Activity Vs. Anxiety

An Oprah Therapist said something that stuck with me today. "

"Activity Masks Anxiety." I thought that was an interesting comment with some wisdom attached. I have watched M-E have to "clean her room" when she is anxious. It calms her. I of course encourage that behavior until it happens at midnight and she is frantic.

Our anxiety has been channeled in lots of ways. We are more concerned about germs and do lots of hand washing. We ask people in restaurants if there lettuce is washed on site and we wash our fruits and vegetables in a way we never did before. Towels and such are not left for more than a day and then everything is bleached. Left overs become compost faster than they used to.

I wonder if we are doing those things to mask anxiety and I think we are to a certain extent. I am lighting candles and reading lots of books. I can feel the tension rising and have to do something to keep it at bay during those times I don't have the ability to give the anxiety my full attention.

At this point in our lives I think this "Masking" behavior is good and necessary. It is what keeps the scary bad stuff a way. We are managing to live fairly normal lives but with attention to details we never needed attention before. As we leave that phase, I realize much of what we used to do in our lives has gone by they way side. We have stepped off the conveyor belt of life. I wonder what we were anxious about and if those fears are still there.

I look at the calendar and there is nothing on it to speak of. No activities are scheduled. It is open. We have some people visiting but no places we have to be or do. We have time to sit, and nap and read and listen to music and watch a movie or two. I wonder how long we can keep this quiet state. I think it is a good place to be. I am not sure that more activity is better.

I have found that I do better looking at my anxiety. It might be a preferred state. I will try to not get so busy that I find the quiet we have achieved. Some call it prayer, some meditation, some deep thought. It is a combination of all of them. Every now and then I voice the fear and anxiety, sometimes I go after it with a weeder, most often I find it while re-reading the same paragraph, several time. It has become a friend, it is a warning for me that I need to stop and breath and let it come to the surface. Let it dance infront of my eyes and take a real form so that it might be addressed and loved and then put away somewhere until next time for that is all we can do sometimes.

It was great to have some time to see the gifts of God in small things like a shy fawn in the front yard, or the happy bunny in play.