It's a Dark and Misty Night

The rain has been falling all day. I have spent hours at this computer and don't feel like I have accomplished much. M-E is just pooped. No other words for it. She is tired. She did a lot this week-end and her body is not as willing as her spirit to be involved with the living.

She came home from an overnight with the Vehoffs and laid down on the couch and that was that. I managed to get a bit of cereal into her and she chatted with a few of the kids at the door. She wanted to "hear other people doing normal things." I could not have said it better.

She wants normal and life to be normal. I suggested that we not carve the pumpkins this year but she did not think that was a good idea at all. She was very certain that life would not be complete if I did not get up to my armpit in pumpkin guck. Three lanterns are on the front porch. Not our usual 15, nor are they very creative but they are carved and they are lit, and they were there with all the normal pumpkins on this dark and misty night.

I know what she is feeling because I feel we have somehow stepped out of life. We are in this little space that is focused on very specific tasks. There is little or no connection to the outside world. I feel like I have crawled into a space under a root and pulled the forest bits in after me. No knowing what will come along, I feel I have to have my back against the wall and watch out all the time. I don't dare fall a sleep or let my guard down. There are so many things out in the dark and misty night just ready to pounce.

Maggie called this week-end and offered to spend a few hours at the house on Sunday and let me go do some things. My first thought was that I am not sure what I would do. Movie, maybe. Go shopping, no. I have been watching my neighbor move and I am now ready to pitch everything. Go visit someone, maybe. Try and forget for a few hours. I don't know if I can. I wish I knew a way to forget. See, Dark and Misty nights..... bring out the dark and misty feelings.

I did not let the time slip by. A nap, a bit of quilt finishing and then we went out to a real dinner ,with salad,a drink and everything. It was nice.

I decided that I have to have some plans and ask people for some of their time and figure out what I want to do if time avails itself.

Plan: something that you decide to do in the future. Something people with type A personalities do to excess. It makes them very grumpy if the plan falls through. I will try to re-enter the world of the normal.

I long for a plan on this Dark and Misty Night.