Monday, October 29, 2012

Some wise person told me

God answers all prayers.  Sometimes the answer is No.

We did not receive any good answers today.  Still Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD).  No going back.  Only not moving forward.

Well, hell we are great at doing that.  We know how to stay put for a long long time and we know how to wait.  We don't like it very much but we know how to do it.

Who could have known? Who would have figured out "Your Child has Leukemia" was a better diagnosis than, CKD...  At least with Leukemia they hand you a plan and you head out to conquer that mountain.  Your life goes to hell but then it all settles down. 

This comes with vague general comments like, don't eat processed food, avoid salt, and water and protein and.........  we will have to see how it goes and....

So we left the hospital today, had lunch and went to Paint the Town.  Painting pottery seemed like the only thing we could do.  Nothing more nothing less.  So we sat quietly and did three colors and Mary-Elizabeth's was perfect.  We watched the bored mom's and nanny's trying to explain how the colors worked.   Some finally let the eyes and hands of 4 years do their magic.  Other's "though it best to go home for while and let it dry".  One small child decided her grandma needed a few painting lessons. 

We both are working our way from anger and disappointment and denial to some sort of way to cope.  Heaven knows we have done lots of coping.  I just don't know what else I can do.

So, I will be supportive of families dealing with "just leukemia" as  they start the journey.  I will hug the mom of a child who also received bad news.  I will mourn the loss of another child that relapsed the same time Mary-Elizabeth did and say an extra prayer. 

Okay, she is going to be a cancer survivor and she will keep herself healthy and take care of those kidneys of hers.  It is just what has to happen.  No amount of whining or cajoling is going to make this diagnosis different.   No that I am not going to keep on trying.

I will carry on and try and do something positive with my life. 

1 comment:

Maggie said...

Both your lives. Love.