Heavy Sigh

Heavy sigh....

I do this a lot. A way to get rid of the bad air and let in the good. I tend to not breath and find that it helps a bit to re-oxygenated my blood. I am a very good crisis manager and am good on my feet. At the end of the day when I have a moment to process and think about how the day went and what I could do differently to prevent the event, I do.

Mary-E had a couple of good days. No apparent side-affects, no need for blood or platelets, no headaches, nausea, wanted to eat steak and leave the room and go to Starbucks. She was able to unhooked from her IV because she was able to drink as more than was required. (These people are so excited by pee.) Being the optimist I was just ready to grab on to that bit of good news and project only great things happening. Maybe going home, maybe a walk in the Hem/Onc halls, maybe some real conversation and some chance to see my lovely daughter. She tends to go to a very quiet deep dark place, sort of like a turtle. When she is feeling awful, she does not complain she gets very very quiet. It is impossible to find her when she is "gone" like that. It is almost like hibernation. As a parent, it is so so hard to just let her stay. As a mom, I want to fix it.

After a couple of good days, yesterday her whole body hurt, headache, nausea, wanting to be back on IV. Using all of her strength to keep from throwing up. She went back to that deep deep dark place and was gone again. I should know by now that this happens but she is 16 days out from the Mitozanton (Blue Thunder) and I would like to think it had done its job and we can get on to mending.

Nothing is going to "fix" this easily. So a bit of sighing was necessary at the end of the day was the result.

So I am up, headed to the shower. Going to have some Tortilla Soup or Stuffed Peppers for breakfast and then head over to the hospital for the day and night. I am going to play Angry Birds and maybe do some reading.