Month 10 is complete.

We ignored yesterday but as I looked at the clock, I realized that 10 months ago we were sitting in an emergency room, praying for a miracle to happen. Waiting for the blood counts to come back and be a mistake. We were hoping against hope that we were asleep and the nightmare would be over soon.

Well in many ways we are doing the same things right now. Praying every day, hoping for a miracle. Hoping this does not come back. We know that this is our nightmare. We don't have any choice but to march on through to the end. Next week is the Cytoxon over night with the 8 doses of Ara-C during two weeks and a spinal tap with a Methotrexate chaser and some Thioguine for 28 doses. They give her the Dexemethesone to get her body ready for the upcoming onslaught. It will take her two or three weeks to recover and then should have smooth sailing with just weekly Chemo.

That is our summer, in a nutshell. Boy, just wait until next summer. You won't be able to find me. We will check into Seattle for a once a month visit and that will be it. Who knows what it will be. I better start clearing my calendar. Now that sounds like a plan.

I do have to acknowledge the miracles that have happened. We have been blessed.

One is time with Grandma Mary. We would never had had so much time and she is such a special person. She brings our neighborhood to life. Lesson learned, you can never give someone enough jam. Small smiles are worth all the big gestures rolled together.

Another is the support of the St. Joseph's community. They did not miss a step. "Ask and you shall receive." It is not just a silly old bible verse. It has great power.

The endless help from friends, the dinners, the kind thoughts, the supportive e-mails, the gardening, the laundy faries, the phone calls I never return. It has been so much help.

The chance to really, really evaluate priorities. We all give that idea lip service and I think we all look at priorities but there is this sort of idea that we have forever to work things out. We only have this moment to savor. I think that is why we are such nuts with the photos. We are trying to capture the experience. The mind's eye is our best camcorders. Our noses have lots of power also.

Well we keep moving. On the treadmill, no way to stop, even if we are very smart. Dad tells a story about some research being done with pigs and treadmills. The were not able to stop but soon learned they could put their feet on the sides and not have to use the tread mill surface. The researchers made the sides slick so they could not escape the inevitable. We are on that treadmill. No escape, but it does finally slow down and we are in better shape for having been here.