Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Nine Levels of Cancer Hell.... Pre-Diagnosis : one Level at at time.

I always looked at Dante's circles of hell with a certain sort of skepticism  Mom told us that there was no Hell.  I love my mom and I am sure she is right.  But I am not very worried about what happens after this lifetime right now because I have been way too busy fighting the hell I find myself.  

Cancer World has lots of levels, all of them are hell. The first level is Limbo.  Most people in Cancer World spend some time in Limbo.

Dante described it as:

In Limbo reside the unbaptized and the virtuous pagans, who, though not sinful, did not accept Christ. Limbo includes green fields and a castle with seven gates to represent the seven virtues.

We spent 2 months in Limbo before there was a diagnosis   It was defiantly hell.  Tests and more tests and more waiting.  Some don't enter Cancer World this way.  They are plunged to much lower levels very quickly and with no warning. 

We all return here for some respite. Waiting for numbers to recover, waiting for a scan to be read, waiting for the results of a bone marrow aspirate.  Wondering if the new bump behind the ear is a return of cancer.  We all spend lots of time here.

None of us think this is a good place, even it there are castles and unicorns.  It is still Hell and there is no good reason for us to be here or to have our children here. 

No amount of convincing would ever make me believe there is a God that would let a child, an innocent, spend time in a place with no hope of escape.  Maybe it is this sort of anger propelling all of us forward trying to escape Cancer World in one piece.   We don't believe we should be here and we want out. We don't care if there are servants and lackeys and unicorns and pastry chef's.  We don't care if people will take us on wonderful fabulous trips and let us sit in special papers to see Madonna!  

We want out.  

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well said. The concept of wanting to being done with this disease will never, ever be fulfilled. And we or our children didn't even sign up for this.
Ty (double cord Abis' dad)