The week is not going as planned

Don't you think I would have learned. I would be able to predict a bit. I had no worries about this Delayed Intensification Phase. We had done it before in fact my memory is that is was easy. The Chemo was not bad, the worst part was the Dexemethozone and then that was only 28 doses. 14 one week a week off and the 14 more. Cake. M-E was not very nausiated and she sort of sailed. Okay, well that was the plan. Now I am sitting here with a child that has not been to school for two weeks. She is exhausted, and miserable. Each part of her hurts and she is so emotionally upset about so many things. She cann't make it to school but then she cann't stand being at school. She is so very very worried about life and this summer and next year and......... pick a topic.

Her reserves are spent. We are just done. Sick and tired. That is the only thing I can say. Neither of us want to do this anymore. I want to know waht tomorrow will bring and have some predictablility in my life. I am ready to jump back into the real world. I want to talk with people and feel like there are more topics in the world or questions to answer besides "How are you?" I would like to answer, great, we are busy we have been to a play, we have done some traveling, we......................... are not just boring people that sit at home and try to hold it together. We do more than watch movies or sit on the couch in quiet moments and try to remember our old life. We have hands not ravaged by Purell and eat salad with no fear.

I don't mean to complain but this seems to have gone on forever. I guess I just need to get this out.

Please know I have appreciated every one and everything that everyone has done. We should be back to some sort of normal by the end of summer.