Things seem to have just faded away

I am looking out the window and we have some fog this morning. When I first sat down a the computer things were distinct. It was dark and I could make out all the houses and could determine who was home in the neighborhood. (You can tell a lot about a household by the cars that are present or more importantly, not present.) While in the dark, there are hints of light that help you discern the world.

When I looked up just now, everything was gone. The fog isn't thicker, it is just interacting with the light to create a curtain. It is the dusky time when everything is the same color. The time we can not distinguish the real objects that are very real but illusive. It is different than being "in the fog" and a bit more disconcerting. When the fog is thick and soupy you have no chance of seeing anything. You go slowly and you creep down the path you are traveling. When you find yourself in a monochromatic world, slow does not help. It is more paralyzing to be in a place with no distinctive boundaries.

We have been spending lots of time on a monochromatic planet. Lots of sameness with that knowing that things could easily transition into horrible darkness or the light could finally shine through. I know that we are always looking for those boundaries and trying to make distinctions to make our world have some predictability. Each and every day that we are in contact with someone that has been through the process, we try to make our child's case different. We try and see the good similarities and if there are problems we try and distance our case from theirs. There are people on our planet but they are in the same fog.

I realize that I have been in the fog for a long time. All the edges of my former world have been erased. We are sitting on this very small planet and not sure how to get off or if we are still in the same universe. Things have contracted to this most essential sphere. I am not sure if we know how to get off the planet or if we are allowed to take moments away from our efforts on our new planet. I see other worlds as we travel on our orbit. I see families getting out the door to school as if that is normal activity, or Mom's shopping at the store, or people planning spring break or trips to Portland, camping or even to North Bend. I listen to people that talk about dinner parties and spa appointments and going to the theater. They plans things and have a certainty they will be able to do what they have planned. I think that some people are afraid to share with us the world. I think they are afraid to tell us they are going on an exotic adventure. I think they feel we will be jealous in some way. We love to know that our fog has not engulfed everyone. We need to be reminded there will be life beyond this current reality

On this planet there will be no planning allowed. It is a planet that time has no real meaning. Time expands and contracts with ease and no real predictability. While we sit in the fog, we are not allowed to see beyond the edges. We have a sense that there are things beyond the barrier but know that we will fall off our current perch if we expend too much energy in tying to reach that place.

We have to do t his transit. There are no ways to make the fog lift for the time being. We have to wait to see if we will be seeing light or whether or not the darkness will give us our boundaries. We are given hints on occasion but then we are often given reminders that we must try and keep our balance while we are here in this place of cloudy edges.