Tuesday, July 02, 2013

She is going to Make it to 21....

And is doing it with great grace and aplomb and I am so relieved.

I need to set some new goals.  Not hat getting here was easy.  It was anything but. 

9 years of knowing there was something wrong, finding out what it was, fighting it, thinking it was better only to have it come back with a vengeance and fighting it again. 

It makes me so so sad to think about all that has happened.  I don't need anyone to account for me all the good things that have come out of the process.  I am very very aware of them.  I just need to sit for a bit with the injustice and deep sorrow it has brought to Mary-Elizabeth, me, my whole family, my friends, my clients.  My life, the loss of security, profession, financial resources.  This was certainly not the plan.  

Sometimes I need to sit with it for awhile.  I don't let it happen very often but it is there, hovering in the back ground. Sometimes it makes me want to eat Siberia.  Trying not to do that.  Picking bits of me off leaving it behind. 

I am very pleased that my child will not be getting completely drunk and throwing up on her birthday and that is a great thing...  She has already done enough of that....

 

1 comment:

Jackie said...

I can very much identify with your sentiments here. I was feeling this way when my boy turned 10 in October. On happy occasions there's always a big dark cloud lurking in the background. I just have to turn away and ignore it, but sometimes I go into it, and it's not pretty.

Now I'm hoping we get to 11...