Wednesday, June 05, 2013

Messes

We all deal with them differently.  We all see things differently. We all have ways to handle challenges.  Change is a challenge.

If you review the list of the biggest stresses in life, they are all changes.  Death, divorces, moves, new job, new spouse, new coffee house with weird coffee your don't really like.  They are all transitions and changes. 

My siblings are all handling the big changes in our life, the loss of the family home, differently.  We are a bunch of transients at best.  I lived in 3 states and the District of Columbia before I was 5 years old.  Mom has moved with dad almost 30 times.  But I have concluded we are all handling it differently.

Brother David was sure he wanted the house.  He loves the house, he wanted the house.  Well that was pretty silly.  He lives in California, has a well established business and can not afford another house.  He got over that and instead will take any of the furniture no one else wants. 

Alex feel it is his job to untangle, organize and sell 15 years of Mom and Dad's life.  He is stressed and so his reaction is to clean drawers.  He is working his way though the house and we all sort of sit back and ponder.  This was the end result of one session at Dad's desk.
 I was a bit confused bu then it made sense to him.
 
Belle is now driving across the county and checks in several times a day.  We don't exactly tell her Mom has been getting up and down by herself and cooking bacon at will.  We don't mention that we are done with dressing changes because she is healing so well.  We don't mention that Mom will only be getting 9 not 10 shots because I was not smart enough to open the syringe....  She worries and frets and calls to converse with her siblings. She is doing long distance therapy with both Alex and me. 
 
I am cooking and planting flowers and assessing what is going, what is staying, what needs to be spread out through our friends and Family.  I am on a very different tract then my brother.  I am here, in the moment until Mom is ready. Ready to move for the first time in her life to her own place.  She is 81 years old and has never lived on her own.  She is about to do what I did when I was 22.  My first big move to Dietrich Idaho, Population 82.
 
I am doing washing, and drying and folding and hanging on the line.  I don't always get the stuff off the but it dries the second day.  I am working really hard to make sure there is good fresh, high protein food.  Yesterday was killer meatloaf and tonight is some salmon.
 
In all fairness, I am also making big messes.  This was the kitchen after making black bean and corn salad.  
I guess the real message here is that life is messy. We can plan and organize and cook and sort and clean and strategies and problem solve  and still life is messy.  Nothing seems to turn out the way we had hoped or expect or anticipated.  But sometimes out of great messes come great black bean salad.
 
 

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