The nurses say that counts are coming, the doctors are saying counts are coming. Some of the counts will start to make her feel better but when she has counts the white cells will rush to her sites of infection and call lots of pain... So we are waiting.
We are both regressing. The sicker she gets, the younger she gets. She is sleeping with a Pillow Pet right now and so am I. Everything is a problem. Years of maturation are disappearing like Shrimp from a buffet. My ability to handle it is dependent on the amount of sleep I get. If I leave she really has problems my absence. If I stay she asks me to leave or says I can.
It gets worse as she becomes more anxious and needs things to be the same. There is nothing about this process that provide any continuity. We have a new Bone Marrow attending, week-ends have lots of changed staff, different Bone Marrow Physicians assistant and today she will be having three nurses, none that she has ever had before. The hospital has had a big change in how they chart and there is an undercurrent of tension and concern. Things are not being done the same, things are being put places that make since and things once charted cannot be found.
There are sparks of my child still here. I know that she will come out of this whole and regain her health and find her happy place again.
So Isolation.... Why: Because there are two small unidentified blisters on her skin. Because they could be things like Chicken Pox and Herpes Isolation is imposed. She has to stay in her room. I am not allowed to talk to anyone on the floor. Nothing that comes in the room can be left on the floor. I have to leave the SCCA unit to use the bathroom. People can visit but lots of Purell is needed.
Cultures have been been taken. I am betting no real problems but it is good that we are taking precautions.
So tomorrow is going to be day 14, it will be a better day. I am going to make sure that there are sprinkles on all the cup cakes.
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