We are on the edges right now. She is better. She is doing normal things. We are traveling a bit to familiar places. We are visiting places like the Zoo and Aquarium. We are making plans. We are at the hospital as a visitor and not a patient. We are edging to the part of the world where we can pull free of this votex that has held us for so long.
It makes me crazy because I am afraid to believe we can make a few steps and be out of reach of the fear and anxiety and the endless worry. There has been some discussion about whether or not she could go on a white water trip with other cancer survivors. Can she go, should she go, will she be in danger? Do they allow a child in bubble wrap into the boat?
We were in CleElum at Dairy Queen. We stop, we imbibe, we sit in the same place. I count the number of trucks coming through the drive-in. During our stay, we talked about the danger of falling out of the boat and hitting her head and bleeding to death. I told her I would much rather she die in some sort of sporting accident than sitting at home waiting to start living.
Maybe I can say such things because I don't think there is any possibility she would fall out of the boat and hit her head. Freeze to death, a real possibility.... but again I want her to learn to walk on her own again.
This trip has a doctor, a nurse and an EMT. It will be fine.