Old E-mail I found and thought I should store somewhere. Sent September 2, 2004

Subject: Good and Bad News about Mary-Elizabeth
Good afternoon:

This is the first day I have been able to take a moment to compose an e-mail and send it out. We have a lot to be thankful for but some worries are ahead.

Good News:
A. She has the best kind of Lukemia. ( I refuse to learn to spell it.) She has ALL and we are into week three of a 2.5 year period of treatment.

B. I will have a working home office by week's end for the times I need to be home.
C. She has been able to be in school all week.
D. She is a girl and not a boy. Boys are treated for 3 years.
E. She never had any Luequemia symptoms before we found the problem.
F She did not have to have brain surgery in order to make the diagnosis.
G. 75-80% of the kid make it and she has always been better than a C student.
H W e live close to Children's Hospital and don't have to live in the Ronald McDonald House.
I . We have friends that will bring us something to eat. Just be forewarned when you enter the Children's Hospital cafeteria you enter 1952 only with instant potatoes.

Bad News: We can not be more than 60 minutes from Children's Hospital for the the next 9 months.
She does not want my input on her Make-a-Wish. I really thought that having John Travolta fly here with Tom Cruise as co-pilot to pick us up to fly to Dell to pick out a lap top and meet Lance Armstrong and then on to Disney World where Brad Pitt would meet us and we could go on all the rides without waiting in line was a good idea. Oh, yeah that would be the plan for me and my sister.

Reality Check`

We are headed into month three of 'Post Treatment" time. We are regaining some things that we lost in those dark years of leukemia. I ignored lots of things like people and our yard and the house and my health. We have lost touch with so many people and so many parts of our old lives. We seems to be making some attempts at re-connecting. Some more successful than others. I am running into a pretty common phenomenon in that people have been afraid to contact us. Our silence has made them wonder if things are okay. If M-E is alright. If there has been a turn for the worse and she had died and no one bothered to tell them. I hate that my silence may have created those thoughts.

Suffice it to say, we are here, alive and well. We are doing what we can to enjoy and honor each day. We are very aware that life has not been easy but it is also not impossible to deal with. We have had the best of all outcomes.

At some point in M-E's treatment, I began looking for other blogs done by parents with similar issues. I found the one about a little girl named Hannah. She was diagnosed with ALL and died within weeks of that diagnosis. Her mom has kept writing as the year as passed since that death. It is a very different life they live. I will not expound more but she has important things to say. I wish there was more that we could do for everyone but I think Tracy is right. Some times we have to be returned to heaven and have a "D0 Over."

First Day of Lent or What I am giving up for 40 days and 40 nights.

I used to give up things like fabric. I don't really buy fabric any more since I have not really be quilting any more and I was sort of distracted by that Leukemia thing for the last few years. I have been known to give up E-Bay. I do like to look at things.

I was shopping this morning so I could send my sister an assortment of cards. She sent my daughter a thank-you card and it was an altered Sympathy card. She says she was being resourceful. I am going to do something to fill that need. Of course is that any stranger than having my father use a 1936 Christmas Seal for a 36 cent stamp? Evidently the post office did not seem to mind. What really boggled me is that they did not even cancel it.

So here I am back at Lent. 40 days, and 40 nights of giving up something. That old fasting thing. I think I am going to give up something productive like clutter. Maybe I could find 40 spaces in my house to clear. Now that would be a good thing. Maybe I could give up dis-organization. I could sort and throw and clear. Maybe I could give up not going to the Dog Park with the dogs. They do love it. Maybe I could give up short afternoon walks and take long walks instead. Maybe I could give up weeds in my back yard. Maybe I could give up using my garage as a storage locker. Maybe I could give up...................

I think it is much easier to give up something you can see and touch and think about. I am going to try the clutter thing and the walking thing. I also have banned bread and pastries from my world. I have decided that does not mean tortillas or crackers. It is not all desserts so cookies are okay. I am just not very good at Lent.

I asked Mary-Elizabeth what she was giving up and she said Chemo........ and then pointed out that she had given up more than enough. I had to agree. 40 days..............

Beach Time

Mom is a Mountain Person. I am a beach person. I can sit for hours and listen to the pounding and the birds and the wind. It is a place that I belong. I don't need to be in it. Just by it. I am not an Atlantic Ocean person or a sunny beach person. I am a stormy beach person. I love the time there.

