Saturday, September 01, 2012

Dreaming and Dreams and Reality

I have always been an avid dreamer.  I dream in color.  I have had way too many dreams come true.  I often wake and go back to sleep and continue my dreams.   Weird.

Last night I had "one of those dreams" .  I was talking with someone and they were telling me to stop worrying and to get back to work and I was over mothering my daughter.

From that deepest and most scary place I began to recite the odds to this person.  How many kids develop other cancers, how many kids have other health issues, how many of the Transplant kids don't live more than 5 years post transplant.  It went on and on.  I was screaming to the poor person that only only 40% make it. 

I woke up and was just in a panic.  It took a while to go back to sleep. I finally drifted back to sleep after I reasured myself how good she is doing.  Her numbers are good. She has more hair. Her skin is good. She is good. She is progressing. She is going to make it.  Really Make It.  There will be graduations and boy friends and new jobs and cars and apartments and heart breaks and sucesses and struggles and...... there will be a life. A real life, not a dream life.

Gonzaga has come up with another class for Mary-E.  She is frantically ordering her books.  She is making note books. She is reading for fun. She is looking for the correct desk that will make life perfect. Life is so so good. 

 We will return to this place and of course hair.
Dreams are only dreams.  They need to be there to only process our fears and help us remember we have them.  But we live in the real world.

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