It has been a long hard Week

We are home but it has been a long long week.
On Tuesday we took cookies to the nurses and doctors at the Hem/Onc clinic. We let them smell the cookies and let them know that if she had an ANC that allowed us to continue with treatment we would let them eat the cookies.

It worked. She had gone from 380 on Thursday to 1880 on Tuesday. I guess we would have to classify her Bone Marrow as a "Slow Starter". Once it starts and is reveved up it is great.

We were admitted to begin day "28" it was really day 36 but then with new math you can never know what adds up to what. So, up to a room. A nice room. Windows and lots of televisions so we could have network central for the election coverage. We settled in. We knew what to expect: Fluid, Zofan, Cytoxon, Arac more fluid and the Lasix and then two hours of standing by the bathroom door and then lots of sleep. We knew what to expect and were were ready.

Remember when I have said that this whole process makes me crazy because things keep changing? We plan, we anticipate,we try to trouble shoot and when you think the world will be fine it all falls apart. She was not herself in the morning. She had Zofran, Arac and then started to get sick. They gave her some medications and she slept a bit. Then she said" I am ready to go" She stood up and almost passed out and was sick again. In came the nurses, in came the doctors, in came the fellows and residents and the medical students and finally the Lady with the Alligator Purse.

More drugs and then she just moaned. That deep and intense moan that comes from a very primitive place. A place where no on can reach or help or touch. She had slipped away from everyone and everything. I hated we were at the hospital because I just want to get as close to her as I could and try and take away some of the pain and agony and absorb it. It is so hard to know that you are totally without tools, or resources or any recourse. Time, we just had to wait for everything to work. As a Mom it is so hard. I made this child, I carried her deep in a safe place and now I there was nothing I could do.

I pulled the chair/bed out and was a close to her as I could. I slept, she slept and we waited. About 4 hours later she woke up and said let's go. I had been packed and we made a hasty retreat. I guess we now have more that we can expect. Two more of these treatment.

It was good to be home. She crawled into bed, I gave her the medications she needed, skipped her shot and then waited for Lori to come. She is a former law school class mate. She flew in from Boise to help. It was great to know we would have time to catch up on things from another time and another world.