Stress started to enter the picture again. Just creeping into the edges. I was able to just let go of all of it for a day. Pretending we were done. All the worry, the constant fear, the nagging anxiety. I was able to pretend, for a bit that it was over.
Having Mary-E back in school made it seem like it was over. It was back to normal. It's not normal. I don't have a place to spend my energies, clients to worry about, I have only me to worry about. It is time I spend some time worrying about me.
Eye doctor: "Sally you have not been here for two years" Bad Sally
Dentist: "Sally you canceled your last three cleanings" Bad Sally
Doctor: "Sally Annual means every year!"
Mammogram: "Really, 18 months.! Do you know what can happen in 18 months!!!"
I know what can happen, oh, do I know what can happen. In a moment. In a nano second. In a flash.
Okay, so we are still at it. I can deal with that. The distance between here and Spokane does give me some room. A space to fill with "me stuff" A place to turn my eyes on me, instead of everyone else.
She can handle it. She has been doing her meds and monitoring for a long time. I am only the ATM and the Chauffeur. It is a job I know how to do. I certainly have learned I can't fix or control and even do much management of Leukemia.
So I will settle into the new role as far off observer and worry from here. I will take this time to find a new project that puts money in the bank.
Seems like a good idea.
Okay, Okay, Okay.