We met Mom and Dad at Moclips on the Washington Coast. The North Beach area as the locals call it. It is literally 9 miles from the end of the road. Desolate, quiet, harsh windy, sandy. All those good things. It is not Canon Beach but it is beautiful. No tide pools but then endless stretch of beach is a great thing for walking or just sitting. It was cold and very windy. High and Minus Tides. Crazy people digging razor clams in the dark. Small bar/restaurants that scared my daughter and time to learn how to play cribbage with Grandpa. Time to read, off leash time and good meals. It felt very normal. We will be going more often. No need to return to that location but finding a place down the road.

Birthdays and Other special Occasions

Tomorrow is Dad's 76th birthday. It is not "old" in today's world where some people live to 114 but it is darn right respectable in any world. Father, Dad, Daddy, how do we ever actually honor him? How do we ever thank him for all that he has done for us? How do we ever let him know what an important person he is to us? How do we explain the lessons he has taught us? How to see, how to listen, how to evaluate, how to work and work hard. How to see potential at every picked over garage sale? How to face life and all of it's challenges. How to laugh when there is nothing funny about a situation. How to ask the hard questions. How to admit you are wrong with conviction and integrity. How to tell a tall tell. How to create memories for our children. How to teach them to want to travel and try new things. How to make a pair of shoes last a little bit longer. How to value friends and family and put up with all their foibles. How to fry perfect bacon and make sour dough pancakes ( I am still working on that one.) How to put stamps on an envelope so they are not all cancelled and can be reused. How to forgive yourself for not letting a man poorer than yourself polish your shoes when you only have two dollars in your pocket. How to give the best of yourself to those that seek your help. How to not carry a grudge. How to accept people for what and who they are but still expect the best of them. How to place the best picks in the office pool for March Madness. How to have the courage to make big life changes and stop what is making your so so unhappy to find what you really want to do. How to milk a cow and pull off a chicken's neck. How to go on endless road trips and camp out every night. How to appreciate art and music. How to stop at historical markers just because. How to try and understand the mistakes we as a culture have made and do a little something to fix it. How to appreciate Chief Joseph and the importance of seeing where the battle occurred. How to drive a stick shift. How to treat your life partner. How to accept all the weird things your children do. How to forgive your children for all the weird things they do do. How to get a 4 point in college. How to have an interest in lots of things and not be a nerd. How to laugh at yourself when you make a laughable mistake like saddle the draw horse and not the riding horse. How to take advantage of every possible opportunity when you have the chance. Find out where you are and explore a place for more than the obvious. How to face serious and life threatening challenges with grace and honor. How to be thankful of each and every day knowing they are a gift.

I don't know how to say the right things so I have decide to put this on my blog and and send him a copy for his birthday and try not to comit mail fraud by using old stamps or Christmas Seals.

Hair History

I think what this really shows is smile history. Always a smile. We are working on keeping that smile as the pressures mount at work and at school. We have lots of balls in the air and sometimes breathing is a forgotten pass time. Each day is better and then there are days of total exhaustion but the energy returns with more regularity. Lots of activity. Spring is coming. The light is returning to the world and we have HAIR

Full Moons and Weird Dreams

The difference between a good hair cut and a bad one is 6 months in Tucker World. Tucker is wanting to meet the newest Seattle "it" scottie. If you click on to the title, you will be wisked away to the new dream girl in his life. He is hoping to get to meet her some day.

Endless exhausting dreams. Weird, nonsense sorts of madness. Murders and non-responsive police. Endless treks that lead to no end. Restarting of dreams even after waking. I did have tea in a really great tea house with the Sisters of the Holy Names. Evidently I had failed to notice the lake side retreat area out front next to the ferry dock. Oh, well it has been a busy couple of years.

We are gearing up to gear up to be busier in a different way. M-E is going to part of an exercise study at the Hutch. Chipper, cheerie personal trainer for 12 weeks. She can get there on a bus after school. The one afternoon of work study and then crew one night a week. She will transition to crew more as her other obligations drop off. It is pretty exciting. I think I am required to hunt for appropriate outfits for the tasks.

One more day this week and then we settle into a quiet week-end. Maybe the dreams will subside.