Counts become our lives. We look at numbers and fret over numbers and wonder if there is a new number column in our future. In Bone Marrow World the numbers are different than in Hem/Onc World. I have seen both sides. On this side of the world we want numbers to go up at a rapid pace. We live with no counts for a very very long time.
In Hem/Onc world you want them to fall and then climb back up so that you can make them fall again.
We have left the cell killing part of our program and are in the cell growing, nurturing part of treatment. Slowly we want things to catch on and grow, but not too fast. Turtle pace is good. We want the numbers to be real and not "juiced". (Neulasta)
I am just tired of it all. This last week I just wanted to go home but then when I think it is possible, there are problems with some new body part and we remain. I have to put myself back in the "we are hear for a while" place and know that this is where we will be.
Home will come soon enough and then we will yearn to return to this part of the world.
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