It is Fall and the Hair is Falling

I never realized how attached I was to her hair. She has never been bald before. She came screaming into this world with a full head and it is has been only growing and more beautiful every year. Johnny took over hair duty several years ago. Jerry Tapia, our long time hair dresser, knows better than to cut it any way that can be detected less he incur the wrath of Yaya.

When the all diagnose was given, we didn't ask about the hair for a few days. Everyone assured us it was doomed. The Chemo kills " rapidly dividing cells" hair, white blood cells, red blood cells, cells that line your intestinal tract and sperm cells if your male.

We have been indecisive on how to react. About two days after she was in the hospital, she had a roommate that has only a dozen or so strands of hair left. We all looked at Tamra and even M-E thought it was time to shave her head. We talked with Karyn, our beloved nurse practitioner, and she told us to wait. That was great advice. We did shorten the hair to her chin. It was cute and more manageable for a while.

It did start to go, first a few strand on the pillow, then a brush full and then the dust bunnies became much more like dust elephants. Hair was getting everywhere. She did manage to keep enough during radiation to protect her skin. A few days after the end of radiation, Jerry came and gave her a Mia Farrow cut. It was time. I snagged a piece. I have a piece from when she was a baby. It is dark and very brittle. It has been through a lot but then so has Mary-Elizabeth.

We went with Alison to the wig store and we bought a cute wig. She did not want her head shaved and is a bit reluctant about her hair. She is in such a deep quiet place right now that it is hard to tell what she is thinking but I am sure she is worried everyone will stare or make fun of her. That is a middle schooler in her. I think ridicule is their greatest fear and no amount of reassurance will relieve that apprehension.

She has always been a child that likes things to be the same. There is nothing that is the same. We are making progress but a weariness has set in on everyone. This should be the worst of it. On the 25th of October she has to be evaluated to see if she can start the next round of Chemo. I am much less anxious about starting this time. She has responded so well to the last round. There has been lots of destruction of cells, she may need some time to let her body repair itself.

I just have to say that the hair going has made me sad, so very very sad. Each small pile I find jolts me a bit. It is hard to deny what is happening when you see it go. This is real, this is not a bad dream. This is our reality. I guess we are a bit like the barometer in the hall, it has dropped lower than I have ever seen it but one thing we know is it does go backup after the storm passes. The storm and the rain and the tears will pass soon.