One more................................. Thank God

One more, one more possible dose of Methotrexate IV. One more. I hate this stuff. In little doses it is okay. In pill form, I am hoping it is tolerable during maintenance. But this stuff is a killer. Within 15 seconds of the infusion beginning, she goes from a happy child with color to a silent white blob. There is no other way to to describe it. It happens so fast. Our fellow was even shocked when she sat with us for a chat last time.

One more dose........

M-E and I were driving home and she saw a red mini cooper. She said there is my car. I asked how old she was going to be when this was over and we realized that she would not be old enough to drive. I then said that when she was 5 years cancer free we would try and get her a used mini cooper. She broke into sobs. I couldn't believe it. She was in true agony. I inquired and she exclaimed "Mom I cannot do this for 5 years." She had thought I said treatment would take 5 years. I explained that people have cancer free anniversaries and that it was a good thing.

I took her a long time to get over what she called the "Scare" .

I realize that it is now time to address the healing of her soul. I am going to talk with my sister about the Navaho healing ceremony. I am going to talk with Mr. Boyle about doing one for her at the school before the end of the year. Sadie is coming home, we are going to do lots of Venice planning. We need lots and lots of prayers.

We have one more dose but it is not over yet.