporters. I asked the kids for a report and from what they knew most of the class was headed to Prep. Now prep takes about 100 or so and 30 or more of them were from St. Joseph's. I was surpized to see some the future "Prepsters" at the Holy Names ice cream social. I asked one mom and she pointed out that it did not matter where her daughter thought she was going, tuition was only being paid to Holy Names.

So the slots are now getting released and the kids will be coming off the wait lists. I am not sure when they send out the next set of letters but it should be in a couple of weeks. Lots of people are waiting for the Lakeside, Bush U-Prep decisions. I guess this part of it still goes one.

M-E is still undecided. She has to think about it and worry about it and wonder a bit more.

Mom, I don't think the Leukemia has sunk in.

Where did that come from? I did not know what to say. Here we are in month a zillion. She has had 2.8 million doses of chemo and been poked a few thousand time. I have administered gallons of hydration and flushed more lines than toilets. I have counted out a few guthousand pills and put on enough emla cream for a face lift and ME is still wondering about the Leukemia. I guess I am not the only one in denial.

Maybe that is how we get through theses things. Our mind goes onto automatic and we simply do what needs to be done, near term. As I think about it, I should not be surprised. It has not been about the overall process but a treatment, by treatment mode. We have not discussed long term effects of the treatment or really long term prognosis. It has been very day to day. Little bites of the apple. Maybe after so much and so long and now that things are sort of quiet, she is starting to think about what it means to be a Cancer kid.

I guess on some level I am in the same boat. I don't think I have ever spelled Leukemia in this blog. I know in my mind I certainly don't like the Cancer title. She does not have Cancer she has Lukemia.

I too have focused on the moment. I have been afraid to consider a future. It took all of my courage to make reservations at Palisaides for this year. I have even thought it might be time to make reservations at Toyota's Sushi for the ITS FINALLY OVER party. We are so close to only having a year left.

I think this whole high school thing is starting a whole "looking toward the future" process. She is so so stressed. She is freaked. She is worried about all of her friends and how the final decisions are going to affect everyone's lives. She is worried about high school and all the new type of pressure. We all know she is ready but she is not so sure.

Maybe the title of this entry should be :I CANNOT BELIEVE SHE IS ALMOST READY FOR HIGHSCHOOL.

Message from a hurting Mother. ( Not Me)

I mentioned the other day that I had been reading some other blogs. As we have been away from the hospital more and more I have had less contact with the usual gang of people that we have meet. I have looking to see if any of my cohorts have similar blogs. I get caught in reading them sometimes and they often do not have happy endings.

I found one that was about a very little girl name Rose. She was diagnosed with AML ( Not what M-E has) and did not make it more than 45 days post transplant. I have not read it all but she had died on the day I found the blog. February 13 of this year. She had been diagnosed on Friday the 13th of May. ( See why I might relate).

As we all know, I am terrified of a relapse. Let me tell you when you relapse post transplant it is not a good thing. I will go and read it some day. I am afraid to read it all right now. Reading it, I realized how hopeless it feels to read about events in people's lives and not be able to change anything. I do find bits of wisdom in the writing.

They had a service for Rose and at the service the Mom was able to read the following from an Ancient Korean Chant

Everything lost is found again
In a new form, in a new way.
Everything hurt is healed again
In a new life, In a new day.

I thought the words were so simple. I think it says it all.

Admissions

Well what a strange journey. I guess I should know that nothing is easy. ME will not commit until she knows all the variables, like Who is going where, will they be able to be together.

Whitney is huge in this equation. She is such a part of M-E's support system. I think she might just need her permission to go to Holy Names if Whitney was not accepted. While I know that this choice is not just about being happy, it is a huge element.

The problem with this process is that with kids that are waitlisted, there is still a possibility that each child will have more choices. There are a number of kids that have more than one choice. When they release one of the slots the choice goes to someone else. I was silly to think that February 18th would be decision day.

I just finished a book I found on Saturday. ADMISSIONS by Nancy Leiberman. I am going to give it to the school tomorrow. I think it should be mandatory reading for all 7th and 8th Grade parents. It is so funny but so telling. The following is the first paragraph.

The Tuesday after Labor Day marked the official start of admission season, the Manhattan parents' version of a blood sport. The ferocity with which Wall Street traders worked the floor, mergers-and-acquisition's lawyers closed their deals, magazine editors staked their claims on a hot new trend, the ladies who lunched jockeyed for positions at the fall shows couldn't hold a candle to the intense competition between familys to secure that most coveted of accessories: a space for their child in the school of their choice.

It is a funny book. The person who wrote it had to have had the experience. I realized that I really need to back off and let M-E take the lead. I was told that she had not made her decision yet and realized that this is her decision. I told her she had to at least let me tell her what I see as the strengths and the weaknesses of both. We shall see. Whitney comes home on Tuesday.