Thanksgiving and ThanksTaking

It is always a bit of both.  Give a little, take a little.  Leave a little. 

So we cooked.  People came. People ate. Food mounded on the table.  Our tiny turkey of only 21 pounds went on to feed the world. It took three days to do the dishes but what the heck.  Better to spend time together with Friends and Family then to have a clean house.   

For some reason I find I am doing lots of breath holding. But tests are coming and I am always afraid of what they will find.  I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. The one that will stick to the floor and not return. I know it is nuts to trust the Universe and also Nuts to not trust the Universe. Childhood Cancer is such a monster. A hideous multi-headed Medusa. Enough. So many kids did not make it to this Thanksgiving and more will be missing next year.  Losses just make it more important to keep going and gathering those we love close and closer. 

 Looking forward and not backward. Pretending there is a long future but know it is not the case for everyone.  So as the knives slip into their designated places, I plan for Christmas Eve.  Crab Bisque, Beecher Cheese and Tomato Soup.  Come one, Come all. Come for the adoration of the Soup Tureen. (We even found the soup bowls)  

The Comfort of Continuety

There is comfort in knowing something of value comes from our lives.  Some little piece. A moment, a thought, the solution to the common cold, a great novel. Something.  Or maybe it is someone that cares we have gone. 

It seems silly to put much effort into it but as a person who studied history.  We spend most of our efforts on the big events. The big people and artist and the musicians and the like.  Even they have bits of their lives rushed over and forgotten.  The Dr. Seuss with a new book after 50 years, a manuscript found in the basement closet. 

So here I sit.  With a bit of deep sadness that has seemed to come to the surface.  It comes from finding a box of pictures.  These are mostly formal pictures but as I looked a the framed pictures, I realized there will not be any more of new humans that look like the rest of the ones in the box.  This group of genes is done.  No more high cheek bones and almond eyes.  No more big smiles that accentuate round cheeks from under a fringe of brown hair. No reflections of the past, Grampa's eyes, Great Grandpa's Nose, the weird family web toes.  

Does it matter?  Not really.  Will there be children that love the Stacking doll or Grandma Mary's ax or Great Grandma's Turkey Roaster?

Of course there will. We are a family of vast acceptance of the new and the interesting.  We just add some more water to the

soup and make a place at the table.

There is a loss here. A real loss. A real end. The mirror is broken.  No more reflections of the particular group of genes.  I get to be sad about that for a bit.  Then I will move on.  Because there is no other option. Not for us. Continuity is not a possibility. 

I guess I better get dressed!

We All Have Our 9-11's

I am old enough tohave several "where were you when?" events in my life.  Some personal, some national. All life changing. 

John Kennedy's assassination
First Moon Landing
9-11

Cancer Diagnosis Day
Death of Father Day
Cancer Relapse Day

Transplant Day

Most are not days, most are moments but they forever change the landscape of our lives. 

Some times we don't realize the significance of a day or a time until long after it happens.  We can look back with great clarity and find the moment in time. The moment we should have known, the moment we could have known the seed was planted.  

We have many significant moments, hard impact moments, Lasts we did not recognize at the time.  We think there are going to be lots more chances and lots more days. 

I know I look at things differently.  I am much more concerned with this very moment.  I have seen too much to not be.  

I know there are limited tomorrows and no certainty. The moment of noticing the single humming bird as it locates a still juicy trumpet flower while the sun reflects off the feeder. 

We must never forget but we also have to keep going.  No matter how much chaos there is in our lives, the world keeps going forward.  See, I started this post on September 11 and now it is September 12th.  

Hoping for only good memory event creators.