Friday, September 30, 2011

Medical Flight to Seattle Children's

Hopes:
 We get to go in a helicopter at some point. 
The pilot is cute.
 They have snacks. This does not count as a wish.

Fears:


That we have to do this at all??

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Who Ever Said Life is FAIR

Did not have a happy healthy child diagnosed with Cancer twice in less than a decade.

I am sitting at Sacred Heart's Pediatric Hem/Onc Florr looking at the lights of Gonzaga and quietly crying.  Meb is in her new room hooked up to IV's  and chattering with her friends from college.  They arrived at 10:00 pm.  I am giving them some time and space and trying to process. 

Today we heard the words "Very rare, very unusual Late Relapse"  Now isn't that just very special.

She knew,  she knew in that deep dark place that she goes when the world is not cooperating, that it was back.  It is back with a vengeance. 

Last time  26,000 White Blood Cells
This time 225,000 White Blood Cells

97% of the WBC's are useless unformed pieces of useless, wasteful, horrid  schmeckt. 

We are back to square one.  We are starting over.  But this is not a good thing.  She is older, she has a body that has been beaten up before, she is in so so much more danger.  I am just terrified.  I don't know how to even breath right now. 

The plan is as follows:  More liquids, some platelets, some blood, lots of benidryle, some sleep, some more blood tests and then we wait and let those in the know do their job.

They will tell me things and I will write them here and then in a couple of years I will go back and read what I have written.  I hope it is a happy story. 

As I have often said.  God answers all prayers, sometimes the answer is NO.  We  have just cried all day.  All of our hopeful enthusiasm that comes with the statistics that make up Cancer World are gone.  How do we explain to all those parents that go through week after week, day after day treatment of their children, it could be for naught.

They could have a lovely child in school doing well, loving life and then have a weird toe bruise that brings the illusion down. 

So so so so so sad. It will take me a few days to be able to be positive again.