Things are not as they seem

AS I gaze out the window, it looks perfect. Yesterday the houses across the street changed drastically. The port-a-potty left, the grass rug showed up. Two dozen gerber daisies were planted. The house numbers went up thus completing the perfect picture I am looking at today.

So many people just look at the surface. There is so much more to the story across the street. We have watched the process from the beginning. Carrol moving his stuff, oh my god he had stuff. The taking down of the old holly trees, the removal of the concrete and the house. The filling of the original foundation. The setting of the forms, the pouring of the cement footings, the slabs, the first sticks of wood. Step by step towards this perfect view.

But then things are not always as they seem................ One of the houses is built over the old filled in foundation. It has the best view but it is gong to settle. The dirt under the grass is marginal at best. The green is going to leave very soon. The flowers that were planted are pretty but they favorites to the snails and slugs and demand unending sun. They will just protest and die. The stone and the shakes are very interesting panels of material and not the real thing. It should be interesting to see how things hold up. In all fairness they are darling. They are an asset to the neibghborhood and I could not be more pleased with how they look. But....

It is like M-E right now. She appears fine but she is deeply damaged. I think it is time to take some time and address that. She has been in tears a lot. The smallest thing brings her to the brink. She frets about so much. Little things. I have to be so careful. She has -1764523 disappointment threshold. I do also.

I was going through my office files and I found a folder titled SUMMER 2004. I opened it up and there was the summer. All planned out. All set up. Including the June 17th eye exam, culminating in our trip to Spirit Lake at the end of the summer. It was a great summer plan.
I realized as the tears came that we would never have such a sense of freedom and abandon again. I also realized that we did not fully understand what we had at the time. It was truly a different world for us than this one we live in now.

My mother would be proud. I picked up the phone called CYO and asked if they would let her come to camp. I had not even considered the possibility but then decided they needed to tell me know. I could not let our former life be completely taken away. It was only going to be taken if I let it. Good news, she gets to go, Bad news the horse camp is full. We will do horses another way.

Things are not what they seem but they are better than can be expected because I won't let them be any other way.