It has been a couple of difficult months. It takes time to accept and deal with hard information. There is this cheerleader sort of thing that happens:
"oh it will be fine"
"I am sure they got it all"
"you have been through enough clearly God would not make you go through this again"
"The Docs assured you they got it all"
"Everyone is thinking about you and your going to be okay"
"You have to stay positive"
Boy we all want to join that other plain of reality. It just does not always work. Now it is very important to have a good attitude. Not denial of the situation but be positive in a careful way.
If you let it get you down and you sink into the hole that is depression, it does make it hard to do the right things. Take meds on time, walk, eat right, relieve your stress. It is hard to do that as a negative person. It also helps to have a little cushion for the big blows that come your way. We all return to positive eventually.
These last couple of months have been hard not only because M-E's kidneys are not happy and it came on so fast, but kids are dying and having relapses and new weird and strange cancers are showing up. I feel like we are on a pogo stick that is slowly loosing it's spring. It is hard to bounce back after being crushed so many times.
Someone suggested I just focus on Mary-Elizabeth's recovery and ignore all the bad news. Someone else's bad news could easily become our reality. No one gets through this process without a huge village surrounding them with support, listening ears, laundry service, distraction duty, etc. It is that very support that makes us able to help those who receive devastating news and be able to help them regain some of their bounce.
Today I am taking some of my anxiety and filling the yard waste...after some more coffee.