The Worry Begins.......

BMT, Bone Marrow Transplant doctors are a skittish bunch.   A bad number one day (1.2) is okay. An explanation of lack of drinking makes the number acceptable.   A repeated bad number with lots of drinking (1.3) is not okay.  Two calls, two sets of appointments, that weird worried voice, the one that sets my nerves on edge... 

"She has to come in tomorrow and again on Monday......  for a full appointment. We will make room for her."

Sounds Innocent to normal folks.  It made me think about making sure we had a hospital bag packed.  

It is just scary.  In that deeply awful way that chills my soul.  I know the voice, I know the fear.  The kidneys are not happy. They are keeping some things and getting rid of others and because of everything they have been through even the smallest increase makes them worry.  If the doctor's are worried, then I am terrified.  

There is the secret floor at the hospital.  It is a place no one talks about.  No it is not the inpatient psych unit, or the pool or the hem/onc overflow unit, it is dialysis.  Oh please let us not go there.  

See, an increase from baseline sends me over the edge.  I will come back. I will focus on getting the house ready for the housekeepers.