Saturday, July 19, 2014

So Now What?

So, Mary-E had a discussion with Pearl Anne today.  She explained to her that she was at large and in charge.  She was up for the job and had done a really great job doing her work as the new immune system.  She explained that things were okay and she had been taking care of things just fine.  No need to overreact to every little thing.

  A scarf was not to be feared.  No reason to get all rashy.  A bit of butter on toast was nothing to worry about.  Sushi is really a good thing to be embraced.   No reason to get the gut upset.  There were going to be many battles to be fought in the next few months and years.  She was ready. She has had 2. 5 years to settle in and things are good. 

Now we wait.  Now we wait and see.  The last time the "last" dose was taken there was a party. There was a celebration. There was laughter and relief and joy.  I could barely get out of be this morning.  I have taken to watching "Keeping Up with the Kardashians".  
I have to get a grip.  I have to remember she is 30 months post transplant.  She has gone 30 months without a relapse.  We are half way to the five year mark. The point where most cancers are considered "cured". I should be relieved she has had no signs of any cancer.  

I don't know how to be relieved and happy about this.  Trust that is gone for good was so shattered with the last relapse. 57 months..... 7 years of remission.  I don't know when I will ever believe it is gone for good. 

As always, I will work through this.  It will be okay. I will be okay. She will be okay.  I just have to adjust my expectations and know that Okay is Okay.  I feel like we have been through a fire storm and and hurricane and then the tornado touched down to clear away the rest.  Just not sure how to recover from this.  Pretty daunting.  

I will sit with this for awhile and count my blessings and watch a few more episodes of bad TV.






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