We Are still here

She keeps spiking a fever. I tried to get us out of here on Saturday and failed, I failed on Sunday. We shall see how the day goes. I have some hope we can get her home.

She is very sad and depressed. She is just sick and tired of all of it. This was promised to us to be a good time and she can not see very many good times in the future. We were not ready for a 5 day hospital stay where every day she feels worse. Being forced to leave from post Turkey time festivities was just gut wrenching. I had wanted to get the tree up and I did not even have a chance to find or buy new lights. I just see my happy child leaving down a road I can not walk with her. She has gone to that awful place were I can not reach her.

Sometimes in the tunnel there is does not seem like there is hope. She is in a very dark place. I am going downstairs to see if I can spark her spirits. I am more worried now than I have ever been. She is so mad at me that we are here and feels guilty that she wants me here but feels bad that I have spend nights here and then cannot effectively work. What a mess.

She wants to stop treatment. She knows I need to work. She knows that if I don't work it is bad on many fronts but then she wants me with her right now. I hate that I can not be in more than one place.