It snaps us back on occasion. To that place of quiet reflection and "nowness". All we have for certain is the breath we have just exhaled. It could all just come to a crashing end before the next one. We must look at just this instant. Look at this small bird darting around or the bit of sunshine coming in the window. We can't look beyond.
Try it for just a moment. Close your eyes. Clear your mind... count to three. Okay try again, Clear your mind.... Okay, Okay, that means you have to not think about the dishes that need washing, dogs that need walking, bills that need paying. Now try again. Inhale....
See it is so hard to do. Our minds are so busy.
While in Cancer World we are reminded all the time. Now, this moment, this breath. Today was one of those days.
Several years ago we ended up in the Hospital for several days during Thanksgiving. No Turkey Sandwich came our way. We make sure it does not happen to those at the hospital again. We take sandwiches over and make sure every one's needs are met.
Going this year resulted in seeing several folks that we know that haven't seen ME for more than a year. The relief they feel when this see her up and walking and looking great is so much fun to see. She has become one of their success stories. We ran into Dr. Anderson. Bob. He has been doing transplants for a very long time. He lacks many social skills but is meticulous and always in line for his coffee at Starbucks at 7:36 in the morning. He doesn't remember my name or Mary-Elizabeth's but he remembers her numbers. He is a funny guy and a good runner. When she said she felt she was going to throw up, he ran so fast from the hospital. During an entire month he was her attending, he only touched her once. An awkward pat on the back: "There There". It was sweet. Today I reintroduced us to him and before we left he gave us both a Hug. A real hug.
We had some time with Katie Elliot and her family. Katie is in the hospital and stuck in Seattle for a couple more weeks. They are very focused on quality of "life" with her. What a snap back to reality.
Good, bad, horrible, success, failure, transplant, no transplant, relapse, complications, side affects, new test drugs, trials, surgeries, procedures, IV's, ports, hickmans, blood draws, it all keeps going on going on. It really makes it hard to worry about whether or not the kitchen is clean or the laundry done.
It needs to be about staying focused on each other. Our time together. Not missing a chance to have some fun or have a picture taken or a movie seen.
We are looking at today. Now. This moment.